On Being A Collared sub

i need a big ole smiley emoticon to go under that heading.

Maybe this pic will work?

Doesn’t it seem as tho she is sayin’ “mmmmmmm” ?

So, today is THE day.

*big, happy breath* Whoooosh!

Wow. i’m excited. nervous. i know, right? why the fuck am i so nervous? i’ve been all sorts of wiggly-needy-impatient for Sunday to arrive, and now it is here and my heart is pounding in my chest as i wait to leave for the hotel to meet my Master. Sir B, as you know, has taken that role, and embraced this fully.

i’ve spent a lot of time on my knees in devotion to Him this week, in a variety of tasks…chains on my nipples (or once, my ears) and in my mouth so i drool all over my tits.  Or with ass plug in place as i contemplate His taking my ass as my Master (harder, deeper, fiercer than you’ve know me to be before, nilla, as I make you fully, completely Mine). He has this partiality to fucking my ass, and he has been very generous in breaking in my backdoor gently–and i *do* love it, once i adapt to it…. still there is that word in there…fiercer…as we fully transition to my being His. Owned.  slut.

Something about that statement releases His Beast, fully, totally.

So sometime around 11 a.m. Eastern time,  i will be kneeling at His feet and accepting His collar, committing to Him fully, as He commits to me.

i made him a “collar” of my own…a scarf i have been knitting for Him since October.  If you knit, you know how small size 3 needles are, and how thin and fine fingering-weight yarn is. This is cashmere, silk and alpaca yarn, lightweight and warm, without being scratchy.

Hard to see all the patterning in this shot. But i learned two new techniques for this, for Him. i figure i have a lot of learning ahead, so….

why not learn a new way to cast on….(symbolic to being “bound to” casting on is how a knitter puts stitches onto the needle. This technique, the Channel Island, leaves little “balls” at the bottom edge, making a nice finish look.

The perfect length for a “Man Scarf”, it has a numerology that is significant to Sir…er, that would be Master B and i…

Every stitch filled with significance, with love, and lust…

And that is exactly how i feel about wearing His collar…the love, the lust, the caring, the Ownership that it signifies. my collar could be a piece of twine, or a neon pink dog collar from the pet isle at one of those big Marts, because it’s not the *collar* that makes this act so important to me. (And i’d venture to say that this is true of most collared subs out there?) For me, it is the action, the……legitimizing, perhaps? of the   “i am His” statement.

And yet for me, the collar is not a promise (as in Vanilla life) of “fidelity”–in D/s those rules are different. There is “vanilla fair” and then there is “D/s” fair.  There *is* the promise i make to Him to abide by the rules that He (primarily) makes (with some input from me, but the ultimate rule-making is His right as my Dom.). A rule which may include my exclusive fidelity to Him, but not necessarily reciprocated by Him, if He chose to fuck another sub.

I am not threatened by this, by the (seemingly) inherent conflict of the one-way rule.

If He was to take another sub, it would not diminish what He and i have.  i know i’ve said this before and not *one* of the subbies i know feels the same way as i do about this–i’m not jealous. i’m not possessive. This is *not* a slam towards those of you that are, btw. It is just the unique nilla perspective i speak of here.

and i will take a moment to say that, early in my relationship with my wife, she dated guys. We had a sexual relationship, but she dated and had a sexual relationship with 4 guys that i can recall. Never bothered me then, doesn’t bother me now. So i have a 30 + year history of not being jealous. i truly do believe in “free (albeit safe) love”–and that love is our Ultimate Purpose for drawing breath.

okay, now back to what i was saying about being collared… i will be Master B’s first collared sub. As He wrote earlier this week, He never believed in it until i came into His life.  We can’t live the day-to-day intimate life of a 24/7 D/s couple, but in every way W/we can…W/we are.

i am making a public commitment to O/our relationship by taking His collar, that i will abide by His rules, His guidelines…all is His to use (or not) as He chooses.

How is this different from how things were before He places that golden chain around my neck?

i simply do not know. in many ways  this is similar to being married. To making a physical, outward “mark” that i am His. If He had chosen to tattoo me rather than a collar, or pierce me…that would have been fine too.

All i know for certain is that my heart has been captured, and He holds it in Hands.

Where all of me will be perfectly safe, for now, and for always.

nilla  loves You, Master B. You are the Master of my heart, my body, my spirit.

i love You, Master.