Didn’t

So, get your cuppa (coffee, tea, confection of juice blenders, whatever), and let’s chat a bit, eh? I’m leanin’ on you today. Today was gonna be the day, you know? Lotsa fucking around, being beaten, kissing and being with my Master.

But.

You know, I’ve been down this road before. Usually it’s fucking mother nature (sorry mother nature–but you know you’ve been a bitch to me sometimes) who dumps 20 inches of snow, or throws up a hurricane to bollux plans.

This time, it was Master’s family. His kids are grown, and he is unattached…except for this one persistent slut who keeps hanging around him (yes, me!).  But his daughter had surgery this week unbeknownst to him. She needs her daddy to be there for her this weekend, as she is still very much recovering; much sleeping, no lifting of things etcetera–all the things that happen post-surgery. She can’t be alone, and everyone in the extended family (mom, brother, friend) have helped out–and Dad got the weekend.

It is what it fucking is, right?

*takes a deep drink of tea*

So.

Here I am, with an open runaway day and no Master to play with. He told me as soon as he knew this might be a possibility, the day of her surgery (he found out when his son let it be known that she was having a hard time coming out of the anesthesia which freaked him out, understandably enough), and since then he’s been trying to get updates as to when his “tour of duty” would occur. He did let them know he’d had plans, but we both agree that our families must come first.

*sigh*

So–I’m miserable company today.  Be glad you’re not sitting beside me right now. 🙂 I’d alternate between telling you how His eyes sparkle when He’s fucking with me, and how fucking annoying He can be sometimes.

And I’d likely moan a little more than a wee bit, about not having had a playday in a while and yanno, it’s gonna be fuckin’ forever before we get another chance for one; unless He is free on Memorial Day weekend at some point, it’ll be mid-June. And it’s not even HIS fault–my family obligations peak in May. If I recall correctly, HE has obligations on that holiday weekend, so really I think it will be 7 weeks before another play time can be attempted.

Dammit!!

We did get a tiny bit of face time Saturday night after work. It wasn’t a long time, less than 30 minutes, but gosh His eyes DO gleam and sparkle when He fucks with me.

And despite being –okay–annoyed with the upset in our plans (not AT Him, just at circumstances) I remember, when I see Him.

I remember His magnetism.

He is charming. He is mean. He is devilish. He is SUCH  a Dom.  He’s sexy, and He lights me up. There’s just this energy between us that is palpable. He tickles me and sneak-pinches me, so that I have a quarter-sized bruise on my arm. He pours a little bit of His magical elixir into me– pain and love and giggles- and it goes into the empty place where I was lonely and annoyed and needy. It’s a bandaid, but you know what happens under a bandaid, right?

You heal.

I heal.

And after the keen-edge of disappointment is blunted, I’ll go on through my busy May, happily (lustily, needily)looking forward to June and being with the one who hurts me so fine.

Thanks for coming by and having tea with me. I feel better having talked this all out with you.  I’m going to go off and have a hike, the weather is fine, and heading towards wonderful. You enjoy your Sunday, too.

***HUG***

nilla

About vanillamom

For over 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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33 Responses to Didn’t

  1. Jz says:

    It’s one of those dual-edged swords.
    You love them for being caring and responsible.
    You want to throttle them that more of that can’t be thrown your way.
    (Cuz, you know, they have so many more hours in their day than you do…)

    I would happily sit with you today.
    Actually, I’d probably make you come help me dig my garden, since I can’t get the flippin’ motorized equipment to work.
    But you could sigh and moan and stab things with a pitchfork!
    😀

  2. dancingbarez says:

    Sorry Nilla, that really sucks. Family obligations really do put a damper on things sometimes. Hoping Masters daughter gets better soon and that maybe somehow you two will find some magical time together.

    • vanillamom says:

      that would be awesome. We might snag a wee bit of face time now and again, but May is SO busy for both of us. This too shall pass…and once we went nearly 4 months without play time (way back in the beginning days of “us”…) so I’ll get through it. Thanks for the support!

      nilla

  3. abby says:

    I happen to be having a cup of tea right now. And I can realllllly feel your angst, your need. Only i am the one who had surgery, and yes i have seen and talked to Master….but it has been 3 weeks since a play time, and since I never seem to do thing the easy way, more surgery as soon as I recover! Looks like we might be on the same time table. i am counting on your stories to keep me sane!
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      Then I shall write, thinking of you, abby. You’ve been through the proverbial (or not so proverbial) wringer. I think of you from time to time and hope you are continuing to heal, and that you and your Master also get some time together. Hugs and healing whammies,

      nilla

  4. nancy says:

    What a rotten thing .. you can’t be angry cause he is doing the right thing.. but you sure have every right to be SO disappointed! Sir had surgery 8 weeks ago.. put a crimp into our time.. and he may have to go again..another dreaded bunch of downtime. And just as we’re looking forward to Summer and less busy schedules. It seems to always be SOMETHING.
    The good thing.. when you finally DO get time with your M, you’ll be joyous and happy.
    Hugs to you ..

    • vanillamom says:

      that is it *exactly* I can’t be angry coz ….well, he’s doing the right thing. And doing what I would if the circumstances were reversed. But gosh I was soooo disappointed on Sunday. OTOH…I DID get to practice some “lazy” skillz and my family *let* me…which was nice. 🙂

      thanks for the support…much appreciated1

      nilla

  5. SouthernSir says:

    So sorry you weren’t able to get some face time with Master today. I do hope all is well with his daughter.
    Always a pleasure to sit and have a cup of coffee/tea with you nilla.

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks for pulling up to the table, S.Sir! His daughter is doing well, a week after her surgery, but still not quite ready to be fully independent again. (no driving for another week)…but she’s steadily improving.

      nilla

  6. sofia says:

    i’m so sorry that opportunity fell through… i can feel your disappointment from here. Hope your day is full of unexpected pleasures…

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks sofia…it was a blow and not the good kind…but I got through it. Now life is back to normal…busy and full…and eventually we’ll get our time.

      as they say..shit happens. I just needed to find a shovel to work my way through it!

      nilla

  7. sirqsmlb says:

    Oh you are so right on that duality! Grateful he is the man he is, so fucking pissed that life dealt you that blow! Fucking unfair. I’m glad you got a bit of facetime…maybe y’all can find more small FaceTime opportunities than normal … Help with connection between now and June (UGH).

    Wish I was nearby to have coffee with you and listen.

    Love to you nilla,
    Fiona

    • vanillamom says:

      ah but you did listen, and I thank you for it! We’ll eke out days between then and now, to be sure. It’s harder for us to “face time” in the summer, but somehow we manage to get some.
      ha – just re-read that…not that I’m getting ANY….lol…but some *face* time is always appreciated!

      nilla, giggling

  8. Wordwytch says:

    First of all, Hugs for you and your Master. Healing thoughts for his daughter.

    Next. It must be the season. Our wonderful flip-flop weather nails Wolf. Makes him hurt so bad that nothing happens. So, our playtime has rather mirrored yours. Weeks of nothing only to be punctuated with moments of utter bliss. And dear heartsister twin… we were suppose to have playtime today. However, between pain of old injuries and a paper he has to write, we might get playtime in the next 2-3 days. Sigh…

    Life, sometimes she is the bitch, as Wolf says when he’s tired and the Metis rolls off his tongue.

    • vanillamom says:

      nodding…we need to learn to roll with it…as it is said “life is what happens when you’re making other plans”….and sometimes it just isn’t “fair”…so we suck it up and move on or we sit and mire in the misery. I-? I had a good day. 🙂 (imo, life is too short to mire.)

      nilla

    • vanillamom says:

      Thanks andi…i think that’s part of what kept me sane Sunday—being “lazy” –i could feel all the kind wishes and caring from everyone. Thank –because it means so very much!

      nill

  9. faithful says:

    Feeling your pain – but you wouldn’t love him the way you do if he didn’t put his kids first.

    Hoping you had a productive day and that the beautiful weather in the Northeast helped ease some of your discomfort of not seeing your Master.

    Who knows- maybe your Celtics will beat my Knicks today to help bring you some joy too!

    ~faithful

    • vanillamom says:

      Hi faithful! you nailed it…i wouldn’t care for Him a bit if he put me before his kids. He just isn’t that kind of guy. He won’t let me see it often, but he has a deep and squishy soft spot in his heart. Did the C’s beat the Knicks? I can’t recall and I’m not a b-ball fan (way more of a football fan and I’ll gladly cheer my Pat’s on to whomp your Jets!)

      nilla

  10. Aww hun I am so sorry your date had to be cancelled, but I do understand why. I hope his daughter is healing up nicely and perhaps you can get play time next month, maybe the calendar will clear and you both find some time for one another

    • vanillamom says:

      ah that would be so nice…if it could happen. Cain’t, as it happens, coz my calendar is full of work obligaitons (Mothers day and retail are not conducive to much free time!) as is his. C’est La vie…and I’m in a better headspace about it now. Thanks so much angel, for your caring words! means a lot to this girl.

      nilla

  11. April says:

    Nilla, I feel for you. I hope all works out for you soon. Sending a hug your way.
    April

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks april….at least we had a weeee bit of face time and the prospect of a bit more this weekend. Sneaky guy gave me a lovely little bruise on my arm…I’ve been wearing it all weekend with a smile each time I see it. 🙂 yeah, I’m a masochist and I love my bruises!

      hugs,

      nilla

  12. sinister ali says:

    sipping a dr. pepper. it sucks when your so busy thers almost no face time. me and my master work opposite shifts and usually when i return i walk the dog, shower and sleep. i know what its like to go without playtime. master is a tease too. waking before he leaves or his coming before i work when we dont have time for me to come. thats definately worse than nothing at all. but we never go weeks without. usually not more than a week. hope you get some play in soon.

    • vanillamom says:

      Hi ali…why are you sinister? I love the way it rolls off the tongue! Welcome to my blog, and thanks for taking time to comment…and for the kind words of support and caring. It means a lot to me, and hope you enjoyed your Dr. Pepper (i’m not much of a soda girl these days…my kids were all “whaaaaat?” when I had a coke on my way home from Beantown last night…but i needed the caffeine fix. ugh. soda. 🙂

      nilla

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