Tugged Off the High Horse

I was annoyed with Master.

My being annoyed with him, annoyed Him. 🙂

He handles this, what he calls “whoremoan” times, the same way he always does. First, he ignores me.

Drives me mental. Which, of course, He well knows.

🙂

Then He talks me through it, when I can’t stand the silence any more and call him.  And then?

It’s done.

Over.

Put away.

At least until the next “whoremoan” time comes around. No, it’s not a PMS thing, those days are LONG long in my past…it’s just…things build up and I take it and take it and then…

ya’ll know I have Viking in my little nilla heart…

BAM!

I get mad all at once.

This all happened on Friday, so it’s well and truly put in the past as you read this…

But He said this thing that just resonated…said it in a quiet and calm, matter-of-fact way.

“It doesn’t matter if you like it. You just have to deal with it. It’s my way, nilla.”

Wow.

Um, talk about being put, very succinctly, back into a submissive head-space.

He’s right. There are some things that I just need to swallow. If I don’t like it, too fucking bad, deal with it. He’s the boss. Sometimes, sometimes, I do forget.

This is NOT an equal partnership.

There is NO equanimity here.

And you know, I could have kept this little “spat” private, not shared it with any of you all…but this is a real, D/s relationship…and it isn’t always easy. I’m not always good, not always perfect. I get mad, I sometimes get really annoyed, and sometimes I shoot off my mouth…it’s something that I occasionally need to be reminded of, my place. It’s not sitting beside Him. I’m not head of the table here…I’m sitting on the floor at his feet. Just…sometimes the mad overcomes my submission…and it’s not always perfect. What is perfect? His response to my pique. It IS His way. He is the Boss of my ass. And if I don’t like it…tough toodles, missy.

He handles it. Settles me. Not calm and soothing. But firm, matter of fact. It’s *my* issue. Not His.

Nothing like getting yanked off my high horse and having the bridle slapped in my mouth, yanno?

(and yes, you horse purists, I know it’s the bit that goes in my mouth, the bridle over my head…i was just making a metaphorical point!)

So.

Equilibrium re-established.

Point taken.

i ain’t the boss.

He is.

(that’s the way I like it, too.)

🙂

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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23 Responses to Tugged Off the High Horse

  1. night owl says:

    Thank you for sharing the ups and downs. It helps put it into perspective, for sure.

    That PMS thing … just when I think I’m out of the woods, I get another freaking period with swollen tits and PMS and crazy horniness (not sure if THAT has anything to do with the PMS). I’m 52. Enough already.

    Loving the Viking imagery.

    • vanillamom says:

      hi night owl…

      well, i’m descended from them … 🙂

      Yeah, I am VERY glad that the PMS days are behind me…I had surgical menopause in my 30’s so that was LONG ago…I remember the swollen tits and the crazy horniness….i think it’s natures way of saying PROCREATE NOW!!!

      nilla

  2. sirqsmlb says:

    Glad your settlered and even more glad HE setteled you! No, nothing’s easy and nothing’s really perfect. But it’s both great that you share as well as that he know you and what you NEED and you recognize that you got just that! Happy weekend nilla.

    Hugs,
    Fiona (aka SirQsmlb)

    • vanillamom says:

      Thanks Fiona!

      He settled me good. And we even had a bit of face time Saturday where I could kiss Him and apologize to his face. He didn’t need that, he said, but it made me feel better.

      🙂

      nilla

  3. Wordwytch says:

    We all have those days even in “equal” relationships. Life with my ex led to some bad habits and I’ve had to learn not to stuff them in my relationship with Wolf. Just Does Not Work. And at least you have the Oh Duh, He’s Master all the time. Over here, Wolf the Dom comes out when He decides, and I usually have about 2 seconds notice. So, I can be in the middle of a frustration and rant because I got upset, and Boom.

    So, I can commiserate.

    Oh… and Never attempt to make someone feel guilty who doesn’t “do guilt.” Just sayin’.

  4. Lovely¡
    Thanks and Blessed Be¡

  5. abby says:

    Thanks for this snippet….These episodes used to scare me inot…what if i am not good enough. They are part of the journey…
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      you are welcome abby…and that is part of why I posted it…for all the good things- and there are many, many of those- there are also these occasional fuckups that happen.

      it’s important (i think) that we remember that just like anything else, it takes work…and not always easy work, to make a relationship that is not my primary one stay healthy and good.

      And sometimes?

      I just suck.

      🙂

      Being able to be open and honest about the emotions is an important part of what does make us work.

      nilla

  6. ancilla_ksst says:

    Why does this have me singing “That’s the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh…”?

    • vanillamom says:

      that stayed in my head ALL day!

      Laughing…yeah…it kind of sums up the whole scenario, doesn’t it?

      Maybe I just needed an emotional wrangling since there hasn’t been a physical one for a while.

      *wanders off singing “uh-huh, uh-huh…”

      nilla

  7. faithful says:

    “To bad for you , that’s your problem not mine”
    Although my Master does say it in the nicest of ways, which I think helps?
    They do know how/when to put us in our place huh?

    ~faithful

    • vanillamom says:

      While it wasn’t exactly “nice” it also wasn’t “un-nice”…it was very blandly stated.

      He has the art of calm communication down to a science.

      Or maybe its just a dom thing…either way, it just knocked me on my emotional little ass.

      And then I got to see him a day or so later and lay my head on His shoulder and apologize. And he punched my arm and told me i was such a cunt.

      and that made me giggle…

      crisis, over.

      🙂

      nilla

  8. dryfly2005 says:

    Nilla, you knew all of this before didn’t you. Good to hear Sir B is keeping you in line. Tip

    • vanillamom says:

      yeah, yeah, yeah…I knew it.

      Just sometimes a slut gets…you know…needy.

      and whiney.

      He put a screeeeetching halt to it, tho.

      🙂

      nilla

  9. If it were always easy, anyone could do it, and I doubt it would appeal to many of us nearly as much. I recognize that I am not the easiest person in the world to deal with. But, I like to remind those who need reminding, I’m worth it, too.

    It’s our way.

    • vanillamom says:

      a beautiful, thoughtful response, Ms. Constance…and He is worth it, as well. And there are many days when it feels easy…and I need to remember these words on those days when I feel…well…pissy. 🙂

      Thank you, Ma’am!

      nilla

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