So there I was, writing my happy nilla post for Sunday. I did that on…Thursday? Friday? I forget. I could go back and check but it’s late, I’m tired so I’m not going to bother. If such details keep you awake at night, feel free to look. ๐Ÿ™‚

So I waited a long time for a Thursday evening text from Master.

It never came.

I went to bed, understanding that the strange day up here in Boston had everyone feeling all confuddly. Many of us glued to our local tv stations, and it only got worse come Friday with the drama of the two men being found, one killed, one running, and eventually captured. It made for literally, 24+ hours of live tv and radio (they were playing the live tv news on sports radio on my way home from work on Friday night)…there was literally no getting away from it short of shutting everything off.

Yeah, I likes sports radio. So?

To back up a bit though, my pissyness started at work later Friday afternoon. I had a lot of stuff to do, and USUALLY I text Him when I have a chance–aaaand…this night I didn’t. And he didn’t text me. And I felt like…didn’t He even noticeย  that I’d been uber quiet? Did Heย missย me?ย And all I could think of was “that fucker. Can’t even text me more than 5 fucking words all day.”

Now, in fairness, I had NO idea about the showdown in Watertown after 5 p.m. I was already at work and sequestered from the world. I have my ipod music and that’s it. Zen.

So he’s glued to the tv watching the drama, no idea that I was getting pissier.

And pissier.

You know how it is when you start to play a drama scene in your head. In your mind, you write the text of the exchanges. You create your own vision of “could-a, should-a, would-a”…and all the responses. You imagine things that just aren’t happening. You can create your very own drama triangle ALL BY YOURSELF!

And I realized I was doing it and just fucking stopped. I was actually able to stop it. I sigh, and wrap up my work, and head out to my car.

But I was still exasperated.

I turn on the engine, the radio pops on….and then I hear the news…while the reporter is talking about what’s going on, he’s moved by police because he’s in danger of crossfire. Seconds later we hear POP POP POP….gunfire being exchanged.

(feel bad about that poor guys boat)

And I’m as riveted as everyone else. Running into the house from my car to turn on the news and see what the FUCK is going on.

And when it is resolved, cheering and jubilation.

And I go to bed.

And no text from Master.

I send my Goodnight Master as required.

Fucking required.

Woulda given HIM the cold shoulder, but I must comply. I am an obedient, if sullen slut.

He texts back something inane.

I text back something snarky.

He texts back His amusement of my snark.

We go back and forth for a bit over it.

Saturday I’m up before the birds, ready for my other job, text Master my obligatory “good morning”. That was it. Terse, much? ๐Ÿ™‚

Yeah, so?

After I’m at work I see His text come in. Something silly ย and I’m fighting myself to not be amused. And tell Him that. And say something else a bit…not snarky, but maybe snippy.

He laughs.

Texts me that I’m WAY more fun pissy.

He LOVES me being pissy. I’m not sure why. I think He hates when I get all mushy and lovey dovey. He still wants me to be submissive, but it’s okay to not be a fawning doormat.


After 3 years and I’m only just getting this? Hello, someone cue the cosmic clue by 4. Coz it just whacked me over the head!

After my day is done, I manage to get a wee bit of face time with Him. And I’m still a bit sassy. He laughs. We play. I kiss His cheek. I’ve mentioned His beard is white, right?

I was wearing intensely red lipstick, as I know He likes it.


It leaves a lovely hard-to-remove red lip stain on His beard.


He got my shoe off, jeezuz He’s so fucking tricky…and tickled my foot right there in starbucks, made the girl sitting behind us giggle too. We’re like frigging teenagers, I swear.

We only have about an hour, and then I must go. But it was good to have face time. Good to get my pissy pushed away. Good to leave my mark on Him.

He’s gonna have a hella-time washing my lips off His face.


25 thoughts on “Exasperated

  1. ROFLOL!!! Dayyyymn! It’s probably a good thing I don’t try things like that with Wolf. Would not be a safe thing… the beard and lipstick thing. Nope.

    Glad though that you had a good time and got rid of the pissy vibes.

  2. Perhaps there is a difference between being a fawning doormat and an adoring slave girl? I suppose it depends on the girl and if she only fawns for one.

    Sounds like a bad run of misses. Probably best just to let it go and start over.

      • oh, no, we do lovey dovey a bit too…he’s just not the sort who wants a lot of fawning. He likes a bit spicy and I’d …fallen out of the habit of being spicy. ๐Ÿ™‚

        We are (as HE would say) ALWAYS D/s…but…there are times it looks more vanilla (until, you know, he grabs a hunk of hair and pulls my head to his lap in Starbucks ๐Ÿ™‚


    • oh, truly it wasn’t that it was a “bad” thing…more of a wake up call to spice things up a bit. My life has been a bit boring of late, and I’m working through some vanilla stuff…and he got the brunt of my own ennui.

      We’re better now. I think the key here is to remember to never take any relationship for granted, as they all take “work”.

      Harder since we’re not 24/7; I’m more prone to compartmentalizing things, and putting things into their proper places. He’s not going to let me pigeon-hole us as a lovey-dovey couple fucking around on the side.



      • I know He loves me. He won’t say it precisely that way. But we know it. LIke a little secret we keep quiet about, but that kind of weaves through all we do. ๐Ÿ™‚


      • I understand completely. I have said those words to three men in my life, outside of my father and son. Well, there was that one guy who I told, “I love you…as my friend.” I don’t really count him.

      • Hi dreamer. You can count whomever you wish !! I’ll not tell. ๐Ÿ™‚

        I have this neat background on my puter. Might put it up here later. But it’s a quote from Anne Morrow Lindburg. “Love is the only thing that can be divided endlessly and still not diminish.”

        I LOVE that.(and I’ve always believed it to be so)


  3. Ha – i love the lipstick on the beard thing!!

    Interesting that he enjoys it when you’re pissy – and sometimes he’ll work really hard to get you there, won’t hie? i wonder what would happen if you went there quicker… Not that i’m suggesting that – it would just be interesting to me… ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Welllll…I’ll admit to being a bit sappy of late… it was a wake up call for me to spice it up a bit. A guy just doesn’t want a steady diet of “I love you, Master”…. ๐Ÿ™‚


      • oh, no offense taken!!

        But I *know* i’d gotten a bit blah blah blah with Him…I was letting the D/s get buried under too much of MY vanilla stress…and he …well, kinda shook me out of it. I used to be piquant…and now?

        haha ha ha…

        I’m b-aaaa-ck…


  4. oh, yeah.
    “Theater in the Head” gets me Every Time.
    My favorite part is how long I can stay pissed at him for things he never said in the first place.
    (do I hear an “Amen!”? … Anyone?… Bueller? Bueller?)

    • *waves hands in the air*
      A M E N!!!


      LOVE the Theater in the Head! I used to be terrible about it, when I was younger…but I’ve gotten better these days…yet every once in a while, the curtain parts and there I am on center stage (what a great metaphor jz!)


  5. LOL. This is such a cute snapshot of your relationship. Last night we were discussing a friend and her new Dom, and his punishments of her for failure to properly address him, or for being sassy or sarcastic. I said playfully “I never get punished for any of that stuff; that must be why I’m so naughty”. And he said, “You never get punished for that because I like obnoxious bitches”.

    • *THAT* made me laugh out loud. I think I LOVE your Sir. LOL…omg that’s priceless!!!

      nilla, still snikkering…er…laughing….

  6. I love your posts nilla- Seriously – they make me smile!! and I triple what JZ says. “Theater in Head” is a perfect way to capture it.

    Sports Radio- It’s all I listen to and ESPN and local sports are my TV favorites.

    Such a tomboy I really am!


    • Yay! I’m mostly a football girl, but I do enjoy listening to the guys on sports radio and I’ve learned a TON.

      We’re all going to thank jz for that image, I think. I’ve never heard it described so well before! And thanks for the sweet compliment, faithful. I’m glad you get a smile reading here. At the very least I’m a good distraction!


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