Perfectly Mean Master

He’s fierce. Firm. Usually unyielding.

It is next to impossible to make Him change His mind – if He says “no O tonight, little girl”? It really IS ‘no O tonight’.

This is *exactly* the kind of man, the sort of Dominant that I was searching for way back at the start of my journey. Back when I was first learning about submission.

And hell, I write all kinds of fairy tales, and happy-ever-afters where the Dom and submissive NEVER get into any serious conflict, and the action is all about what happens on their way to an orgasm, or twenty.

Or mostly that sort.

And I’m fine with that.

Just understand, if you’re new here, or a new submissive, that REAL submission just isn’t like a fairy tale. There are some bad days. Your Master, your Sir, your Dom? Not perfect. Perfect for you, maybe. But mostly?


He’ll have bad days that have *nothing* to do with  YOU..but you’ll have to bear the brunt of the mood. He’ll have days when the smallest thing will annoy Him.

YOU’ll have bad days when it seems like He hasn’t responded to a single text, and you KNOW He doesn’t love you anymore, because if he TRULY loved you, He’d respond INSTANTLY, within seconds of you sending that needy, heartfelt text.

Am I right?


Yeah, we’ve all been there. We’ve all walked a part of that journey. And sometimes, even having done it time and again? It still hurts, it still makes us feel those niggley little doubts. Even after 3 years, I tend to get a bit…well, He calls it “being womanish”, which is Master speak for an eyeroll. It annoys Him, I know, that I still have these flare-ups of doubt.

How many times have any of us longed for more than we were getting, staring with longing at someone else’s “perfect” relationship, wanting that very same thing?

Yeah. It happens with me, too.

And you know what I find out every damn time?

My relationship with Him is pretty near perfect…for us. I’m not looking, He’s not looking, at anyone other than each other. And if He can’t answer a text it isn’t because He doesn’t love me.

Sometimes I forget that He travels, often for hours at a shot, and in some areas of the northeast, you can’t talk on a cell while driving. Or He might just be in Boston and you all know that traffic in our hometown is terrifying on the best of days.

So back to what I was saying….

Master and i had a brief tiff last week. It was micro-short. And dammit, I thought I hid it so well.


That’s how many hours it had been since I’d last heard from Him. Ours is not a “true” LDR as we do get to see one another briefly every week or two…but most of our communication is text and calls. When that fails?

I fret.

You all know this, I’ve said it before. And I went through all the stages listed above, but I sent Him a very short, “understanding” sort of text.

He understood that I was being “womanish” again. I walked all around it, as carefully as could be…but He knew. He knew I was teetering on the edge of being pissy.

He’s begun, He told me later, to correlate these pissy moments to the amount of orgasms that He gives me. A lot of them? Longer times before I hit a womanish place. Less O’s? Less than 9 days.

This man is pretty fucking smart.

Wisely, (oh, so wisely) I refrained from pointing out the obvious. If He wants less womanish, then give me more O’s. Right?

Yet He (oh so wisely) understands that He is in control and I *like* that, as perverse as it is. Sure I’d love a hundred O’s a week. I’m not stupid. Yet even more than the orgasms,  I love the feeling of His controlling them even more than getting them.

And that is part of what makes our relationship work. He knows what feeds me,  He likes what He likes, and together we’ve welded our “likes” to match our “needs”.

We’re not perfect. But we are perfect for each other.

21 thoughts on “Perfectly Mean Master

  1. You know, every time I see a post with the word Master in it, I find myself wondering. “Oh No! What this time?”. Why? Well,… I always end up giggling. Wolf then asks… “What has Nilla done this time?” I read it out loud and he laughs that deep throaty laugh which sends shivers down my spine. He also usually gives me that “And don’t YOU even think about it? look. Or, he does the “if Nilla was my sub…” and goes on to describe what he’d do. This time he just laughed. Nodded and laughed.

    We all have our own form of perfect. Some days it isn’t so perfect, but when it works, oh how nice it is. For the record, Wolf says he could never give me enough O’s, as I am like a shark when it comes to them. Always hungry. 🙂

    1. nodding…i get the shark bit…oh do I..

      yet…i am hoist by my own petard there, as I craved him caring enough to control my orgasms…

      as tis said…be careful what you ask for, as you might get it!

      And really overall? It’s a good thing for me, and for Him.

      A strange sort of connection, yet it does bind us.

      Wouldn’t that be a fantasy…playing with a Wolf… 🙂


      1. I figured you’d get the shark bit. 🙂 And as I have such better orgasms with Wolf, I tend to wait until we play rather than take matters in hand so to speak.

        Playing with Wolf… 🙂 He is very good at giving you what need, not necessarily what you want. shudder….

  2. You hit the nail on the head.. it is exactly right for YOU two. Nobody else.
    I do hate that nervous insecure “womanish” feeling. Thankfully it doesn’t come over me very often. Maybe it does have something to do with the O’ s…Sir doesn’t restrict mine.. in fact he encourages me to go for more.
    Oh I long for things, I am so darned human.. but in truth, I am blessed.

    1. thanks nancy…and it’s true. we all long for things…it’s learning to appreciate what we have while we have it that’s the hardest thing isn’t it?

      lucky slut…all the O’s you want? oooohhh…*nilla swoons*

  3. Womanish… Still stuck on that. Where did he EVER get that? What exactly does it mean… eyeroll, insecurities, pms-ing, WHAT?

    I’m glad you set folks straight that fiction IS fictitious. Good reminder. Real life is messy at times. But finding the part that molds perfectly with your part…the Master to YOUR sub…that is a gift from the universe.

    …so more O’s… But on his terms?

    1. Who knows where ‘womanish’ came from…but it’s the opposite kinda, of slut, which is way more complimentary …and it means insecure and acting like I have monthlies (don’t ) …all emotional and crying and SUPER needy. He is creative, that man.

      Nope…he has decided to ramp things up with “almost o’s..”

      where I almost cum…but have to stop.

      i HATE those…but they are exciting at the same time.


  4. Yes, we have all been there..after 10 years i still occasionally end up there. But pererct for the 2 of you…that is what matters….Love the ‘being womanish’
    hugs abby

  5. I think “The grass is always greener” is a truism because it’s true. I’ve had my fair share of looking around and thinking – oh wouldn’t that be nice – but it’s so much nicer to recognize the rightness of what i do have. I love your writing about your relationship – you so clearly recognize the rightness of it. As far as feeling “womanish” – yea – i think most of us do. But really – what is the alternative – to feel “mannish” – that might not work so well in this type of set up?

    1. He says “womanish” to get a rise out of me. He prefers me being angry/annoyed at him rather than hurt and or crying.

      Crying undoes Him. 🙂

      And womanish never fails to make me annoyed… 🙂

      I’ve pointed out the mannish thing…which he dismisses as “not with those tits!”

      Bastard! 🙂 Then…I do like that.

      Thanks GG…we’ve worked hard to get to this place, He and I and it’s not always been sunshine and daisies…

      btw…is your blog private and might one get an invite to read?

      my email is hint hint…


  6. I love reading your blog. I know it can be tough to put a missed text message in perspective of the grand scheme of things but mostly I think it comes down to respect. If the guy or girl you are “so in love with” can blow off your texts (repeatably) then what does that say about their devotion to your relationship. I have come to learn that relationships require a lot of work but it sounds like you and your S/O are working very well together.

    1. It’s less about “blowing off” the texts, and more about the fact that I’m home all day and relatively free to text…and he’s at work. He can’t text while he drives, and I understand that. It is not uncommon for Him to go from a 3 hour drive into a 3 hour meeting…

      it’s more about *me* and my fretting. I am a die-hard worrywort. I keep trying to be calm and reasonable…after all, i’m not 18 and worrying that he’s ditched me…neither of us are young things anymore…it’s more about my own fear of losing Him.

      He has told me in no uncertain terms that if we were to break up, we’d do a hella lot of talking before it came to that. . . and for me? that is the most valuable part of our relationship. That i *can* go to Him and say “i’m feeling alone, I’m missing you,” or whatever…and we deal with it.

      Thanks for taking time to comment here, Lilly!

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