i <3 you guys…

sitting here before bed reading comments…greengirl…you made me cry my eyes out…in a very good way.

thank you. thank you all of you. The ones with silent support and you more vocal ones.

seriously, you all …i can *feel* the caring and love from you…and your words filled my heart to overflowing (hence the deeply moved tears)…

going to bed with a much lighter spirit. bless you one and all (oh I can’t use that–been done)…okay how about…sending my love and caring back to you, redoubled. Yeah. That’ll work.

*muah*

(and hugs and fistbumps for you ‘untouchy feely” folks)

Love,

nilla

 

 

Comments, and Guilt

Let me get to the 2nd part of the title first. I woke up early, got started on my chores. I have a ton of things to do, after all. As a mom to 4, a homeschooler, and holder of multiple jobs, every moment is filled.

But I turned on the news while I ate.

An 8-year old lost his life minutes after hugging his dad as he crossed the finish line at the Marathon; he went back to the viewing area and the bomb exploded. His sister is gravely wounded, as is his mom.  I have an 8-year old, so this hit me right in the heart. Stole my breath, drew me to tears. And I…I was smacked upside the head with guilt. There I was, bossing my kids into their chores, and this family had been literally ripped apart.

And yet.

And yet.

Life must move forward. I can experience this grief, this loss, as a fellow human, cry for that family and the others who have been affected by this devastation. But –I need to push past my guilt at rushing to get my tasks done, right? I need to honor life by living mine.

Which includes chores.

It will also include praising my kids for their working so well together to accomplish a major task, hugging them, and sending prayers to the goddess that she hold them safely in her care.

But there is yet more guilt (is this where I should insert that infamous infomercial chant–“But wait! There’s MORE!”) to be had here today.

And frankly dear friends and pervie readers, it’s about you all.  I’m pretty behind on comments you have all left. Thank you, every single one of you, for the thoughts you’ve left on my last three posts…I’m glad you enjoyed “The Question” and “The Stranger”, and yesterday’s “The Good Outnumber You”….it touches me deeply when you take the time to write and tell me that my words made you feel.

That is the point of writing, after all, to evoke a response in the reader…and if you felt something -lust, joy, nervous- then I did my task well.

But I’m … *sigh*…I’m not going to write back to each of you this time. I’m feeling guilty about that, too. But it is one of the few things I can let go of today. So please accept this as my thanks for taking time to comment and make me smile.

Life does indeed move on-it must as it has through time-and death, however horrific, is part of that wheel. As one responder said to my earlier post, to some, this type of carnage is the ultimate goal. I don’t understand a philosophy that engenders hate to that level, but there is some truth to that. Yet I still believe that their wiring is faulty, that our ultimate purpose here is to learn to love. That is the essential purpose of the universe. You can pish-tosh me all you want on that, but really, in all religions in the world, is not love (of some sort) the key ingredient? All the rest is just window dressing.

Today I’m working towards releasing my guilt out to the stars, working on the things I need to do. Not retreating into a shell and hiding from the world, but going out today and consciously being kind to people. It’s something I’ve been working on a while now, it’s nilla’s “nice” project. Say thank you. Pat someone on the back. Be patient with those learning a new skill (I will never forget my fledgling attempts to conquer the computer at work…and how kind my customers were to me learning this huge new thing), and forgiving of their mistakes.

Yeah, I’m not perfect at it yet. I think that’s the point, don’t you? You keep playing the “game” until you don’t have any days left…and you leave the world just a bit better than you came into it.

*nilla bends over (stop right there you pervies!)…and picks up her soapbox and puts it away*

(I know what you all were thinking…after all, I likely put those ideas in your head in the first place. 🙂  )

Another day with no perv. But worry not…I’m even now working on a new little tail.

Er…tale.

Now, go on out and spread a smile to the world.