Last week, aisha asked me a question, and I’ve put off answering it because I wanted to really think about it. She wondered:
What is your favorite BDSM activity or concept?
It was that last word that really captured my attention. The first part brings up a virtual laundry list of “wants”….and I guess the second part does too, though in a somewhat different way.
The list of “What i Like” is …….really? Just about everything. Nipple clamps, and spanking. Biting. Blindfolds and rough sex. Forced orgasms and orgasm denial. (there’s an oxymoron, eh?!) Face fucking. Golden showers. Anal sex. Butt plugs and vibrators. Being slapped in the face. Hair pulling and pussy spanking. Oh did I say spanking already? Silly (greedy) nilla!
Of everything though, to narrow it down to my absolute favorite activity? I love being subdued, physically controlled. Master will grab me, and hold me down while he “contains” me.
It’s vulnerability, isn’t it? I like to feel vulnerable to His desires.
Concepts are bigger D/s choices, i think. Do I want to be a slave? Do I want to be His whore? Concepts, as relates to BDSM, are things I think about as “what-if things” … things that in reality I am not always sure if I would/could do, yet the idea of them …turns me on.
Concept: Being a fuck-toy.
And it’s true, I do get off on the idea of multiple usage. Would I really, really, really submit to someone that completely? Or is it just a fairy tale? At the very least, it’s a hot and wicked masturbation fantasy!
I am rather fascinated with the idea of sexual slavery. But the fact is, that it won’t work in my situation, so why dwell on it. That’s not to say if Master and I lived together that it wouldn’t work then. But the reality is, it doesn’t work for now. In many ways we practice a form of sexual slavery, despite the distance between our homes. I don’t cum without His permission. I don’t do many things without His permission, and perform other tasks at His behest. He doesn’t, can’t, control every element of my day-to-day…but what control He does exercise? I savor.
One last one now…
I’ve chosen to put this as a concept… but in my case, it really is more than just a concept. It is something I fantasize about all the time. And it is something that He delivers whenever we are together. This is one Concept, that for me is also a reality. If He and I were together all the time? I’d be perpetually bruised, perpetually poked and prodded by Him (we’ve talked about it in an offhand way from time to time)…and I would *love* that. For me pain is becoming more of a lifestyle thing. Even my every day pains are not unpleasant to me. I stub my toe, or hurt my finger, and there I am pushing and tweaking it days later.
Pain is definitely something that gets my motor humming. I will squeak and wiggle and moan and whimper…but.
My pussy always gets so wet.
My need grows and grows.
And I have, on several occasions, cum just from the pain alone. It’s a powerful thing, to have an orgasm because (not despite) someone is hurting you.
Is this sane and safe?
I walk around in a pain-haze for days after a playdate. Moving my arms, or sitting, or any one of a hundred little movements bring pain. Sometimes enough to bring me near to tears.
And is that sane?
I do know that it feeds me. Fills me. Makes me wet and warm and wanton. And…my need for pain dovetails so perfectly with His need to deliver it.
To control it.
To control me.
With this consensual mutualism…well that’s not exactly the right word, as we are the same species…but the idea is there…
We need each other—and because of our mutual, opposite needs…. Master and I are a perfect fit.
He needs to control. He needs to hurt someone. He needs to be in charge.
I need to be controlled. I need to be hurt. I need to give up my controls to someone who will…
You see how this feeds, one into the other?
This is the best part of BDSM for me…that we feed each other perfectly…yin and yang, light and dark, pain and pleasure.
aisha. I hope that answers your question! (Maybe more than you ever wanted to know, eh?!)
Master has tasked me for the last few days with …a task that i am not at liberty to explain. Not one word may I tell of it until Wednesday.
This is the last week of Question Month…but you know if ever you have one, feel free to shout it out!