What were we saying about “out of contact” Panic?

Gosh, we’ve had this discussion before. Aisha has talked about it, just last week.  I’ve talked about it, Andi, and mouse, and…(sorry, tired nilla can’t remember everyone who commented to this thread!) ….so many others….

If we don’t hear from “Them”…we panic. Or feel slightly off-kilter. Or feel…just bad.  Maybe scared. Or disoriented.

Or even, all of the above.

And when it’s our own danged fault? It’s even worse, isn’t it?

I bought a new phone. Not a fancy-dancy thing…this is my cheater phone, after all. And it’s nice, a wee upgrade from the one that is GREAT for texting, but terrible for talking. I read reviews and did all the right stuff before I bought it…trying to make sure that the new phone is good for texting…but ALSO for talking…reception matters when one is having phone sex and you have 5 dropped calls (He was so not happy about that last week!). (a funny aside here…last Friday, after torturing me about not cumming for 20 minutes …just as He gives permission and I *explode*…the phone call drops…and He misses the orgasm.  He was a very unhappy Master about that (‘nilla? I HATE your fucking phone!”)….hence the new phone purchase.)

And then…..when I went to swap the phone, something went horribly wrong and the danged thing didn’t work. Ta-da! Instantly, nilla has NO phone. NO way to contact Master (okay I have the vanilla cell phone but 1. it’s way worse than my cheater phone and 2. it’s just fucking dangerous…not that anyone in my family ever uses or tries to use it…but what if He sent me a text in the car? The fucking thing always vibes or chirps.  (Yeah, I know, I could have turned it off…but what’s the point in that? The text would still be there if I turned the phone on!) That would be the time my wife decides to grab my purse and look for a hankie or something. (Tho she is pretty well-trained to stay out of my purse…that was early on in our relationship….we stay out of each others purses.

Anyway, I digress…

Of course, I do this on a Friday night around 1030 p.m. No tech support (no way to call anyway!), no way to fix it, and can’t transfer back to my other, not-so-good-but-i-could-still-use-it phone. Only allowed one transfer in a 24 hour period.

I use my vanilla phone to text my (required) morning text. Read His reply. Ah, at least there is this very light “touch”…and then I delete them.

And head to Maine, phoneless.

Extremely limited morning contact (5 words), no emails, , nada since Friday night. Nothing coming in during the day.

I’m alone.



Yes, I was sweating. Pacing my room. I couldn’t sleep. I was awake until 130 a.m. fretting about it.

I have felt so…apart and alone today…talk about dependent. Oh, I had a great time in Maine, a nice time with family…but no Master time.  It’s a cruel dichotomy that I was surrounded by people I love, and who love me…and still felt an aching loss.

It’s addiction, isn’t it?


Here it is, very very very late Saturday night and I finally switched back phones….I’ll figure out how to deal with the new phone later in the week when wifey is not around and i have more time.

It’s been an exhausting day, 5 hours of driving (round trip)…thankfully not much traffic…then the Visit with MIL, then home to do stuff around the house.  I don’t like driving as much as I used to, at least not with my wife in the car. She gasps every time I pull into the passing lane. We’re talking, not taking off the cruise control to pass these pokey peeps… within the speed limit. She tells me she just slows down and follows at their pace.

Oh for fucks sake! It’d take forever to get home!! It’s a 3-lane highway. Just typing that irks me. So after she told me that she was “nervous” (I have never had a traffic accident…the one time I was involved in one, they ran a stop sign and plowed into me.) Of course I point that out to her, and then I announce from that point on (the last hour of the drive), “I’m about to change lanes”…which tweeked her a bit … such is life, right?

Underlying all the vanilla stuff was the knowledge that I would not be able to text Him when I got home. I tried with the vanilla phone but coz it was cloudy and humid (and I live in a valley surrounded by granite hills) i had zero reception on that phone…I’d have to go outside to use it. That wasn’t going to happen.

But I’ve gotten the old phone up and running. And sent my text. (and okay, i tried to call but He’s likely in bed by now)

And although I’ve not heard from Him, there is no longer a sense of incipient panic. I have the ability to “reach out and touch”.

These connections have many different connotations, don’t they?


11 thoughts on “What were we saying about “out of contact” Panic?

  1. Oh yeah. Neither of us have cell phones at the moment. No $ for them. So,… I’ve had to take the Xoom with me to meetings. I hook into the building’s wireless. (huzzah for being a geek!) and we’ve kept connected via chat. Why? Because I’ve been so busy this week that I haven’t seen much of my dear Wolf. So, I understand.

    As for the change lane thing… good grief! She’s lucky it wasn’t me. First off, I lived in Europe for 14 years. Second, after the first bitch, I’d have pulled off, given her the keys and moved into the passenger seat.

  2. lol — another reason to be single.

    My Mom does the same thing — although she’s told me that part of it is that she’s short — (her feet don’t really touch the floor well) and she reaches for balance when the driver changes lanes

    but I think she’s just a control freak


    • LOL..yeah…i think there is some control freak thing…but she (wife) also drives like an old lady…no offense … like 5-10 miles below posted speed limit…so in a 30 mile zone…yeah. like really?


  3. Its amazing the “touch” we get through today’s technology. I often don’t know what I’d do without it

  4. Omigosh, i can’t imagine driving with someone who’s that uncomfortable with my driving style. {um, having been compared to a pace car driver, ya know, by ~ o! That was you wasn’t it? LOL}

    Sir says that He just goes to sleep when i’m driving so He doesn’t have to watch. That’s ok with me, so long as He’s not over there gasping and air-braking. 🙂 i drove us through the mountains in the middle of the night in a torrential downpour safely. i have no tickets, one fender-bender accident in going on 40 years of driving. i have, however, offered to put people out before. Nicely, of course. Just suggesting that if they’d be more comfortable walking that would be an option.

    Glad that you’re in touch with your Master again!!!

    • LOL…that’s a good idea. I kept tweaking her all weekend when I passed people, even on the road to church…point made!!



  5. I have a good idea of what you are writing about, I am up at camp could read your post but AT&T wouldn’t let me respond until now. Everyone has Version but me, that will have to change after this contract is up. Sorry your weekend plans didn’t work out. I did really enjoy the picture of your wonderful brea.. It filled up the screen of this phone big time. Tip

    • There you are Tip! Wondered if you spent the weekend up at camp. Camp is fun. And it can get hot up there… *wink*

      (picturing your tit-filled phone…oh my!)

    • It was SO frustrating. Last night I tried again and VOILA! the new phone works. After another session of “nilla, I HATE your fucking phone” I hung up and retried it. I don’t like the buttons as much, but I’ll adapt. At least its still a qwerty board for texting.

      Thanks for commenting…always enjoy your voice here.


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