Nilla and the GPS Lady

i have a philosophy about getting lost.

i don’t believe in it.   (shakes head)   One finds a new way to get someplace. My wife, otoh, gets lost chronically. I always thought it was because she believes it.  Unfortunately, some people are just genetically predisposed to not finding their way. I might not have believed that before, but then i met Sir, and he has the same issue. Hence my new theory of genetic predisposition.

Anyway,  you all came this close )*( to never seeing nilla again. i almost got lost…in Boston.

If you’re familiar with Boston, it’s a rabbit warren of inner city streets laid out in disordered fashion. All the immediate suburbs are “part’ of Boston, and i was headed to the soutwest part of  Beantowne.

i googled and mapquested and fiddled and fixed until i created a direct Route into Town.  The words “Mass Pike” make me cringe. I’ve driven many places, including Chicago’s Loop, which is no place for the faint of heart, btw, but the section of the Mass Pike that heads directly into mid-city? Nope. Nada. Won’t. Do. It. You. Can’t. Make. Me.

Now, i need to backtrack a bit here. I have  this ….funky talent….i can go some place once and recall how to get there years later. Including alternate routes. I have mapquest in my head i guess.  My brother took pity on my wife and got us a GPS for Yule. I figured it was kinda useless but i have played with it. Yesterday i used it as backup for my printed directions.

I’m traveling on the route i’ve chosen. GPS lady is working hard to get me to use the Pike. Nope. Nada. Won’t.

(insert metallic voice here:) In one mile, take exit  33.

nilla sails past exit 33. GPS lady sighs.

(insert metallic voice here:) In 3 miles take exit 34.

nilla sails past exit 34. 35. 36. 40. 43. That fucking persistant lady tried her best to make me comply but she wasn’t using Dom-voice so i ignored her.

By the time we made it to the outskirts of Boston, the GPS lady was really pissed.

(insert metallic voice here:) are you going to take the next fucking exit you bitch or should i just drive you right into the fucking Atlantic? Well? Are you? TAKE THE FUCKING EXIT!! OH! gggggRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Yeah. So i finally take the turn that will take me to my destination.

The GPS lady cheered.

She did still try to send me onto the PIKE on the way home…

nope nada. She made me cross the Charles River twice before i figured out her destination…but i found my way out before i wound up in downtown.

GPS Lady was pouting, nilla was pumping her fist in the air…WOO HOO! One for da nilla.

Give me the Chicago Loop any day.

13 thoughts on “Nilla and the GPS Lady

  1. Funny. My sister says the GPS bitch always sounds so disappointed in her. She sighs, “recalculating”.

    And why is she always so determined you should take the expressway?

    I hadn’t thought of her being a Domme. I guess you are lucky she wasn’t using the Domme voice aren’t you?

    1. yeah, it’s amazing how the voice just gets so disapproving. I kept turning the radio up…

      and why indeed…there are always so many ways to go …and the Xway is NOT always the fastest..nor the straightest.

      verrah glad there is not a Domme voice on the GPS…i’d still be in traffic!

  2. HAhaha Master’s GPS is a man’s voice and Master so loves to fuck with him. I actually make bets with the GPS on how many times he’ll say “recalculating route”. I swear once he said it so often I KNOW he was getting snarky….the tone changed! I swear!

    1. DomTom…you are so funnah!
      i was going to reference that song, but i figured no one would know it! And he nevah returned no he nevah returned…
      gosh! i”m so glad you pulled up that link! Thank you and KUDOS!

      still grinning!

  3. laughs @ Neo Dom Tom – glad to know I wasn’t the only one with that thought.

    nilla – I love my GPS and can’t live without it now.

    I had to laugh this weekend – was stuck in traffic on Staten Island, heading to Brooklyn. Distance: 14 miles; estimated travel time: 1 hr, 17 mins. I love New York.

    1. new york is like Boston…only on steroids! i’ve never driven in new york. through upstate, but not the city. proper. Ugh.

      kudos to you, kiddo!


  4. aaah GPS, somehow i hate that thing,,, i always look up the map in the web and then drive, never even attempt to get one of those things,,, but i think i ought to change my attitude! *sigh*
    hugs Alujna
    nice blog nilla,
    i was reading some of your earlier posts, you have a nice sense of humor, that makes a wonderful read. i’ll be following ur blog! 🙂

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