Flitting Through nilla’s Head…

omg.

I just started the most boring blog post EVER. Really. Thank goodness for delete keys. :)…and I’ll say that I’m not all that sure this one will be better! *laughs*

Truth to tell? I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I don’t have the post I was going to publish as it hasn’t been approved by Master yet. I don’t have time to write a sexy story today, and I don’t have one in my head quite yet. (hard to write sexy naughties, when your 6-year-old daughter is growling and pouting and generally being a tiny ass-ache.)

As I was puttering around the house this morning I was thinking about Master and I getting together this weekend. Sunday, actually. And I’m so needy. And a bit nervous. And if I think too much about it, I get all wet and horny.

Yes.

Wet.

And horny.

And you know what? I’m on lockdown as far as O’s go from here on out (that’s my best guess…you KNOW I’m not going to ask HIM that question.)…unless I can squeeze one more out of Him, perhaps tonight or Friday. But one never knows with a devious Master, so there is some trepidation in asking.

He could give me a partial O—that is –play with myself until I’m all juiced up and ready to pop…and then I have to stop.

I hate those.

Love the control, but hate the doing. Then I’m all horny to the nth degree. (That’s algebra talk for a lot. 🙂 *laughs* )

Where was I going with that? (see? see what my brain is doing? confuddled and confused.) Oh, right, lockdown, and neediness. It’s my biggest conundrum…ask for an O and have Him remember that He likes to torment me the few days before we meet? Or don’t ask for an O and suffer in need anyway? See? It’s a –my mind blanks as I try to find a good metaphor…a see saw…and both ends are mired in quicksand! (He’s gonna get me either way.)

Gods it seems like everyone is in such a funk. I am, friends are…I wonder if it’s the season, or the aftermath of living after a traumatic event? I’m not happy, nor sad, just kinda stuck in neutral. NOT that neutral is a bad place, not at all.

Holding the tension. That’s what aisha used to call it…that delicate balance between too much and not enough. Okay, which of us sluts EVER get “enough” right? But you all know what I mean. I’m not close enough to Sunday to be too worried or excited, but not so far away that I’m not feeling anything (coz just ask my pussy…she is *feelin’*…!!)

I have potential for stories but time is so fluid of late. My 9-year-old just said this morning “Can you believe it Mom, April is almost over?” Time is just blowing past at an alarming rate. Soon I’ll brave the allergies and go outside and putter in my garden for a bit. (with a box of tissues at my side!) That always helps to clear the clutter in my mind.

Well, that and a good spanking. 🙂

I’ll be back tomorrow…it is Titty Thursday after all, and hopefully time to let my mind rest and get back to some really good smut.

Happy Hump Day!

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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8 Responses to Flitting Through nilla’s Head…

  1. Nilla said:
    “It’s my biggest conundrum…ask for an O and have Him remember that He likes to torment me the few days before we meet? Or don’t ask for an O and suffer in need anyway?”

    The way I see it? It’s the choice between (A) suffering in silence and (B) letting your Master participate in and enjoy your suffering. As a Master myself, I’d vote for B. You know you’ll feel better letting your Master have the pleasure of tormenting you. Isn’t that better than feeling bad over denying him that pleasure (not to mention the vicarious pleasure we’ll get from hearing alllllllll about it!)

    Gardener

  2. nancy says:

    Have to laugh .. don’t you remember the full moon is tomorrow? I’ve been off kilter all week pouty and cranky and all sorts of needy… no reason but that~
    So.. run with that excuse.. or whatever works~~ HUGS~

    • vanillamom says:

      yes! I forgot the full moon! (I’m out of sync. I need to get back into some active work with my pagan roots. sheesh. Missing a full moon? Inexcusable!! 🙂 )

      but that explains SO MUCH of this week. Productive in getting some things done (laundry…have been upber productive, and gotten 12 loads of wash done in 3 days. like. yay.

      🙂

      but the energy and creative stuff? on hiatus. Suddenly Its flowing back…damned moon energy!

      nilla

  3. Wordwytch says:

    Nilla, the phrase is Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t. I’m with Gardner though. Ask!

    WW, who will be really glad when the weather settles down and stops going from Snow to Sun every other day.

    • vanillamom says:

      Yes! to both.

      it almost hit 80 here today. SUPER hot for us, since it didn’t even break 40 yesterday…that’s almost double..hey I think it was exactly double, yesterdays temp. so fucking weird.

      nilla

  4. April says:

    Hmm.. Full moon, that explains some things. I’ve been feeling off too. It’s strange.
    Wordwytch I’m with you regarding the weather, this back and forth stuff is getting to me.

    I also agree with Gardener. From all that you write it sounds like you would both enjoy it so much more if he was ‘in’ on your misery.
    But I have to say, a half O, that is just deliciously mean. Mmm. I might have to introduce that idea to Husband. Wonder what he would do with it? 🙂
    April

    • vanillamom says:

      Yes, the full fucking moon! I had forgotten about it, actually. I’m SO out of touch with my faith these days. I used to know all th emoon cycles and sabbats. *shakes head* Just read a quote today. “Meditation should be done at least 30 minutes a day, unless you are very busy–then you should do it for an hour.”

      🙂

      nilla

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