Ponderings

Wow, what a week.

I think I finally have my head out of subspace. Although I do still tend to float off into my memories from time to time. Kinda sounds like an old lady sitting on her porch shelling peas, rather than a slut recalling a beating, doesn’t it?

Last night I had a wicked bout of insomnia (tea at 10:30 is never a good idea) and I was thinking deep thoughts. About the meaning of life. My life. About the sun exploding and snuffing us all out. About the Mayan calendar. About *my* impact in both worlds that I straddle.

I give good story here, I think. I’ve helped with orgasms, and ideas. I’ve shared my story with you all. The ups and downs of my journey as a submissive. I hope it has amused and entertained you, because I’ve certainly enjoyed thinking aloud here.

Where am I going with this? Not sure, since I never sit down with a plan. Just rolling with things. Bear with me!

I’m a fretter. I’ll bet you knew that, right? I fret over small stuff sometimes, but I’ve worked really hard at letting the inconsequentials go. There are a lot of them, clamoring to get in.  I don’t care if people remember me 20 years from now…”oh remember that slut who wrote all that smut?” or 100 years from now. I never wanted to be a famous person because I really like solitude. I miss that quiet time in my life.

I started a new job in the evenings, and that’s helped. I work by myself, and get to putter around a beautiful old building. I have my Saturday job, and love that one too. I have a good life. A lot of working time, and not so much down time, but really I like to be busy. My free time is spent working on a home renovation project that may not be finished in my lifetime (although the two contractors who are coming to do technical stuff have promised to come next week to finish their part so I can finish my part…but I’m not holding my breath). Actually, it’s coming together really well, and the hardest part of the task is behind me. Already the space is better than it’s been all summer, and I am really trying to get it done before Thanksgiving.

And things with Master are good. Better than good. As we roll into October we have our anniversary, tho neither of us remembers the day we started “talking” online. It was likely at the end of September because we’d tried to meet in October, and November and December.  Three years under our belt. Well, under His belt, LOL!

I guess I was thinking about how lucky I am, too, as I lay there in the dark, knowing all the people I love were sleeping soundly. My kids snoring at the other side of the house, my Master went to bed early, my sub-sisters were involved with their significant others,  and there I was thinking of all these blessings. Family, Master, friends, home, pets.

We’re standing on the cusp of Autumn here in the northeast, a time of shifting weather, shifting seasons. And this is way more introspective of  a post than I’m sure you all are used to seeing here.  Soon there will be stories to write (Master has me “on orders” to create something for this weekend), and naughty tales to tickle your tastebuds.

Or your …whatevers. 🙂

Maybe after the energy surge of a season shifting my head will quiet down a bit, and I’ll worry a bit less about the world ending. 🙂

But for now?

Just a quiet nilla, pondering.