There’s an App for That

She lay in bed, wide awake.

She was so freaking annoyed by that. It was two-fucking-o’clock-in-the-fucking-morning, fercrissakes. She should have been asleep by now.

Fuck-all if she knew what the fuck was messing with her psyche. She was horny, but that was kinda the norm for her. She was comfortable in her snugly bed, and didn’t feel like getting up and going to her toy box.

Goodness knows it was a mess and she didn’t feel like rummaging for her favorite dildo. That would kill her sex need, seeing the mess in there. No, she’d wind up feeling guilty for not cleaning it up, despite saying over and over she would get to it. And then she’d be mad at herself for feeling guilty about it.

She was one woman, living alone. What the fuck else could she do? Working took a shitload of her free time, her volunteer activities, and social life took most of the rest. Who the fuck was gonna care about her messy sex-toy box anyway other than her.

And now look, here she was getting all huffy about explaining her messy toy box to a non-existent person. Fuck! She wanted to sleep dammit.

She looked at the blinking button on her specialty phone. OH she loved that phone. She could do work from it, read blogs from it, even post and email.  It was a great tool, really.

She looked at it and wondered if there was an app for cleaning her sex toy box. She laughed at herself. Yeah, and one for the perfect fuck-mate. Oh hell, why stop there? How about the perfect Dom app. And a sleep app.

Oh hell, she thought with a yawn, she could so invent an app for that.


She woke bleary-eyed. What the fuck time was it? She reached for her phone, before realizing it was already in her hand. The front was lit under her thumb.

Blinking, she looked at the illuminated square. “Sleep” it said. She lifted her thumb off the front screen.

“No way” she said aloud. Carefully she lay the phone on her bedside table. She slid out of bed, needing desperately to pee. On her way back, she stubbed her toe on her toy box.

“What the fuck? she yelped, hopping on one foot and holding her toe. She flipped on the light, blinking in the sudden brightness. Her toy box lid was open, and she could see that every toy was neatly laying within. For a moment she stared at it, then gently closed the lid and pushed it back in its rightful place.

“Never again eat pizza before bed” she muttered.

“What was that, slut?” Came the lazy drawl from her bed. Her head lifted from its suspicious look at her toy box, and whipped around to stare at the stranger in her bed.

He patted the side of the bed.

“C’mere. I want to suck your nipples until you cry, then finger your cunt until you cum for me.”

She blinked at him, a bit alarmed.

“Come to bed,” he said a bit more firmly.  Still she stood, frozen in shock.

With a sigh he rolled over to her side of the bed, reaching for her phone.

“For goodness sake,” he muttered, looking down at the screen, thumbing through the menu quickly. “There’s gotta be an app for this…”