It is, So Deal.

I know the phrase “It is what it is” strikes resonance with some…and rabid hatred with others.

Yet today?

It really is what it is.

It is not something I can change. I have no power over this…this “is”. I can only deal with the repercussions of “it”.

I had hoped that today would be a play-day for Master and I.

And.

It’s not.

We’re catching a bit of time to be together at Starbucks…time for a cup of tea, that sort of thing. It was to be the first time behind closed doors since early February.

But it doesn’t work for Him, ergo…it can’t happen.

And I’m pulling up my big girl panties and dealing with it. It comes on the heels of two weeks totally apart, since last weekend we didn’t hook up at all due to Easter.  So I’m feeling particularly vulnerable and needy just now.

And I know it will help immensely just to see Him. To smell Him. To kiss Him. All the tangibles that make each of us unique individuals.

No playtime for nilla.

😦

That’s not exactly a pout. Nor a scowl. It’s me dealing. And sad.

Geezuz.

Why wouldn’t I be sad, right? I *fucking* miss  Him.

I miss His hands on me, the pain, the pleasure. The gliding of skin on skin. The ritual of dressing for Him. The Wall. The beating. The fucking. The tender kisses as we lay entwined.

It will be June before we get any playtime. Every weekend is spoken for from here on out, until then. That sucks, eh?

It is what it is.

I can’t change it, I can only (submissively) accept it, and move forward.

It’ll be two weeks after today before we can have face time again, as I have an obligation next weekend.

Am I moaning here?

Yup.

🙂

I’m entitled to moan. I miss my Man. I miss my Master.

And lest any of you think He’s neglecting me…oh, He isn’t. He’s still holding my orgasms in His pocket. He deals them out when He deems it appropriate. I got nothin’ last night.

He knows I’m tired. It’s been a crazy week for me. And I’d have orgasms if He let me…but He wants me in bed. And working on sleeping.

He teases me with thoughts of things to come someday…the rimming story earlier this week was borne from that….my coping with understanding the whole idea of of rimming.

Understanding the submission of it.

Understanding my extremely confusing reaction to it.

Hot.

Wet.

Grossed out.

But still…turned on.

He … manages me.

So…even when I feel alone? I really never am. Master is there…in every orgasm I get…or am denied…in the food choices I make, and even how late I stay up.

I guess…I can deal with the sadness of not “being” with Him…because really? I’m never fully without Him at all.

 

 

19 thoughts on “It is, So Deal.

  1. Sending hugs and June will be here before you know it! (At least I keep telling myself that too!)

    Rimming.. well…. I have a feeling the grossed out will not be for long.

    Master gave me 1 hour once. Yep- one hour to do whatever I damn well pleased. No restrictions, No limits… just his slave going for it.

    Never thought I would EVER go there… but for some reason it was top on my list once I had the opportunity.

    ~faithful

    1. would my Master ever give me an hour?

      methinks …no…but he did give me a minute once. I used it to kiss him brainless. 🙂

      rimming hadn’t even occurred to me back then.

      He’s the one who proposed that little deal.

      we’ll see how it goes…you have my utmost admiration !!

      nilla

    1. thanks aisha…that means a lot…i know you get it. well…most subs would right?
      coz we’re all so painfully greedy for the Control persons in our lives.

      hope your trip was a blast and a half!

      hug,

      nilla

    1. He filled my cup, to be sure.
      overflowing….

      it’s a big cup
      (laughing)

      but filled…enough to satisfy the thirst for the nonce….

      thanks andi…

      nilla

  2. wow — there needs to be a more extreme frowny face for disappointment.

    I’m sorry sweetie.

    sending hugs and shoulder bumps

    sfp

    1. I loved this comment, sfp… you could invent that emoticon and retire in luxury… 🙂

      Thanks for hugs and bumps…both are appreciate…

      glad you got your midnight o…

      nilla

  3. Well that sure sucks for you doesn’t it. I know how you feel. This sex stuff is sort of like chocolate fetish, and living next to the Hershey’s factory. You can smell it, you can taste it (almost) . It is all right there, but you can’t have any. Keep smiling dear, you know we want you to get fucked almost as much as you do. Tip

    1. This almost made me laugh out loud but my wife was in the room and i stoppped myself just shy of barking out a laugh.

      I do very much want to get fucked.

      🙂

      nilla

    1. thank you, dear mouse.

      Thanks for taking time to comment.

      sometimes …it sucks being a big girl.
      sometimes….i just want to lay on the floor and kick my feet and yell “NOT FAIR”…

      but i know He’ll remind me that no one promised fair.
      *sigh*
      today *was* a good day, despite the brevity.

      thanks again, mouse.
      nilla

  4. Lots of love and hugs dear Nilla. I hope that your Starbucks time is enough to carry you over until the next one. I understand the stress aspect too. Way too much at this end of the universe and I’ve just about buckled.

    As for the rimming thing. I get the control issue stuff. Still ew!!! Not going there. Nope.

    1. 🙂

      Would it surprise you to know i feel the same way about rimming except…it makes my pussy twitch. Sad. But true!
      Thanks for the wellwishes.. I’ll be in NYC next weekend with the teen, and so we’ll miss yet another weekend. Gods…if i can get through the next 7 weeks I’ll be golden.
      or bronzed.
      one of those!

      🙂
      nilla

      1. Ewwww, and I understand. You are just my favorite kinky bitch of a sister. 🙂
        I just want to lower my stress levels and keep them there. I’m getting rather tired of not ejoying things because I’m pinging.

  5. Hugs to you, Nilla. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you both to be apart for so long. Enjoy your coffee time ..{hugs}

    1. Thank nancy, and i do appreciate the comment and the sentiment. We had a most excellent coffee time together.
      It was ….balm to the spirit.

      Hug back,

      nilla

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