It has been the Monday from HELL and not just because of the general dour feeling that is all-pervasive in New England, post-Superbowl.
I’ve had a strange series of vanilla events that have left me very drained, a lot of running around, and doing stuff I hate doing, but did it only…only to have it all become unnecessary (after spending 3 hours attending to the original task…and getting it accomplished).
It makes me so fucking mad.
And I’m tired. Emotionally drained. Had a wicked and nasty fight with wifey over the weekend. Our parenting styles have diverged quite a bit over the years, and I was told that my military upbringing was what was “wrong” with me.
There is something “wrong” with me? For wanting my kids to have some discipline? To stop them from hurting one another and not using my simpering voice and happy face?
Sorry if you parent in the Barney style. I don’t. Yanno? If you don’t agree, don’t argue with me. I live it 24-7 and I could give a fuck if it works for you.
Yes, nilla did say that. Coz today, life sucks for me and I’m wounded and angry and …
I am not broken.
There is nothing wrong with me, other than being perverted and being fine with that.
And that isn’t “wrong” anyway. So. Fuck it.
My Master…made me laugh, made me cry tonight. At the end of our conversation. He … was tender, and sweet, and even now I am crying as I write about it.
He heals me.
I almost didn’t write a blog post. Because I’m mad at the world.
But I’ll get over it. It’s Monday night as I write this. And tomorrow I may wake and …and ask myself why the fuck I posted this on my blog, where the world will see it. Coz it’s me, all hurty and angry and out there with it.
But hell…isn’t that what this is here for, too? Not just for erotic stories of lust, but for the lusty woman behind the scenes? Coz i’m not feeling all erotic just now.
So I’m going to bed. Pull the covers up and have a good cry…and when you read this? I’ll be up and out of bed and doing my thang…coz that’s what I do.
I’ll suck it up, pull up my big girl panties, accept that it is what it is, and I’m doing what I do for my own reasons. And tomorrow, I will write away my pain, and send you ~and me ~ back into a happier fantasy.