It’s 9:43 a.m. Tuesday, and my small butt plug is in place.
If you’re reading that going…WTF? yeah so? That part was for the Man.
This post is all about being put in my place, being punished, and being reminded that i am a submissive slut.
His submissive slut.
See, there’s been a great deal of vanilla blended into our relationship over these last 12 weeks. And i’ve enjoyed it, liking the times that we sit at Starbucks and talk and flirt like a “regular” couple, all the while knowing that at some point, He will demand to have my foot in His hands, that He will pull off my shoe and torment my foot, while i attempt to keep up “normal” appearances, while stiffling giggles and twitching in my chair.
Like butterfly says in her post, it is fun to have a secret in public.
But i have had a few bumps in my road to submission and both occurred on the same day, though many hours apart.
It starts, of course, with honesty.
Isn’t that the part of TTWD that you like best? Sure it’s a challenge sometimes to fess up and admit guilt…i’ve been there, done that, fucked it up real good, back in the early days, when there was a Triad.
But i learned from that, and used that learning to deepen my relationship with Master.
It really is the only thing that makes this lifestyle work. If you’re not honest with your Sir, or Madam, or Master, or Owner, bad things happen. I’m sure that runs the gamut between physical harm to the break up of the relationship.
So let’s start there. nilla is always honest with her Master.
Several nights ago He gave me permission for an orgasm. i was dealing with a vanilla issue that gave me several almost sleepless nights (i’m a fretter…) and i missed that O because i just was too tired. It was past midnight when i went to bed, closer to 130, and that made it a new day, which meant that O was no longer viable.
The next night comes, and i once more get the instructions for an O. BTW i am not punished for not taking the O…though He may view it that perhaps i don’t need an orgasm for a while……<gasp>….so i almost always take it when i get it.
So this time i’m more careful about the O. Again, i am up late, but i crawl into my bed at 1145 pm. Good, time for that O, i think.
Do i want it?
not so much.
But to miss two O’s back to back will be a red flag to Master and i really don’t think i want a week of ZNN to make the point to “use it or lose it”.
So i do the task- but due to technical difficulties, only can do half of what He has ordered. I can’t find the fucking cord for the second vibe, but i do everything else as He has proscribed.
And eventually i cum.
It was a long time coming, too. I had to really work to get hot, i was very stressed.
And i looked at my phone for the time.
That made it MONDAY morning, not Sunday night.
So of course i told Him, sending Him a text right away. He got it when He awoke Monday morning, normal time.
And He pondered it.
Then He sent me an email. For although we’d talked about the midnight restricition, and i had honored it, it wasn’t a total hard and fast “rule”.
It is now.
And He decided to rebuke me, not “full-on” punish me. Because i should have known, and because i myself had set precedent for following this less-than-formal rule.
That was the first transgression.
So… we were talking Monday night, as we are wont to do during His late commute home. There we were, talking about my understanding of the newly imposed Rule, and (oh, don’t throw tomatoes at me!)
(you won’t believe i said this)
(really, it is so fucking newbie, i sooooo know better!)
We were talking and and He was telling me that He understood that the O thing hadn’t been a formal rule…but now it was, as per His email of that morning.
And i agreed. And then i said it.
“Master, you must understand that….”
That was as far as i got.
There was a moment of …electrified ….silence.
He walked right over my talking.
“I don’t have to understand anything little girl.”
i went still and silent.
poised like a rabbit confronted by a hungry Lion.
i backpedaled, fast.
“Oh no, Master, not at all…i didn’t mean…i…soorry Master, so sorrrrry….”
and in my head i’m thinking “nilla you fucking idiot what the fuck were you thinking and shut the fuck UP!”
And i try to say, “But Master, if You’ll just let me explain…”
He cuts me off. Explains to me, in no uncertain terms, that He doesn’t need to let me explain. He doesn’t need to hear excuses. Because it is HIS way, always.
And no matter what *i* think, He’s in charge.
Yes, He said that. Because obviously someone needed to be reminded of it.
And there i was, sitting in my window nook; i’m trembling a bit, not upset, but nervous. Nervous that i’d fucked up so monumentally. And …oddly…happy. Happy for the rebuke.
Happy that He takes my submission and His Dominance as seriously as that. Sometimes things are pretty casual between us; i have a very long leash.
This was the first time in a very long time that He has yanked my leash, yanked it hard enough to pull me off of *my* course, and back in the direction He chose for me to go in.
Definitely put in my place.
As we closed up the conversation He said to me, “nilla, you should know that we will revisit this conversation later.”
“Later, Master? When later?” Master is not a planner, He is live and in the moment. So this statement is perplexing.
“I’m thinking….” and His voice trails off for a moment, as if He’s really thinking aloud. Of course, He’s just sucking me in.
“….when I’m holding my new weapon in my hands. Then we’ll talk about it more fully.”
Thankfully, i remembered in the nick of time to not moan out “that’s not fair…”
Smart slut, finally.
It’s 10:43 on Tuesday, and i’m done writing this post, Master.
Butt plug still in place.
Thank You, Master, for the gift of Your Dominance.
You have all of me, just where i need, and want to be.
Under Your control.