Antiquities II

part one is here

He was dressed in a very old top-hat and coat–some strange kind of  get-up, she mused. He was no one  she’d ever seen before in her life.

“Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my kitchen?” she asked, trying to be firm and no-nonsense, while her heart was pounding in her chest.

“I’m …Gene.”

“Gene.” her tone was flat and unfriendly.

“Right. And you, little lady, summoned me.”

She blinked.

SUMMONED? What the fuck did that mean?

“Summoned? What are you talking about? I just got home…”

“42 minutes ago. Right. I was there.” He looked around the kitchen. “Love what you’ve done to the place. Last time I was here this was…”

She interrupted his banality.

“Look, buddy…”

“Gene” he said, helpfully.

she sighed. “Gene, I’m sure you’re a nice enough guy.’

He interrupted.

“No I’m not.”

She took a step back.

“Now, look here, YOU must GO. NOW.” And she pointed to the far side of the loft where the door sat, partially ajar on its rollers.

He looked at her.

“You’re new at this aren’t you? Lost your imagination when your parents forgot the dough for your tooth and  never looked at anything the same way again. That’s sad, you know? There *is* magic…it’s ….everywhere” and he waved his arms in a wild, sweeping arc.

How the holy fuck had he known that?

“You’re fucking nuts. Out. Now!” she all but barked at him.

“Is that a wish?”

She stared at him. Why. Why. Why did she wind up with all the nutjobs?

“No, it’s not a wish…it’s an ORDER.”

“Well, I don’t take orders, little lady. Only wishes.”

She stared at him. He stared back, his look challenging, though with his hand on his hip like that, he looked more like a gay diva, than anything intimidating.

“Wait. You’re trying to convince me that you’re … a genii, and you’ll make a wish come true?”

He nodded.

“What if I wish for 3*extra* wishes.”

“Well, that rarely works, you know. It depends on the benevolence of your particular genii. Me? I like you. You’re sassy. ”

She rolled her eyes.

“I’ll bet you’ve not had sex in forever.”

She stared at him. “Why..wh…”

He smiled. “That’s okay honey, me either. Do you know how many guys are sooo totally turned off on genii’s? I still have the package, if you know what I mean but honey? They all just treat me so shoddy. But for you? I could whip up a nice fella..”

She laughed.

She didn’t want to, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Oh, right, laugh at the poor genii who can’t get laid.”

She giggled as he dramatically rolled his eyes.

She wasn’t sure that she believed him. She was a smart gal, very smart. This was…she shook her head. Absurd. Silly. Downright stupid.

“How about this, okay? How about you make one teeny little wish. Something…that you couldn’t get from ordinary means. Just so I can PROOOOOVVVVE to you that I am what I am.”

She worried at her lip. A habit she had broken herself of years ago because it looked so fucking indecisive.

“And let’s make it fun. Since we were talking about sex…how about something sexy. A pretty negligee. A robe.”

“Ah, ” she thought to herself. She’d wish for a nightie and he’d “magically” whip out a selection. Some  lingerie place was taking salesmanship to new levels.

“How about a selection of dildo’s. Glass, and silicone…but only the best kind. Fat ones, ones with..” Before she could finish the thought, a full basket of them appeared on the counter beside her.  A glass dildo that she had long admired, its rainbow swirls almost iridescent lay on top.

“I believe that one is your favorite?” asked Gene, his tone just shy of condescending. She stared, open-mouthed into the basket.  Pink and purple, clear glass, even the one with the gold inner swirl was there.

“How’d you do that?”

“I told you, little miss. Magic. And…that one won’t even cost you a wish, since I can see how very disillusioned you have become. Sad really….” and he heaved a great, dramatic sigh.

“So….I could wish for more wishes?”

“Perhaps. Give it a whirl.”

“Genii, I’d like three extra wishes.”

“I’ll go for two. And even at that I’m stretching the djinn code a bit. But little miss…I truly believe you are worth getting into a wee bit of trouble with my superiors.”

“How long do I have to make all these wishes?” She asked, a bit suspiciously.

“oh honey, take your time…do you see me in a hurry to run off and bang some genii bashing troll?” He sighed again.


“A figure of speech, doll. Don’t worry your pretty head about it. And speaking of head, whadda you say about a makeover? I’m pretty good with scissors and a dye bottle. Then again you can spend a wish and become permanently re-colored. Because between you and me honey? Blonde is *not* your color.” He nodded, lips pursed, looking concerned.

She didn’t know whether to laugh or be insulted.