what to write when the words are choked up inside of me? i don’t know.

i fucked up and Master…well He says He is not mad at me, but disappointed.

is there any heavier burden to carry in your heart than the disappointment of your Master?

no, you’re right, there isn’t.

i hurt Him, and He’s put me in my place, quietly. A bit of writing, and a lot of silence.

Night time is our one time to “be together”. We talk on the phone for about an hour, sharing our days, laughing, loving each other. Anticipating our next play date, and teasing each other. Sexy, flirty, naughty, dirty, wicked, silly….our evening talks connect us.

Tonight, no phone call. “no pleasure for either of us” He texted me.

i was a bad…no, not bad. Naughty? Yes. Perhaps that fits better. Naughty girl. i disobeyed Him, because i was impulsive. That has challenged me my entire life…giving into my wild impulses.

You’d think by 52 i’d have learned, right?

apparently, not.

i’m sorry Master. Publicly, in front of all my friends, blog-sibs, the world… i fucked up.

i miss You, miss Your voice. Miss our teasing. Miss You. Miss You.

Love You.

please forgive me?



dear friends…your support and kindness is overwhelming…Master and i have made up, made our peace. i broke down and called Him after crying for several hours (hey, i’m an emotional girl)…and He ‘cuddled’ me, nurtured me, reassured me, loved me. We’ll talk about my ‘violation’ tonight, but as He said…. “nilla, this was an acorn in our road…it’s a long road, and sometimes there are big bumps, and sometimes you just go over acorns. This,little girl, was an acorn. We’ll deal with it tomorrow…but for now, go to sleep, and remember that I love you.”  i was assured that i’d not broken a ‘rule’ per se, but that i’d failed to bring an issue to Him that should have been discussed *before* i hared off on my own.

Lesson, learned. Love, never in doubt. Tears? Gone (mostly).

i’ll add that this came at the same time i had a HUGE argument with my wife, and fairly soon after my 4-year-old told me i was the worst mommy *evah*…at the top of her lungs.

*deep breath*

it’s over, done, almost fixed. My daughter loves me again, despite the tv remaining OFF. My wife and i will do what we always do and work it out.  The outlook for today? And Master and nilla? Stronger than ever. Thanks, friends. *smile* You’re the best!