What were we saying about “out of contact” Panic?

Gosh, we’ve had this discussion before. Aisha has talked about it, just last week.  I’ve talked about it, Andi, and mouse, and…(sorry, tired nilla can’t remember everyone who commented to this thread!) ….so many others….

If we don’t hear from “Them”…we panic. Or feel slightly off-kilter. Or feel…just bad.  Maybe scared. Or disoriented.

Or even, all of the above.

And when it’s our own danged fault? It’s even worse, isn’t it?

I bought a new phone. Not a fancy-dancy thing…this is my cheater phone, after all. And it’s nice, a wee upgrade from the one that is GREAT for texting, but terrible for talking. I read reviews and did all the right stuff before I bought it…trying to make sure that the new phone is good for texting…but ALSO for talking…reception matters when one is having phone sex and you have 5 dropped calls (He was so not happy about that last week!). (a funny aside here…last Friday, after torturing me about not cumming for 20 minutes …just as He gives permission and I *explode*…the phone call drops…and He misses the orgasm.  He was a very unhappy Master about that (‘nilla? I HATE your fucking phone!”)….hence the new phone purchase.)

And then…..when I went to swap the phone, something went horribly wrong and the danged thing didn’t work. Ta-da! Instantly, nilla has NO phone. NO way to contact Master (okay I have the vanilla cell phone but 1. it’s way worse than my cheater phone and 2. it’s just fucking dangerous…not that anyone in my family ever uses or tries to use it…but what if He sent me a text in the car? The fucking thing always vibes or chirps.  (Yeah, I know, I could have turned it off…but what’s the point in that? The text would still be there if I turned the phone on!) That would be the time my wife decides to grab my purse and look for a hankie or something. (Tho she is pretty well-trained to stay out of my purse…that was early on in our relationship….we stay out of each others purses.

Anyway, I digress…

Of course, I do this on a Friday night around 1030 p.m. No tech support (no way to call anyway!), no way to fix it, and can’t transfer back to my other, not-so-good-but-i-could-still-use-it phone. Only allowed one transfer in a 24 hour period.

I use my vanilla phone to text my (required) morning text. Read His reply. Ah, at least there is this very light “touch”…and then I delete them.

And head to Maine, phoneless.

Extremely limited morning contact (5 words), no emails, , nada since Friday night. Nothing coming in during the day.

I’m alone.

Adrift.

Nervous.

Yes, I was sweating. Pacing my room. I couldn’t sleep. I was awake until 130 a.m. fretting about it.

I have felt so…apart and alone today…talk about dependent. Oh, I had a great time in Maine, a nice time with family…but no Master time.  It’s a cruel dichotomy that I was surrounded by people I love, and who love me…and still felt an aching loss.

It’s addiction, isn’t it?

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Here it is, very very very late Saturday night and I finally switched back phones….I’ll figure out how to deal with the new phone later in the week when wifey is not around and i have more time.

It’s been an exhausting day, 5 hours of driving (round trip)…thankfully not much traffic…then the Visit with MIL, then home to do stuff around the house.  I don’t like driving as much as I used to, at least not with my wife in the car. She gasps every time I pull into the passing lane. We’re talking, not taking off the cruise control to pass these pokey peeps… within the speed limit. She tells me she just slows down and follows at their pace.

Oh for fucks sake! It’d take forever to get home!! It’s a 3-lane highway. Just typing that irks me. So after she told me that she was “nervous” (I have never had a traffic accident…the one time I was involved in one, they ran a stop sign and plowed into me.) Of course I point that out to her, and then I announce from that point on (the last hour of the drive), “I’m about to change lanes”…which tweeked her a bit … such is life, right?

Underlying all the vanilla stuff was the knowledge that I would not be able to text Him when I got home. I tried with the vanilla phone but coz it was cloudy and humid (and I live in a valley surrounded by granite hills) i had zero reception on that phone…I’d have to go outside to use it. That wasn’t going to happen.

But I’ve gotten the old phone up and running. And sent my text. (and okay, i tried to call but He’s likely in bed by now)

And although I’ve not heard from Him, there is no longer a sense of incipient panic. I have the ability to “reach out and touch”.

These connections have many different connotations, don’t they?