Really? Ya’ll Like the Rambles, eh?

Master wrote me a very wonderful response to my post on Monday. I was going to share it, but I think I’m just going to hold it close to my heart. The final thing he said to me when I called to thank him, was “remember nilla–you write for you–no one else. Everyone who reads is just along for the ride with you.”

That  moved me. I’ve always said that, this is my place, and I’m so glad you all come along and read and comment…but once in a while I forget, and I get taken aback when there is the occasional negative remark. These are my fantasies, and I *know* that I’m not going to hit every person’s personal “thing”, right?And some of my things will be things that utterly repulse some of you.  Some of you are turned off by the stories I’ve written about doggie sex, for instance, and some don’t like rape stories (though there are a lot of us pervies who do get all wet and quivery about the *fantasy* of rape sex. This in NO WAY condones rape culture, or the thought that a girl should get nailed because her skirt was too short. This here is a fantasy. No more, no less.)

So…one of my little fetishes is writing Octo-porn. 🙂 Tentacles in all their many forms both repulse me…and turn me on.  So imagine my surprise when I was hunting for Easter basket goodies at big box store…and found these:

pinkoctiThere are 4 pair of sox here, and this is the “alt” colorway:


I LOVE them, love them. I’ll wear them every time I sit to write a tale of dastardly tentacles!


My bruises are fading, and I’m quite sad about it. The ones on my thigh and ass and shoulder are still pretty much there, but a bunch on my left arm turned green the other day (and that’s kind of unpretty, yanno?) and are now faded to pale. I think the one on my left thigh, which I don’t believe I printed here, will be black and blue for another week. It’s funny coz that one doesn’t hurt all that much, really, He just managed to hit just right with that fucking pink brush.


You’re likely to be hit with a string of nilla ramblings this week, as it is a wonderfully busy week just before Easter. I’m working 11 hours on Saturday, and part of Easter morning (I don’t mind, I’m a pagan. I don’t really enjoy the church thing on Easter, though our church is VERY liberal, mostly humanist, with a lot of pagans thrown in for spice. But…it’s not my scene so I’m happy to have the work hours. We’ll do the whole egg-hunt thing when we all gather again post-church. My kids have been good about it, too.  Our Bunny is clever, he likes to hide clues in the eggs, making them run up and down stairs to find the next, until they find the last one leading to their baskets.  He’s even smart enough to do pictorial ones for my two non-reading kids. 🙂

And Master and I will maybe get a wee hook up time on Friday evening as I journey into the City to wait for the teen kiddo. He’s going to a dance with the g/f. We’ll see  how that all plays out. Hopeful though.


Looks like the snow storm slated (last week, at least) to strike the northeast tomorrow…will miss. Hall-lay-loo-yah! We’ve finally danced above 40* and should get there again today (Monday). All the snow we got last week has nearly melted. And I planted my tomato seeds Sunday afternoon. 🙂 It will be a long time before I can plant them outside, but at least they have begun!


ON the D/s front?

Master has been a HUGE BIG MEANIE!

He offered me a “deal” with “better than house odds”…He challenges my math “skills” frequently. I could have an O on Saturday night, for sure.

Or I could risk the odds and get TWO o’s on Sunday. 55% odds that I’d get it if I waited.

He even UPPED the ante, pushing my odds up later Saturday night. But no. I stuck to my guns. I was fucking horny, no O since Tuesday, and I was resolute.


My son was volunteering at an event at church, with friends of mine bringing him back home. As the hour approached 11, I texted him. My “day” ends at midnight and if I don’t get an O in, tough tooties. He didn’t answer the first text.

11:15 I text again.

He says they have one more load of dishes to do, maybe 30 minutes. My heart sinks. It’s a 30 minute drive home. I’m fucked. Or, as I like to say, unfucked.

I try to text Master to see if there is still a chance…but no answer. He was asleep. Or ignoring me. Or laughing. One of those.

So no O when I finally fell into bed, exhausted, at 1245 a.m. I’d been up since 530 a.m., worked a 9 hour shift at work, saw Master, came home and waited for the teen to arrive back. All the while being uber horny, needing an O so much.


I tried last night. He was in a foul mood. Just…human, you know. And disinclined to give *me* pleasure. Now…He’s just enjoying torturing me, and it’s apparent that I’ll have to wait until my “usual” day, Tuesday, before I get an O. (as I sit here, throbbing and wanton as I write this)

He is such a Bastard sometimes.

(and yes, I do like it that way–otherwise what’s the point, right? But I still get to grouse about it. 🙂 win-win even when it’s a lose-lose.)

When I talked to Him Monday night He was totally set on my not getting an O. He won’t change His mind very often…even though His mood was sunnier. A bit sunnier…and enjoying that I was all wanton and needy. I’d tried ALL evening to soften Him up, sending Him texts while I was working… I even co-opted a song from the 50’s, rewriting the words, something about “now He holds my o’s,” and then I got busy, and about 20 minutes passed before I looked at my phone.

We’re here this beautiful day to celebrate the (former) life of Nilla the Slut – who left this planet after constantly pestering her M -even though the song was clever.

“nilla the slut sits quietly in the corner like a good girl.”

And so I left Him alone until I knew He was driving home from work. Which is why I’m glad I had the most of this text written since we talked through my bed hour. 🙂

You’ll note that in my text to Him I said “like” a good girl, not that I *am* a good girl. 🙂 Need to leave those “pestering options” open. *laughs*


(this is uber rambley…even for me!)

I started a story..well…actually, being the ADD person I am, I started one story, got up to make a cuppa (tea) and on my way back? Got an idea for a 2nd story so I started that one.

Which means that neither is done. But both are half-done. Tomorrow should be an easier day. We’ll see.  But thanks to sofia for the idea for story one. Her blog entry today made a naughty little tale pop right into my head. I love when that happens.


One final thing…I thank you…ALL of you…for your comments over the weekend, and especially on Monday. We’ve all been judged, and likely even judged someone else (I know I have, and paid the price for it, of personal and public embarrassment for not remembering my manners)…I will respond to each of you, just know that I’m really backlogged. I very much value all your thoughts, and the time that you take in writing to me.

Be well my friends.


49 thoughts on “Really? Ya’ll Like the Rambles, eh?

  1. Yeah, I liked your rambles. Love them, because I get to see how life’s going for you. I love the socks. I showed them to Wolf, and he just shook his head and laughed. Oh, and we were in the Dom Shop (Lowes), in the tool department and I’m looking at clamps. Stop! Do not pass go, do not assume that they are for MY nipples. I’m doing some woodworking and trying to find some that will work… when Wolf walks up and clamps this big ass clamp on my hand and does the “oh Nilla” voice thing and just giggles. Of course, I’m standing there with this big clamp on my hand trying not to laugh too hard as one of the employees knows us and is about 5ft away… He took it off my hand once I asked. There were also jokes about clamp party packs.

    So, there’s my ramble for the moment. Loved yours and hope that you get an O before you explode. 🙂

    WW & Wolf.

      1. Robert? I’m confused.
        You weren’t calling *my* Master an ass, were you? Gosh, I hope not. That would be just mean.

        There is a difference between my master being mean to me, and other people. I love my Master. And we’ve worked hard to build our relationship…he’s earned the right to be mean to me.

        You have not. So, in the inimitable words of my mother, if you can’t say anything nice? Don’t say anything at all.

        Hurt feelings take longer to heal than bruises.


      2. Ah, internet trolls. You try soaking them out, you try scrubbing them out. And still you have internet trolls. *sigh*

      3. you don’t think D/s has an element of pain/hitting/striking your partner? How do you do D/s without that as a physical component? It is a deep need for me to be hurt–not beaten in an angry, abusive way, but hit, struck/spanked with his hand or a cane or a spoon…I wouldn’t be in a relationship without that as a component.


      4. OK spanking I give my girl but I don’t leave bruises on my girl either. I’ve used canes and floggers to give her pain but I know how to use those right to where there’s no brusing on her even with a spoon I still don’t leave bruises on her.

      5. Oh I’m not a troll just think what I see and read from your post is just utter horror your to beautiful to be abused in that type of way sex is meant to be passionate to mean something not bruseing and a little pain but what I read and see on your blog makes me cringe for you.

      6. Each to their own. There isn’t a “right” way to do this…and if I didn’t have bruises I’d be disappointed.


        On Thu, Aug 11, 2016 at 12:32 PM, Vanillamom's Blog wrote:


      7. Still the brusing is gross and don’t care if you’d feel disappointed without them you look great without them in other words with them you look like you have an abusive relationship and if any man like me happen to see those he’d be fucked up or dead

      8. Yeah well-clearly we rock to different drummers. C’est la vie.

        On Aug 11, 2016 3:22 PM, “Vanillamom's Blog” wrote:


    1. Robert? I’m confused.
      You weren’t calling *my* Master an ass, were you? Gosh, I hope not. That would be just mean.

      There is a difference between my master being mean to me, and other people. I love my Master. And we’ve worked hard to build our relationship…he’s earned the right to be mean to me.

      You have not. So, in the inimitable words of my mother, if you can’t say anything nice? Don’t say anything at all.

      Hurt feelings take longer to heal than bruises.


    2. Robert,
      I have had issues with some of the pics and content too, but you know what?
      You don’t have to keep coming back, you don’t have to read it, you don’t have to keep coming back here.
      Nilla has obviously made her own choices as to what she loves, what she can handle, and what she wants.
      Those aren’t your choices, and if you don’t like them, you can choose to walk away and not ‘see’ them anymore.
      Also you agreed with her post about judgement for the lifestyle, but judged her and Master on this post?
      Just shut up, or go away. Stop wasting our time with your negativity.

      1. Seriously…3 years to respond to a comment. Still, glad you’re still reading, albeit *verrry* slowly.


  2. Sorry, Nilla, after this weekend, I can’t stand people like the above. However, I love just about everything except the tentacle sex-it’s just too cliche-ish for an old anime/hentai watcher like me. But the beauty of it is, if i wait a day, there’s something I like!

    1. 🙂

      Thanks Kinbaku…and that’s the thing…you (me, anyone) can’t please everyone all the time.

      And yanno…it’s free porn. 🙂 If you all like it, neat. If you all don’t? There are plenty of pay sites (and other free sites) available, too.

      Thanks for the support. It is very much appreciated.


  3. I love your ramblings. Sometimes i come here and i don’t comment, but sometimes i do. Just know that i’m reading 🙂
    and the socks OMG are SOOOO cute!

    good luck with getting your O! (is it tuesday yet? I’m looking at my clock and it’s 730pm on tues night for me in Asia.)

    1. Thanks Fondles!

      I wish I lived in Asia right now! Coz then I’d be just a few hours from my O!

      Master said last night that I’d have all day to think about my o and wasn’t that fun.


      jury is still out on that one.

      nilla (verrah needy)

      1. mwhahahahahaha!

        oh, wouldn’t that be neat? I could fly around the world looking for Tuesday!

        nilla, giggling

  4. Love your rambles, LOVE the socks!! And agree with Tip’s appreciation for the O warning.

    Robert Weisenburger – your comment kind of amuses me – really? What, you’re going to get a group of Doms together and go beat up ‘Nilla’s Master? Do you know ‘Nilla? Do you know her Master? How are you going to find him – drive around the USA yelling for him? Very Quixotic, i suppose.


    1. Hi sofia!

      aren’t the sox da bomb? And yes…if you feel the earth rumble tonight, t’will be me, having an very pent up orgasmic explosion!

      as for the rest… 🙂

      well said.


  5. I enjoy the rambling posts too. It is like getting the sampler platter at good restaurant- a bunch of little tasty bites.

  6. Nilla, I hope my comments weren’t some of the negative ones you reffered to, but thinking back I’m afraid they might be. For that please accept my sincerest apology.
    I have been on a very interesting sexual journey the past several years. I am consistently broadening my horizons and trying to have a very open mind about my discoveries in the world of sex. Until I started reading your blog my experience with your world was limited to ‘fifty shades’ and as we have noted before, that doesn’t come close to reality.
    My reactions are usually ones of shock at first, not distaste or disgust. I must learn to NOT comment until I have thought about what I have read or seen.
    I did have all those questions of why would you do that, allow that, who does that, etc. But your post explained it made me think about it. I ‘got’ it.
    It makes sense, it helped me make sense of my own desire to be marked, to be used, to bear those marks.
    I thought and have thought for years that I was not right in the head, a really bad person, perverted( which I am but am beginning to be ok with) or just messed up. But reading your writings and all the comments have helped me realize I’m not a horrible person and I’m not alone in my kinks( and that my kinks are actually pretty vanilla). 🙂
    So, I’ve rambled on and on, but I want to tell you thank you for helping me on this journey, I love everything you write, I hope it’s ok if I continue to be a commenting fan, and I will make sure to really think about my comments in the future.

    Oh, I do hope you get your O’s tonight.

    1. I totally forgot to mention the socks. I love them! I want a pair! Husband would shake his head every time I wore them and I would giggle just knowing I had them on. 😉
      They are so cool!


    2. No.

      REALLY, no. It was not you, April, so stop fretting. I understand the difference between a tentative “oh my” and just someone making a judgement.

      I think your comments were carefully worded to let me know that you are very new to this and are finding your way.

      Gosh the first time I left an actual puddle in my computer chair? I went to bed and cried that night, afraid that I too was sick in the head. A cliche at best, internet porn addict.

      It took a long while for me to get that I was “okay but different”…nearly a year of reading before I commented, and longer until I actually started playing, closer to two years I guess. So…worry not.

      I know you were not judging me, nor Master…but expressing the same shock I felt the first time I read kaya’s blog (under his hand dot com) about her Master doing something “hard and extreme” to her.

      For the record, Master and I are way ‘less extreme” than they are, but they’ve been a full-time D/s couple for more than a dozen years…

      Please don’t spend another moment fretting, okay?

      And ask. Always feel free to ask me. If you want to not do it in open forum, you can always email me at…but open forum lets others chime in with their thoughts…either way, I’m fine with your reactions. They are real, honest, and more about you than me.


      1. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was worried.
        I had been thinking before that last post that this community that I literally stumbled into seemed very accepting. Very non-judgmental. I feel comfortable here. 🙂
        I will have to check my local wal-mart for those socks. Definitely.


      2. good, I was thinking that you were sitting there and fretting. No no no. No fretting allowed. 🙂


      3. oh YAY!

        I wore mine to work yesterday just so I could smile when I was doing boring stuff… 🙂


  7. Oh, yes… about the rambles… Being a person with ADD (distractable), your rambles are a lot like the way I think (which I have nicknamed “pinball style”,) especially when I haven’t had my Strattera in a while. maybe that’s why it took me so long to realize what you were talking about-I just thought you were talking like me.

    1. Pinball style is so evocative of how my brain works! I’ve long accepted how it zings around…its just an endemic part of who I am…


  8. I probably need to whisper this but…
    I like the rambles best, even.

    *tiptoes away before the devoted fic-followers turn on me…*

  9. I have been distracted and not reading recently.. I adore and lust after those socks.. thanks for telling where you got them.. might have to go look for some. Cause I do love that tentacle sex you write so well.. but then…. I’ve told you!
    HUGS to you.. and happy NO SNOW!

    1. 🙂

      Thanks Nancy…and I’ve been flat out busy and feeling so guilty about not responding promptly to comments. My apologies…and i hope you snag those sox!


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