On Being A Collared sub

i need a big ole smiley emoticon to go under that heading.

Maybe this pic will work?

Doesn’t it seem as tho she is sayin’ “mmmmmmm” ?

So, today is THE day.

*big, happy breath* Whoooosh!

Wow. i’m excited. nervous. i know, right? why the fuck am i so nervous? i’ve been all sorts of wiggly-needy-impatient for Sunday to arrive, and now it is here and my heart is pounding in my chest as i wait to leave for the hotel to meet my Master. Sir B, as you know, has taken that role, and embraced this fully.

i’ve spent a lot of time on my knees in devotion to Him this week, in a variety of tasks…chains on my nipples (or once, my ears) and in my mouth so i drool all over my tits.  Or with ass plug in place as i contemplate His taking my ass as my Master (harder, deeper, fiercer than you’ve know me to be before, nilla, as I make you fully, completely Mine). He has this partiality to fucking my ass, and he has been very generous in breaking in my backdoor gently–and i *do* love it, once i adapt to it…. still there is that word in there…fiercer…as we fully transition to my being His. Owned.  slut.

Something about that statement releases His Beast, fully, totally.

So sometime around 11 a.m. Eastern time,  i will be kneeling at His feet and accepting His collar, committing to Him fully, as He commits to me.

i made him a “collar” of my own…a scarf i have been knitting for Him since October.  If you knit, you know how small size 3 needles are, and how thin and fine fingering-weight yarn is. This is cashmere, silk and alpaca yarn, lightweight and warm, without being scratchy.

Hard to see all the patterning in this shot. But i learned two new techniques for this, for Him. i figure i have a lot of learning ahead, so….

why not learn a new way to cast on….(symbolic to being “bound to” casting on is how a knitter puts stitches onto the needle. This technique, the Channel Island, leaves little “balls” at the bottom edge, making a nice finish look.

The perfect length for a “Man Scarf”, it has a numerology that is significant to Sir…er, that would be Master B and i…

Every stitch filled with significance, with love, and lust…

And that is exactly how i feel about wearing His collar…the love, the lust, the caring, the Ownership that it signifies. my collar could be a piece of twine, or a neon pink dog collar from the pet isle at one of those big Marts, because it’s not the *collar* that makes this act so important to me. (And i’d venture to say that this is true of most collared subs out there?) For me, it is the action, the……legitimizing, perhaps? of the   “i am His” statement.

And yet for me, the collar is not a promise (as in Vanilla life) of “fidelity”–in D/s those rules are different. There is “vanilla fair” and then there is “D/s” fair.  There *is* the promise i make to Him to abide by the rules that He (primarily) makes (with some input from me, but the ultimate rule-making is His right as my Dom.). A rule which may include my exclusive fidelity to Him, but not necessarily reciprocated by Him, if He chose to fuck another sub.

I am not threatened by this, by the (seemingly) inherent conflict of the one-way rule.

If He was to take another sub, it would not diminish what He and i have.  i know i’ve said this before and not *one* of the subbies i know feels the same way as i do about this–i’m not jealous. i’m not possessive. This is *not* a slam towards those of you that are, btw. It is just the unique nilla perspective i speak of here.

and i will take a moment to say that, early in my relationship with my wife, she dated guys. We had a sexual relationship, but she dated and had a sexual relationship with 4 guys that i can recall. Never bothered me then, doesn’t bother me now. So i have a 30 + year history of not being jealous. i truly do believe in “free (albeit safe) love”–and that love is our Ultimate Purpose for drawing breath.

okay, now back to what i was saying about being collared… i will be Master B’s first collared sub. As He wrote earlier this week, He never believed in it until i came into His life.  We can’t live the day-to-day intimate life of a 24/7 D/s couple, but in every way W/we can…W/we are.

i am making a public commitment to O/our relationship by taking His collar, that i will abide by His rules, His guidelines…all is His to use (or not) as He chooses.

How is this different from how things were before He places that golden chain around my neck?

i simply do not know. in many ways  this is similar to being married. To making a physical, outward “mark” that i am His. If He had chosen to tattoo me rather than a collar, or pierce me…that would have been fine too.

All i know for certain is that my heart has been captured, and He holds it in Hands.

Where all of me will be perfectly safe, for now, and for always.

nilla  loves You, Master B. You are the Master of my heart, my body, my spirit.

i love You, Master.

32 thoughts on “On Being A Collared sub

  1. Knitting and D/s and Poly! The scarf is beautiful, do you mind sharing what kind of yarn you’re using? My Master and Mistress want a multi s-type, poly-fidelitous, House. Most of my worries are related to not having a place at his feet.

    1. i don’t know how to answer that, exactly blue….i think if the place is there and offered to you, it exists and you move on day to day as if it is there…do your chores, fulfill your obligations, give your best, and that place should continue to be there for you…

      the yarn is a mix of alpaca, silk, and mohair, fingering weight, natural colored (silver with white flecks). The silk fibre kept the yarn from being scratchy.

      anytime you want to talk, feel free to email me…vanillamom4@gmail.com

      nilla

  2. For we have thought the longer thoughts
    And gone the shorter way.
    And we have danced to devil’s tunes
    Shivering home to pray;
    I take you now and for always,
    For always is always now.
    -Philip Larkin

    Master B, and nilla, I wish you both joy.

    kelly

    1. kelly….
      that brought a lump to my throat, the good kind, when the spirit has been moved…thank You. That was especially lovely.

      Hug,

      nilla

    1. Thank you valleygirl! it means a lot that you took the time to say so. *smiling*….

      (i’m so trying to be calm and collected here…how’m i doin”? can you *feel* me boinging around the room??giggles)

      nilla

    1. Thanks aisha! i felt it!

      You know i was so nervous…and then the phone buzzed in my hand, the room number popped up and suddenly, all was right…i was calm, and poised…and gosh it was so so so ohso good.

      nilla
      who will one day get around to telling some tales…

    1. funny typo Mick!!

      i’m glad i have yet another sub-mate who “groks” that…thanks for sayin’ that you get the one way rule. Tho He has said the rules run equally for us both, that He is not looking elsewhere, He knows it’s an option, and one he (at this point in time anyway) has no interest in pursuing….

      nilla

    1. i am still excited and thrilled, even days later…and i am very glad you like reading here! thanks so much for the compliment!

      nilla

    2. thank you Hs…..i’m glad you enjoy my blog, and i am so glad that you took the time to let me know…it’s so good to hear!

      (and yuppers…i’m still bouncing off the walls a bit…)

      nilla

  3. The scarf you have created is a work of art. What a wonderful gift.

    I’ll be thinking about you today and sending happy thoughts and good wishes.

    1. thanks Donna!

      how i agonized over that scarf! learning new things is hard!! but ….i really missed not knitting this past Saturday…it’d gotten to be a habit, these last 4 months!

      Thanks for the happys…i feel them!

      nilla

  4. oh, nilla, i’m so glad for you! you and your Master B are both very lucky to have each other, and i’m lucky to have your blog to read! nice to know i’m not the only one lacking a jealous bone too! i hope your day is beautiful and memorable!

    1. really? omg,thank *goddess*!!!! You’re the first one to come out publicly and admit that you feel the same!!

      *smiling*

      loving sets us free…how can i be jealous of that? (says the newly non-free sub….grinning @ that juxtaposition!)

      nilla

    1. Thanks girlfriend! i can barely believe it. (‘m still wearing the collar, unremoved since He placed it ’round me…just to let the reality of it sink in!)

      nilla

  5. Recently have found your blog and have immensely enjoyed your writing. Best wished to you and Master B. I like your thoughts on the significance of “the collar” to me it signifies; trust, communication, and respect.

    1. Hi and welcome Southern Sir.

      exactly…respect first and foremost, though trust must intertwine. And communication…*smiles*…without that, there is nothing, really.

      Thanks for visiting, and for commenting.

      nilla

    1. Thanks submissive bf…i am. *smiling* So very happy. It’s been quite a twisting road, but well worth every rocky patch…

      nilla

  6. Nilla, sounds like the perfect weekend to me. Sir B is a very lucky man and I truly hope he realizes, as we all do how lucky he is to have you. You are the best lady, Tip

    1. oh, Sir Tip, you alway say the nicest things, truly.

      i’m a lucky (i typo’d “lusty”, lol!) girl…He could have walked away…instead He plotted out His strategy…and snagged me up in His arms….and the rest, as tis said, is history…or more accurately…Ourstory…*smiles*

      nilla

  7. Dear Nilla,

    As I write, you should be well and truly collared. 🙂 Love the scarf. It looks beautiful. Now the bigger question though,… Will you be able to write or will you have to pull your laptop up to the ceiling where your head is bumping? LOL… Or will we have to wait until you come down to sub-orbital subspace before you can apply fingers to keyboard?

    Love you!

    Roze and Wolf.

    1. LOL!!! i spent two days in sub=orbital space…(great line btw!) Sunday night i was a glowing wreck. Yanno, for two old people we sure fucked like teenagers. More than teenagers. OMG.

      we did things that people in some states get arrested for…..

      nilla
      (and it was good!)

      1. Glad you liked that line. 🙂

        Wolf and I had some very interesting chat time about sub space. It may show up in a story or two.
        And, it must have been the weekend for mad passionate sex. After a rather sedate spell because of interruptions, travel and the like we managed 4 times in less than 24 hours. LOL…

        Some people have second childhoods. Maybe we’re having second teenage-hoods?

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