i’m gonna blow it for all of you who think i’m perfect.
*pause for chorus of disappointed “OH NO’s”*
*hears chirping crickets instead*
none of you, eh?
Well, i totally blew it Sunday. Major fuck up.
Master is a man of few rules…mostly He says and i do. There are no day-to-day requirements from Him to me other than that. He doesn’t pick out my clothing, my food, my schedule. He understands my day-to-day, and while He may task me to do a “thing” it’s sporadic. He doesn’t have the time to micro-manage me, and i don’t have the kind of life to make that work, anyway.
i have a great deal of freedom, when you come right down to it.
i do have one rule.
And….i forgot about it.
Yeah, i know. A slut with only one rule and i forgot it? Okay, all together now….”duhhhhh”….
So i know you’re gnashing your teeth now.
“What rule nilla?”
“What’d you do, nilla?”
“Tell, tell, tell!”
It’s so simple that it embarrasses me to say it. Yup, imagine that, nilla embarrassed. Show you my tits, my ass, my inner demons…not a problem. It’s not even the fact of the failing that i mind sharing, cos you all know i’m human.
Rather, it’s just that it is so so so simple.
Write to Him in the morning after an O and tell about it in graphic detail.
Well, geeze, seems pretty easy for someone like me, eh?
He wants to know what got my sox off, how intense it was, did i squirt, or moan, or rock the mattress…or was it soft and gentle. Did i use His prompts for a fantasy (almost always yes, but sometimes with a twist) or if i had free will that night, what did i use.
As an aside here, i’ve not used tons of fantasies of late to masturbate to. Apparently, just having Master in my home, in my room, and in my bed?
Was fodder for a long time! You’d not believe how many Orgasms are achieved just by remembering Him here, with me, on me, in me.
So, back to the topic, nilla fucks up…
Saturday, while not a busy day at work, was still tiring. The week leading up to it had been stressful, between my wife’s work woes, my kids,— it all just added up. By Saturday i was dog tired. And i got up early so i could attend to house chores before i went to work.
By the time i got home, and listened to wifey nattering at me, and goodnighting of littles, and and and…it was after 930 before i got upstairs.
And here is where it all gets fuzzy. I think i talked to Master, but i don’t even remember.
I know i masturbated because i remember wincing when the chain of the clamps hit my belly, it was fucking A cold!
But that is all i remember. Don’t remember the O. Don’t remember taking off the clamps, the pegs, nothing. nada. zero. zilch.
i never sent Master a text saying i’d had the O.
i never sent Master a text saying goodnight.
i always do both, though they are not “required”; neither is my morning greeting to Him required…but i know He likes that i start my day “with” Him.
All this leads up to Sunday, when i got to sleep in until almost 7. Wicked nice!
And i went merrily about my vanilla life, everyone starting our Sunday quietly, but happily. Family leaves for church, and i sit down and write…i woke up with a fantasy in my head from a story i’d read on Will’s blog…
Never even crossed my mind that i’d not written my O report for Master. Wrote several emails, one even to Him, but didn’t do the O report.
Sunday night, we met at Starbucks. It was a chance meeting, He was just getting in from out-of-town, and wasn’t sure He’d be able to meet. So i had my computer, and was writing on one window and watching the Pat’s progress (talk about a nailbiter!) on another window, and listening to some New Age music really loudly on my earphones, when my phone vibed…it was Master, and He was coming to pick me up and we’d do some errands together!
And He mentioned, briefly, that i’d not sent in my O report and i could give it to Him in the car.
“out LOUD?” Master? Coz, yanno, i can write this stuff, but reading it, saying it aloud? Makes me all chokey voiced and shy.
i know, i know, it doesn’t seem possible does it? Yet, tis truth.
Anyway, He arrives, and i go out to His car and we drive off and talk of His trip and mundane things and do His errands and He never says “tell Me”…and i figure i’m off the hook.
When Starbucks closes, an hour before i need to pick up the kiddo, He decides to head home, and i will go hang out where kiddo is and read. He gives me the safety lecture because i’m naive about that stuff, well, because i believe in the inherent good of people. And Master doesn’t…it’s His military training, and between us we strike a balance.
And when i get there, i text Him. And He texts back (and this is a direct quote)
Always good to be with you-that’s all the kissy-huggy stuff you get.
However, be advised, the next time you don’t give me an O report by next a.m. you’re on ZNN for a week including no FNF! If you have time to trade emails with a ****** (blanked out to protect the privacy of the emailer), you sure as hell can find time to keep me updated!
And i was crushed. Sad to have fucked up so profoundly. Mad at myself. It deflated my ‘fun balloon’…and left me weepy. Finally the kiddo came out, we headed home, and i texted Master that perhaps i should pass on the O He’d granted me, as punishment. And that i was sorry to have upset Him, and disappointed Him.
Then He sends this:
I’m not upset-and the fun lives on. I give “advisors” to you all the time- some more stern than others this one is stern- you’ve been advised. No anger involved on my part- and it’s best you remember that an O in the hand is worth 2 in the wherever.
And while i was glad to be let off lightly, the admonishment stung. It sucks when we let our Sirs, Masters, Owners down, doesn’t it?
i sent one last text. “It’s hard being owned sometimes, Master.”
and He replied “yes, it is.” And then a bit of a gentle reminder that He loves me, in Master-code.