i Like What i Can Get

Hello Dear Readers!  it’s Tuesday as i write this, a freaking hot day in New England, when i’m writing  another true life post from da nilla.

it is so fucking hot. nilla doesn’t do heat all that well. So, though i have several stories in my head, i’m going to give myself a bit of breathing room, just, yanno? Chat with you all. Today you get me, more stories will forthcoming. I’m definitely a Northern Girl…this heat just melts me.

So…what’s new, nilla?

 um…well, see…that’s the million dollar question of the day.     

Rewind<<<<<<<   back to August 30, 2009…. nilla decides what the hell…and starts writing a blog of her own, after a year of lurking and exploring other blogs. Many blogs.  So many versions of D/s…it was confusing, stimulating, and never failed to turn me on. I had stories inside of me. Shameful, naughty stories. Fantasies. Needs, desires…all because i discovered something profound in me was okay…i wanted to be tied up and fucked. Used. Dommed.

This  blog has been about exploring those dark stories lurking inside of my head. Bits and pieces of things i would like to try. Bits and pieces that just scare the crap out of me. But through it all, finding my way as a submissive, (Yes! it has a NAME!! Who knew??? )   living a vanilla life.

 Somehow, through the magic of the universe, i have a Dom. I never ever ever expected that i would. He’s a good Man, a good Dom. His style is more about …when i’m living my day-to-day life, to go ahead and  do whatever pleases me.

When we are together, he is pure Dom. It’s His way, His wants, which fill my needs.  I ADORE Him. He is busy, and i am busy…and we’ve both made our peace with this relationship and the times we get to be with each other, which are, sadly, rare.

 i never had any idea that i’d want, let alone get, a Dom,or  have this kind of relationship outside of my lesbian marriage. And tho we’ve only met 3 times (not counting “necking dates” she smiles)…it’s good.  i like what i can get. You’ll see…this is a recurring theme for me.

I have a friend. A submissive friend, met her online. She helped me get my feet under me. My submissive feet. She was there when i was so sad, so lonely when Sir began his long trek into a new job field. All the broken dates, the lack of time together, all of it. She was there for me. Her Dom reads here, and commissioned me to write a story for her. He and i have been talking back and forth, time to time since then.

It’s become more.

 Honestly?   i’m not at all sure how it happened. Honestly?   i am not sure when it all happened. All i know is that He began quietly gathering bits of me. Bites, He calls them. Small bites, caring about me, listening to my struggles, being there.  He has become so much more.

 Suddenly, i am a subbie serving two Doms.

Dom F.  is ….there is no one word that defines him. He’s clever. He’s crafty. He’s also caring and the best cheerleader ever. I’ve lost 10 pounds  under his tutelage in the last month.  He makes me beg for him. Whimper into my pillow as his voice fills my ear, whispers dirty things for my hands to do in that Southern Gentleman’s voice.   He fills me, fills a need in me i didn’t know i had. Oh, He doesnt’ tell me when to pee, or how to wear my hair…but if He did…i’d obey.

I am, however, his 2nd subbie.

This requires more work for Him than for me. He’s the one juggling Number One sub, number 2 sub (me) and his real life…job, family…you know….life.   i accept my part, relish it, even. i like what i can get.  i get what i get when He can give it. Is this not the role of a subbie?

But wait readers…it’s even MORE complex.

His number One girl is a good friend of mine. Very dear, very sweet, very submissive. She has struggled with me being in the relationship…calls me Super sub. Coz i’m embracing my submission and she struggles with it at times. We’ve worked through a ton of shit in the last few weeks, and then.

Yes, dear readers, there is always     ” and then“.

She said something.

I replied.

To set the stage a bit, her Master was away and we were supposed to be working our relationship out. Which involved a bit of…um…arguing back and forth between us. We’d been snarking at each other, going round and round the same fucking tree and not getting past it..

and then it happened.

My inner Domme came out.

You know how it is when the very first firework goes off?  The shock and awe of it?   The intense pleasure…the aaaahhh moment?


It was like that.

It was hawt. It was fucking hawt. I ordered and she obeyed me!! And i throbbed all day from the heat of it, from the sheer headyness of it.

I understand now. I fully and completely understand.

I’m a switch.

i’m very happy to be Sir and Dom F’s  submissive.

I’m very happy to be #1 girls Domme. We have constraints about playing with each other, something we need to work out with the Boss. But it will happen. I know it will happen. I’m so hawt waiting for it to happen! (yes, that was a wee tap on the foot to The Boss!!)

Isn’t life interesting? Where this will go, how it all plays out–who knows?  For now, for this moment in time where all the wonderful possibilities lie ahead of us, all i can say is