All worked up and nowhere to put it, she mused. Sitting in her car in the parking lot, key in the ignition, she pondered the last few minutes at the club, trying to see how he’d managed to not only totally turn her thinking around, but to totally turn her on as well, then send her on her way with all but a pat on the bum and a see-you-around-soon.

“Might as well have been ‘don’t let the screen door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!” she said aloud. Why had he shown her the door? It hadn’t been a total bum rush, but he’d not encouraged her to stay and hang out, either. Which was odd. He was attracted, he’d said so.

Hadn’t he?

Turning the key, she started her car, still trying to work her mind around the convoluted conversation. He had to have said he was attracted to her…or at the very least alluded to it. He had spoken of them becoming an item, of that she was sure.

She wasn’t sure if that pissed her off or excited her, but judging by the squirmy feeling in her pants, the scale weighed heavier on the excited way of things.

Then there was the encounter with that woman. Wow. If she was ever to swing even a little bit into the homo side of the equation? She’d likely be on her knees, begging that Domme’s  attention. Of course, she was likely used to the adoration of many, and just as likely, only chose a few. She’d met other Dommes when she was back home- she paused that thought, mentally redirecting herself. This was home now. Before was just another part of the past. Anyway, she thought, she’d rarely been so affected by someone of her own gender before. But Madame Fornea had that rarest of gifts, a true magnetism.

Turning onto the street that lead her home, she knew she’d never met anyone as immediately fascinating as Madame F. It was more than just sexual. There was that indefinable something that drew one in, made one want to be close, closer than close, to her. She listened with her whole self, and that was a gift in this day and age. She realized that Sir….Michael had that trait as well. Shifting in her seat, she noticed the wafting scent of arousal. Geeze. She couldn’t even think of him without being aroused.

“Stop. Just stop. Park the car, and go take a cold shower.”


She shook herself out of the daydream, and refocused on her computer monitor. She had to run the figures one last time, and she’d be done. Trying to not think about Sir Michael made him seem to float into her mind even more frequently.

He needed to stop doing that.


The call through her intercom startled her. She picked up the phone, listening a moment before issuing a soft “I’ll be right there.”

Taking the folder from the corner of her desk, moving hastily she went out her door, and down the long corridor to her boss’ office. A quick knock was followed by an equally quick reply to enter.

Going over the folder contents with Ms. Silverstein, they were interrupted by her private secretary.

“A Mr. Millett is here to see you, Ms. Silverstein.”

“Yes, I was expecting him. I forgot to tell you. We squeezed this in between his meeting schedule and mine. Do send him in please Natalie,” she replied, before turning to Addison. “We’ll have to finish this later, dear. I’ll ring you when my meeting is done.”

Dismissed, Addy slipped out of the office, and bumped into the man waiting outside the door. Hands grabbed her, then ran down her arms to capture her wrists for a moment.

“Well, well, look at you, crashing into me like this. It must be fate.”

She blinked up into the smiling face of the asshat from the club. The one who’d looked at her like she was a slab of tenderloin. She pulled her hands from his, or attempted to. She knew her right wrist would be bruised from his grip.

Her eyes flashed hot.

“I’m sorry to have bumped into you. Ms. Silverstein is ready for you now.”

She tried to move past him, but he retained his grip on her wrist.

“I’ll stop by your office on my way out…to discuss things with you.”

With another hard squeeze on her wrist, he smiled at her, a predator with prey between his claws, before sliding into her boss’ office. She hurried down the hall, not wanting Natalie to ask about the little scene. Thoughts of what the hell she was going to do now bounced around her head, but she was no closer to a solution when she heard his footfalls in the corridor.

“Here she is,” she heard Natalie say, then a murmured reply. In a moment, Natalie’s heels tap-a-tapped down the hall back to her office.

Her door opened, without even the pretense of a knock. He stepped inside, his grin feral as ever.

“We seem to have a situation here,” he said, his eyes roaming her body. “You work here and I know something that I’m sure you don’t want made public.”

“I know the same thing about you–”

His head began to shake ‘no’ even as she spoke.

“Isn’t the same for men as women. You skirts have to work twice as hard in being discreet, at being a model persona. Your boss won’t want pictures of you in a corset, your tits all but bare, gracing the cover of the morning news.”

“The news doesn’t show that sort of thing…”

“Of course they don’t. They’ll put a filter over it or something, but there will be talk, and speculation and who needs that for their company profile. But I can protect you from all that. Come here.”

Her back straightened.


“Are you so certain then, my dear, that your career can withstand this sort of humiliation and embarrassment?”

He stepped up to her desk, then reached out, snake-quick, and grabbed her left breast, pinching firmly.

“You have lovely tits. I want to hurt them. I want them. I want you. And I get what I want. I’ll wait for your answer by tomorrow noon.”

Shock had kept her immobile, though she decided not fighting would be better, like taming a bad puppy, don’t give it attention when it does a poor job. She swallowed hard, refused to look at him. The fingers slipped away from her breast, his feet moved to the door.

“I have your card. I’ll call you at noon.”

The door shut with a quiet snick behind him.



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HNT~Looky Here….

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New Year, Same Angst

I’m crabby (shocking no one, right?!) just now.

We’re in and out of sync these days. He’s feeling better and we’re trying to plan a playtime but now *I* am having health issues that need to heal/resolve. It’s making me nucking futs.



And just now my libido is in the hopper. My BRAIN knows this is a cycle. Sometimes we feel horny and sexy and wanton, and other times we don’t. Sometimes it’s simple stuff like life, and busy schedules, and low water intake. I’m smoothing out my schedule a bit. I’m drinking more water. But still…no horny.

Sometimes it’s cause can be non-sexual pain, right? Because you’re dealing with a specific body issue that needs time to heal. Sometimes it’s just seasonal funk. I’ve gone through these cycles before, but man, it’s just so FRUSTRATING.

In some ways I guess I’m worried. With my wife and I, we didn’t have sex for …a really long time (going on a dozen years now) and that’s part of how I fell into discovering my perverse sexuality. To understanding it. To understanding myself.

And now it feels like He and I are headed down that same path. It’s been a nucking YEAR since we had playtime. 365 days.THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS.  No sex. No beating. No nothing. Nada. Nyet.

I want to be mean. I want to text him that he’s just like my wife, no longer interested in me. And yet..I know it’s not true. Or not fully true. He was dealing with his own injuries after a car accident that left him shaken more than just physically. No one was seriously hurt, but it’s a trauma, let’s face it. And I don’t know about guys in general, but of the few I’ve known deeply? He ignores the physical stuff while dealing with all that needed to be handled.

And let the hurt be sublimated by that ‘must do’ list.

Until by mid-summer he was a hurting unit.

Playtime can’t happen when he can’t function without pain. I get it. I do. ESPECIALLY since I’m now dealing with my own thing. This getting older thing is NOT for wimps, my friends. 😀

But my body tends to fall into ‘hybernation’, sexually. If you don’t use it, you lose it, you know? I am down to using an orgasm just twice a month. I get one a week and mostly I’m like “eh, whatever” and I fall into bed and into sleep. Because I’ve filled up those needs with work, so I’m always tired, always.

And it’s freaking cold out.

And snowy.

And I just want to nestle under my blankies and doze. Yeah. Right. Fat chance of that happening. This is my bitch and whine, so I can dream, can’t I?

We haven’t even had face time in months. Months.

So I’m teetering on the fence. Is it not a priority for him or is he just acquiescing to the increasing demands on my time? If I ask him I’ll get one of two answers from him.

“Nothing has changed on my end, nilla.”

(which kind of pisses me off, really. Because things HAVE changed.)


“Nilla, I know you’re busy. I’m busy. I’m finally back to feeling better and now you’re not. What else can we do?”


Both responses fall into the ‘reasonable reply’ category. I get that. But dammit!

I *want* him to miss me, to be demanding of some of my time. I need to feel missed, damn him. I need to feel longed for. I need to feel a little bit of reciprocity of my feelings and needs from him.

And I’m not getting it.

Does he miss me?

Beats the hell outta me. (see what I did there?)

Does he want me?

(I can’t believe I’m even asking myself that.)

Does he care enough to push just a little bit to see me?

(I have no idea. I’d like to think so. I mean, 8 years into this gig, right?)

But really…does he miss me even a little teeny bit?

(He never gives straight answers, always the smartassy comebacks, so it’s hard to get a read on him. Having a serious conversation with him is very difficult. He defaults to sarcasm and joking.)

So I dunno where I’m going with this. It’s more just a rambling, I’m so tired I can’t see straight and NEED to go to bed, kind of post.

I may have put YOU to sleep after reading all this. 759 words of nilla crabbyapple.

Go me.



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I tried so hard to get this done last night at 1130, however, my phone was NOT cooperating and my computer was out of charge so it just didn’t happen…So this would be a HNF post instead of a true HNT.

Ah well… Call it Holiday Lag!


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Wishing you all a day that is merry and bright, and full of the blessings of family and friends.

Peace to you all, no matter your proclivities…for only in peace can we learn to live together as one people, despite our diversities. I for one welcome them.

Love is love is love is love is love.

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HNT~ Better Late Than Never!

Bedtime boobies are the best…and when I fall asleep and dream of him and what he’ll do to my old tits when we next meet? Heavenly Hell!


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An Early Gift

You know when your dominant gives a gift…not one that is a physical thing you can carry on your body or hold in your hand…something more intangible?  He gave me that this week.

Words and promises and…


I’ve wondered, you know. Was he *really* still interested in me? In beating me, fucking me, torturing me? He said He was..

.(and yeah, I should learn to just take that stuff at face value because he doesn’t say what he doesn’t mean…never has, and after 8 years, I guess I can trust, right?)

I wondered if it was…you know…habit. We’ve been together for the longest of times, after all.  Yet, at times I’ve felt like we’ve been drifting apart. It felt sometimes like I was the only one making the effort to keep in contact, to try to be exciting, or keep his interest in us alive.


We who are submissives are a fucking strange lot at times. We often don’t value our own worth to those that top us. We’re important to them in ways that we don’t always understand. I still  need to remind myself of that.

He values me.

Even thinks about me sometimes, despite my not being around much lately.

For about 3 weeks there, we had next to no contact. Work was crazy wonderfully busy, which is great when you’re mostly self-employed. Even on Facebook I was pretty much ignoring my friends, just posting pictures of my kids and pets, some of the beautiful sunsets we’ve had.  I was barely even seeing my family. Forget about time to talk to Him!  Some days it was just a morning and evening “hi, good morning ” or “Hi, good night” as the extent of my texting.  Like I said, crazy busy.

I think he was okay with that,(at least at first) but when you consider that for years I’ve texted him a bunch of times a day, to suddenly be down to two texts a day was out of the norm for nilla. Then this past week, I tried calling him a bunch of times, missing him. He’d call me back later…missing me…and on that went.

But out of the blue, he texted me about wanting to beat me.

When I’d been ready to write and say ‘fuck it, I guess we can’t make this work anymore’.

He wanted to beat me.

It turned me on. It turned me into mush. It made me grin and smile and feel. That’s it mostly-a reminder to feel all those wonderful, glow-y, submissive feelings again, when my life had become 99% vanilla.

It was only a few words but it gave me more than just “hope”. It was more in the nature of a promise, and a small sense of his longing. He’s an older gentleman, and very patient. He doesn’t get frenetic or wild or even enthusiastic. He’ll smile and laugh and be sillly–he’s very genial…but those wild outbursts are not his style at all…so this one sentence spoke volumes.

And tonight we talked. He told me a story of having to find something in the way back of his car, where he has a bunch of things stashed. (Who doesn’t have a Twilight Zone of stuff in the back of their car other than my mother in law??) He came upon an object that he’d gotten this summer…a true pervertable. He held it in his hands for a moment, before searching and finding the thing he’d been looking for.

It refreshed his memory…and his longing to use this thing on me.

“That’s going to welt up, bad. You’re going to want to find work where you only have to stand..sitting will be impossible for days,” he warns, his tone gleeful.



Gods, how I love that tone in his voice. I’m frankly nervous about the  pervertable toy…I’m not spilling the beans until after he and I get together about what it is, and what happens after he tries it out on me…(oh how badly I need that to happen!)..then I’ll let you know what he found, and what it felt like and how much I love or hate (or both!) it! There might even be a photo essay involved….!

It’s a promise, this new toy. It’s a gift of a future time to be together, and a sign that he misses our play time as much as I have. I’m not alone in this longing, and that, really, is the greatest gift of all.

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HNT~A Teeny Peek

Sometimes just a hint of something is more sensual and appealing than showing the whole of it. Right?


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I’ve been totally lax about posting HNT’s here and let it slip to M…since I’m too busy to post and HE’s too busy to come see…I guess I figured that He’d say, oh, whatever, do it if you so choose, and if you don’t have time, then don’t.


His response was “You must NOT let HNT lag, nilla.”

So this is me, making time, not letting my tits go lagging. 😀  A pretty little bedtime shot…

20161203_000046-1.jpgthat just…popped up…if you will…*grins wickedly*

Happy HNT!

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The Great Cookie Exchange v.2016

It’s here! At last, at last, today is the Great Cookie Exchange. IN the manner of a cookie swap, but without actual cookies. (Not computer ‘cookies’ either!) But those of us participating will be sharing some of our favorite cookie/holiday treat recipes. I have so many favorites that it’s often hard to narrow it down. Peanut butter turbans…mmm…good old fashioned sugar cookies? YUM! Or how about reverse chocolate chip? They’re all SO good. I’m actually baking cookies as I write this on Tuesday, though this years ‘new’ recipe has NOT been made yet. If you’re reading this at Eastern USA breakfast time, I’m actually just now baking the cookie that I’m sharing!

Peppermint Kiss Thumbprint Cookies  Prep time 25 mins  Cook time 12 mins

Soft thumbprint sugar cookies with a creamy white chocolate center and topped with a peppermint kiss!


  • 1 cup butter
  • 1 cup powdered sugar
  • 2 egg yolks
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla (I always use more vanilla than called for)
  • 1/2 teaspoon almond extract
  • 2 1/4 cups flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt

For the chocolate

  • 1 cup white chocolate chips
  • 4 tablespoons heavy cream (1/4 cup)
  • red food coloring
  • one bag peppermint Hershey kisses, unwrapped


  1. Pre-heat oven to 350°. Lightly spray a baking sheet with cooking spray (or lightly grease with shortening), set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, cream together butter and powdered sugar until smooth. Mix in egg yolks, vanilla, and almond extract. in another, medium sized bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and salt. Slowly mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients until all ingredients are incorporated. Roll dough into 1 inch balls (oh, balls!! this IS a sexy post after all!) and place on prepared baking sheet 2 inches apart. Use your thumb, or the end of a wooden spoon to make a well in the top of each dough ball.
  3. Bake cookies 10-12 minutes. Remove and allow to cool 5 minutes before carefully removing from pan and allowing to finish cooling. When cookies are cool enough to touch, gently press down the center of the cookie to re-form the well.
  4. In a microwave safe bowl, combine chocolate chips and heavy cream. Microwave on high for 1 minute (or use a double boiler if you don’t have a microwave). Stir until chocolate is melted and mix is smooth. Reserve 1/4 cup of the chocolate and set aside in a zip-lock bag. Add 3-6 drops of food coloring (according to your own preference of color) to the larger portion of chocolate and mix until smooth and even in coloring (I don’t mind it swirled, actually. And I don’t mind leaving it white, either.). Fill each cookie well with approximately 1 teaspoon of the tinted chocolate. Snip off a tiny corner of the zip lock bag and swizzly-drizzle a few lines of the white chocolate over the cookies, then press a peppermint kiss into the middle of the chocolate. Allow to cool completely, and let chocolate set for about 1 hour (or you can pop into the freezer for 10-15 minutes to speed-set the chocolate!). Optional: sprinkle the cooled cookies with granulated or sanding sugar for a more fancy look. (I think I’d do this while the cookies were still “setting” or else the sugar would simply slide off…but I’ll know more after I get them out of the oven!)

The recipe doesn’t look like it makes a ton of cookies, less than 2 dozen. But won’t they look festive on your holiday cookie platter?20161206_134502.jpg

Now, here is the list of all the peeps who are participating in this year’s cookie party! Make sure you go and pay them a visit and see what recipes you’ll be adding to your personal collection. Aaaand….

Huzzah and Image result for gif for confettimagical internet                                 confetti….

to our amazing hostess, Jz, for setting this up for another year. It’s a lot of work–albeit delicious–and I am most appreciative of her annual efforts. So’s my tummy! Happy baking everyone!









collared mom










His slut












Mrs. Fever


Ms. Constance


nilla   Don’t click this link…you’re already HERE, silly!









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