i wrote this on Sunday and because of the Monday holiday, i’m a bit behind in writing…Capt 3 is done but needs editing. We’ll be back to His adventures after this “real life nilla” break…..i am also woefully behind on replies to comments. Rest assured, i have read every one of them, but have had considerable vanilla demands on my time this weekend. i promise to respond to every comment on Tuesday…and as always, i thank you for taking the time to write to me in the first place…it always means a lot to me that you do. ~nilla~
It’s Sunday as i write this.
i’ve been in a terrible mood all. dayam. day.
Much like aisha did a few days ago, i’ve had a little ripple in my relationship to Master. We spent a long time in Starbucks, Sunday night, working together. That is, He on His computer, me on mine, writing this, actually. He’d responded to my angsty email that i’d dashed off Sunday morning, and we’ve talked it through, and moved on.
We’ve been together long enough that He knows me. Knows that i was headed for a little….insecurity. Perhaps it was subdrop, at least partially. And i hurt my back on Friday and 3 days of constant hurting left me snarky. i hate taking pain pills, but this went on long enough that i had to, in order to function. Anyway…then HE said something that pissed me off…and it went down from there. i sent a snarky email, and He became quiet…and then He cleared his schedule to not only meet me at Starbucks, but to spend a long long period of time with me. It was vanilla with a whirl of chocolate …He is my Master, after all, and before you ask…yes, we are very good again. That which was between us is resolved, and done and dead.
And it’s buried and become fertilizer for new growth.
i think about our form of Power Exchange from time to time. i am not a slave. It just isn’t something that works in our dynamic. i think it is too far from where i am in my head. While i make NO judgement of those of you in that type of relationship, it just … well it doesn’t fit my life. Or my temperament. Or, for that matter, His.
That said, there is a negative balance of power.
I’m pondering that sentence there.
And just when i’m ready to deny that, to erase it out of there…i think it’s true. (Then again He’d be the first to point out how i SUCK at math. More on this, later.)
For while i am not a slave i don’t get many choices in our relationship. And oh, what a timely little demonstration of this! For, as i was writing this, the music here was beginning to annoy me. I bent down to get my ipod out of my purse, ear to the table as i reached underneath into the cavernous expanse of my purse, digging for it.
Instantly His hand was on my head holding me to the table. His thumb pressed gently but firmly against my eye, while His finger went into my ear, both tickling and turning me on.
When HE was ready, He let me go, and just smiled at me as if to say “yeah? so?”
So, like i said above. i don’t hold power in this relationship. Some…hmmm not even sure what to call it. Sway? The ability to reason with Him and get Him to listen to me, all the while knowing it may not matter one whit to Him…
And i’m good with this.
Sometimes, even in this unequal distribution of power…things are said that hurt my feelings, or make me feel (erroneously) that He doesn’t care.
On another topic, Saturday night was the epic game between the Pats and the Denver Broncos. For you non-football fans, you can’t skip this. Coz i had this idea.
i asked Him to bet with me, that if the Pats won, i could have 10% of their points in Orgasms over the course of the next 7 days. (except ZNN day which is always Thursday).
“Of course you can have them” He says, thinking they’d have a low-scoring game. Turns out i am the proud holder of 4.5 orgasms (that .5 is a bit worrisome, but i’ll get through it).
Now, He thinks i made a dumb bet. That i didn’t try to negotiate for 25% or 50%. And it’s true, i lowballed my offer, knowing He’d drop kick anything higher. Gosh, that would have been 9 o’s.
~~this is me, just not thinking about that now~~
He’s been mocking me all day, pointing out that He gave me 4 orgasms this past Friday Night Fuck. But, the week before? I only got 1.5 all week. Actually, i got a few of those half-orgasms, which are deadly.
So, He will continue to mock my math and bartering skills (He’d be quick to add here that i don’t have any, LOL!) and i’m just going to move on and be happy as can be about my 4.5 orgasms.
ON yet another note…
i’m going to be published.
It’s a short story that i’ve not published here. i won’t get one red cent of any kind of profit because it’s all going to charity and maybe that’s what made it so easy to do. Once the anthology comes out, i’ll post it here.
But i kind of wanted ya’ll to know, since you’ve come here often enough and enjoyed my tales…
Right now i’m smiling pretty large.
Things with the Man are good. Things in my life are calm. And in a not-terribly-long time from now, i’m gonna be able to call myself an *author* and not just a writer.
Ain’t that a kick in the ass?