Wow, what a week.

I think I finally have my head out of subspace. Although I do still tend to float off into my memories from time to time. Kinda sounds like an old lady sitting on her porch shelling peas, rather than a slut recalling a beating, doesn’t it?

Last night I had a wicked bout of insomnia (tea at 10:30 is never a good idea) and I was thinking deep thoughts. About the meaning of life. My life. About the sun exploding and snuffing us all out. About the Mayan calendar. About *my* impact in both worlds that I straddle.

I give good story here, I think. I’ve helped with orgasms, and ideas. I’ve shared my story with you all. The ups and downs of my journey as a submissive. I hope it has amused and entertained you, because I’ve certainly enjoyed thinking aloud here.

Where am I going with this? Not sure, since I never sit down with a plan. Just rolling with things. Bear with me!

I’m a fretter. I’ll bet you knew that, right? I fret over small stuff sometimes, but I’ve worked really hard at letting the inconsequentials go. There are a lot of them, clamoring to get in.  I don’t care if people remember me 20 years from now…”oh remember that slut who wrote all that smut?” or 100 years from now. I never wanted to be a famous person because I really like solitude. I miss that quiet time in my life.

I started a new job in the evenings, and that’s helped. I work by myself, and get to putter around a beautiful old building. I have my Saturday job, and love that one too. I have a good life. A lot of working time, and not so much down time, but really I like to be busy. My free time is spent working on a home renovation project that may not be finished in my lifetime (although the two contractors who are coming to do technical stuff have promised to come next week to finish their part so I can finish my part…but I’m not holding my breath). Actually, it’s coming together really well, and the hardest part of the task is behind me. Already the space is better than it’s been all summer, and I am really trying to get it done before Thanksgiving.

And things with Master are good. Better than good. As we roll into October we have our anniversary, tho neither of us remembers the day we started “talking” online. It was likely at the end of September because we’d tried to meet in October, and November and December.  Three years under our belt. Well, under His belt, LOL!

I guess I was thinking about how lucky I am, too, as I lay there in the dark, knowing all the people I love were sleeping soundly. My kids snoring at the other side of the house, my Master went to bed early, my sub-sisters were involved with their significant others,  and there I was thinking of all these blessings. Family, Master, friends, home, pets.

We’re standing on the cusp of Autumn here in the northeast, a time of shifting weather, shifting seasons. And this is way more introspective of  a post than I’m sure you all are used to seeing here.  Soon there will be stories to write (Master has me “on orders” to create something for this weekend), and naughty tales to tickle your tastebuds.

Or your …whatevers. 🙂

Maybe after the energy surge of a season shifting my head will quiet down a bit, and I’ll worry a bit less about the world ending. 🙂

But for now?

Just a quiet nilla, pondering.

17 thoughts on “Ponderings

  1. I am also taking things one day at a time, my problem is that several days seem to gang up on me at once. Currently it’s Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, just hate it when Monday comes back to get you. Good luck with the contractors, they work on a different time frame than the rest of us!

    1. *laughing* yes! They do gang up on us…those pesky days!

      Group one of contractors were here this morning…and the part was wrong. So…they’ll be here this afternoon, I guess. Crazy day. But..one set down. Now, if only my sexy electrician neighbor came by….:)


  2. *smiles* This actually happened to quite a few of us yesterday. We finally figured out it was Mabon and we were taking stock of our non-physical harvests. Blessed Mabon Nilla, subly sister friend.

  3. Peppermint tea…. just saying.

    I wouldn’t worry too much about the end of the Mayan calendar. The advances in knowledge in reading Mayan indicate that the calendar starts over, not ends. The actual date is still being debated. Oct. 28 this year is a front runner, while the Dec. 21st has been widely accepted as the day, largely because it is the winter solstice. On this coming solstice, the sun will appear where you would normally be able to see the ‘galactic equator’ of the Milky Way; a special occurance because it only happens once every 25.800 years. However, even if you ignore the fact that there is no actual galactic equator, just an observed one, and that the visual effect is pretty much the same for an entire decade surrounding that date, there are major problems with the way the Maya Calendar is being read . There is also a school of thought that says the Mayan calendar doesn’t end until 2220. I think it’s going to be the Mayan Y2K bug. Remember that?

    I love your stories, but I have to say, I really like introspective nilla. 🙂

    (maybe I should rename myself geekylittle monkey?)

    1. You have no idea how much this comforted me. Seriously. i have read it twice now. 🙂


      (I like geeky monkeys, just as much as funny monkeys, and introspective monkeys…)

    1. 🙂

      Ryan…I love that song, and yes…when life was slow and mellow and not filled with home renovations and dreams of singing bunnies…


  4. I think we all think about things as the nights draw in. I think of how in six weeks it will be Samhain and the New Year. So much change on the horizon.

    Lots of love and hugs!

    1. Lots of time running under the bridge…I just was feeling very…human, I guess. Not that there is anything wrong with that!

      This is a good place to process, isn’t it? Supportive friends, and somehow, just getting it “out” of my head, helped.


  5. I can see you pondering now on the front porch now, in your rocking chair, sitting on your butt plug, with your dildo, where ever you keep it and your nipple clamps,clamped tighly, rocking quickly. Also with a big ass smile on your face. Tip

  6. Thank you Nilla. You are not alone in your ponderings; I believe a great many people are doing the same, me included! I have actually come to a point in my life if “the end” is nigh I’m comfortable with it.

    1. thanks charlotte….it’s been an instrospective time of year for me…and like you, I’m okay if the end is nigh…all part of the wheel. I’m on it, I can’t change it, and someday I’ll be in a different place. It’s all good.


  7. Isn’t ot amazing when you look back at where the journey began and where you are now. Knowing that the journey is not over bit still ongoing.

    1. *nodding*

      that’s it exactly. It has been an amazing journey…and I’m one who stops and smells the roses along the way….I’m not in any hurry to reach the “destination” because I’m enjoying the road so much!


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