Sex and the Embrace of Pain

There’s been a discussion over at aisha’s blog regarding whether we (we being those on the “/s”  side of the slash 🙂 )  feel we “get enough” …enough sex, enough Dominance…or whether we are satisfied. As I recall, I answered then that really, I have a good balance of what I want, what I need, what He needs. I have a limited capacity for D/s in my life, being as I’m a slut on the side, which has to often take 2nd place to being a wife and mommy.

I loved reading about that. Aisha has a way of breaking down a topic  that explores it candidly, with a lightness of touch that I envy. She guides me to think, explore, and examine my role as a submissive.

The funny thing is, despite saying I’m content with how D/s plays out in my life, I always feel like an insatiable bitch. One of the things I’ve noted is that I may not feel “as sexual” if there’s been a few days without orgasms…but that Master stirs the pot, adds a bit of this, a dash of that…and it seems to ramp up the sex need for me, despite the lack of saity. It’s rare for me to feel “nothing” sexually, though you know it’s happened from time to time. Of course, if He’s upset with me, that is a true lust killer…but that so rarely happens.

Last week I had occasion to have two orgasms back to back (rare)…and the first one came so quickly…and the second one too, I remember laying there saying “what? REALLY?”….was my body so in need of release that it just blew up like that? Apparently!

Some of what Master feeds me is pain. I’m a masochist, remember, and pain makes me so fucking slutty…

And we’ve had these conversations before about toe-stubbing and whether that can make us horny…it has, several times for me, actually.

The other night at work, a door shut on me, the pull lever slamming into the back of my shoulder so hard I saw stars. It hit me *exactly* where Master had popped me 6 weeks ago…and along with the rush of pain was a rush of turn on. It was true, when I got home from work, that there was a sticky puddle in my panties.  The orgasm I got to have that night was fierce…He fed me TONS of pain…pleasure-pain from the vibe being on High…and pain from the nipple clamps with weights…and pain from many clothespins on my belly.

I craved the pain, needing some sort of focus to work through my emotional mire. Prior to talking to him, I CRAVED something. I didn’t let myself eat, and I don’t have alcohol in the house…though I briefly considered going to get some wine, I opted not to since I had to work a LONG shift on Saturday. Not a good day to have a hangover…and drinking was hiding from the emotions we’ve all been reeling from.

He focused me.

He fed me pain.  LOTS of pain, He emphasized to me. He knew what, exactly, to do to me to push me through the emotional mire I was stuck in. The orgasm itself is barely remembered. It was fast and hard…and it gave me the release I needed.

I fell fast asleep after my toys were away, and slept through the night. Remember I said earlier that He did little things to keep me focused, to keep me on edge when I’m in orgasm lock-down?

Tonight He was kind enough to give me another Orgasm…with lots of pain like last night. But He slipped me a small gift as we parted ways in front of our Starbucks. I recognized the little portable data device…I’d just bought one myself the other day for photo storage.

I knew what was on it.

My video’s.

The ones He took when Sir P and I were fucking. When I was sucking that too-big dick of his. When I was serving Master by servicing another Dom. *blushes*

I called Him later Saturday night, and He put some parameters around my watching these videos…no more than three a night, He said, or else I’d become *too* horny, and He didn’t think that was safe for the world.

You know, like Noah’s ark, ‘cept with pussy honey.

🙂

Where am I going with this? Who knows…I’m intrigued, I guess. That pain, something I used to fear, can apparently be transmuted into a source of pleasure. It hurts, don’t get me wrong. There’s a big-assed lump on my shoulder, and tonight I walked backwards into a door banging the other shoulder. I know, it takes talent to do these sorts of things. Trust me, I’m overloaded in the klutz talent department. But once more, my pussy is throbbing softly and ready for some action. Which reminds me, I need to go grab my clamps, my weights, and get some torture started here! It’s expected, it’s what my body is craving.

And of course, it’s been “special ordered” by the Man….no UPS driver  required. Batteries, however, are included.

*laugh*

 

About vanillamom

For over 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Sex and the Embrace of Pain

  1. Wordwytch says:

    LOL! Ah Nilla, you crack me up by hurting yourself and enjoying it. 🙂 It’s so you. 🙂 And if I hear of a tidal wave of a sticky unknown substance flowing south, I’ll know you overloaded on videos. 🙂

    As for the rest of it. I think we all understand the need or necessity of submissiveness to let ourselves ‘go’. To release the tensions, frustrations and even sometimes the hurts of the day by giving in to another. Those O’s wouldn’t have been so sweet without the pain or control. The time spent with our partners/Doms/Sirs wouldn’t be as valued if not for time spent apart even for a few hours.

    No, I don’t get enough sex. (Wolf does call me a shark) When I’m with Wolf, I do get enough submission and pain, because we communicate. Still there are times though, that I’m greedy. Aren’t we all? 🙂

    And once Wolf has a job (hopefully Monday!) and we’ve moved north, I intend to lock the doors of our house/bedroom and not come out until both of us are boneless with pleasure. It has been way too long.

  2. dryfly2005 says:

    Are you sure you don’t want the UPS driver? By the way, I’ll take a copy of your video, I won’t tell Sir B. Tip

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s