It All Comes Down to Tits… HNT 5/2/13

Master is, above all else, a tit Man. This pleases me, at this point in my life. Pleases me too that He “makes me” post a half-nekkid (or let us be honest, often FULLY nekkid) tittty pic every Thursday for your viewing/masturbating/titillation/pleasure/whatever you look at them for! It gives me a wee bit of kinky pleasure to imagine you all looking at me. Weird, coz I’ve always been shy about showing cleavage….until Master.

And you all likely don’t know this about me (despite all that I spew out here!)….I used to HATE my tits.

Oh, no. That’s far too mild a term.

Loathe.

Despise.

Those are better.

I developed tits verrrrrry early. All the other girls in school were flat…and I had bumps, which quickly surpassed my mom’s modest B-cup. By High School I was a C-cup and then squished into a D. Unfettered, my tits hung to my waist. I wasn’t overweight or maybe just 5 pounds, no more. But I had GINORMOUS tits, the only one in my family.

I was teased, mercilessly, about them at family gatherings. I was groped by boyfriends, and eyed in school. I was molested, I was oogled….my breasts were the source of all things “bad” to me.

In my 20’s I had a reduction mammoplasty–a breast reduction. They went from a size what-the-fuck to a full B-C  cup.

Over the years, growing fat, then thin, then fat, then thin (see a cycle here?) they got bigger until I’m now a solid D…

But now?

My breasts are something I like. I’ve made friends with them. I like the look in Master’s eyes when He oogles me.  I love the feeling of His hands on my tits, squeezing, slapping, pinching. And the indescribable pleasure and pain of His mouth on them, sucking, biting, licking. I even adore the silly comments He sends when I sext Him some boobage while He’s at work. (like the one today where I was pinching my nipple and He replies “nice nails”…LOL…as if my Tit Man was really looking at my fake fingernails, right?)

I have a friend who had a mastectomy as part of her recovery from breast cancer. She’s young, 30’s.  She has survived breast cancer, and has opted to do reconstruction at some later period in her recovery. She is learning to love herself with just one breast.

I’m reminded of the picture I first saw on facebook that sin posted on her blog here…it to me is the very picture of self-acceptance…in as much as this unknown woman needed to tattoo her mastectomy scars, to rebuild her sense of acceptance, so too do I post *my* pictures here. (and you thought I was just an exhibitionist!)

It makes me happy to finally be at this place of self-awareness. I’m short, I’m round, I have big tits (though not as big nor as “full” as they were back in the day-gravity is the enemy! Well, unless we discount not sailing off into the vacuum of space. Okay gravity isn’t exactly the *enemy* but certainly NOT a BFF!) and I’m okay with aalllll of who I am.

Snapshot_20130426_3I think it was Master’s fascination with my tits that helped me finally, finally find peace within myself. So for Master and your edification, nilla’s boobage of the week. 🙂

About vanillamom

For over 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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16 Responses to It All Comes Down to Tits… HNT 5/2/13

  1. I’m happy to hear you’ve found peace with your body, Nilla.

    • vanillamom says:

      well…I’m considering that it’s an ongoing work in progress…these sort of things aren’t always fully resolved. I wish my ass was smaller or my belly flatter…sure I do…but I’m also okay with how I am too. It’s a strange dichotomy…I could be better but…i’m okay.

      weird. I know!

      nilla

  2. katherine tigger_sub says:

    Your piece really made me rethink my “grass is always greener on the other side” attitude. i have not always appreciated my breasts for the entirely opposite reason, and for all the negativity that comes along with that… but i realise that really, society (sweeping generalisation but you get what i mean) can make all women feel negative towards their body unless they fit a very narrow definition of beautiful (reminds me of a sad anonymous post on mollysdailyskiss i think) and our power not to let this happen is in our self acceptance and self confidence. but most of us need allies in building and maintaining these. And i really appreciate your self confidence… and your breasts 😉

    • vanillamom says:

      I do get what you mean–and thanks for chiming into the discussion.

      The bottom line for most of us, I think, is that none of us are totally happy with ourselves. Im not sure if that’s media, society, parents (my wife was the “smart” kid, her sister “the pretty one” according to their mom all their growing up years) …add to that all the “self-improvement” books out there?

      Sure there are things we all could improve…but learning to have self acceptance as far as our bodies go? That’s a powerful lesson to learn.

      nilla

  3. Jz says:

    God love you.
    I’m still waiting for that particular shoe to drop.
    I accept, but I don’t love.

    • vanillamom says:

      Acceptance is the first step on the journey to love.

      🙂

      You, jz, are the only one of you there is…and I wouldn’t change a thing about you–your look your sharp observations, your knife-edge wit? All combine to make you the unique and irreplaceable person that you are.

      nilla

  4. sofia says:

    i love this story, ‘nilla. It’s unfortunate the ways society tortures us based on physical attributes, but i’m so glad you can feel this way now.

    • vanillamom says:

      thank you sofia…it took me a long, long time. And a lot of it wasn’t “conscious” work…I’m not sure, entirely, how I got here…other than Master, really.

      I guess I can be that woman on those weird tv shows like Maury …. “Porn Healed Me”

      lol…

      nilla

  5. sirqsmlb says:

    Just one more way that your Master and you fulfill eachother. I am so happy that you have made friends with your breasts. It rediculous how difficult it can be to be a different size. Our society is so strange. We hail bigger and brighter and larger and extremes of all different kinds, BUT – frequently mock the non-average. HRMPF.

    Love the pic!!
    Fiona

    • vanillamom says:

      yes. exactly that. add to that, my boobs don’t “match”–something that many of us struggle with, I think. my left tit is significantly larger than my right which is apparent in full frontal shots. 🙂

      it is what it is and my Master is happy with me as I am, which helps, doesn’t it?

      nilla

  6. Bill says:

    That part of it is what it is needs to be magnified for the nation, We spend to much time looking for the ideal when the best is right in front of us. Keep working on it, you are the best of the best in your shin, nobody else should have a say!

  7. sinister ali says:

    iv been threw everything you’ve been threw becuase i have 32dd boobs. everyone loves them but me, i want a reduction but Master Rick says no. i almost never show cleavege. Master J had to talk me into buying something i liked that did. so i wore it and didnt die. lol. this blog speaks to me on many levels!

  8. April says:

    Awe Nilla. I’ve been a DD since I was 16. I loved my breasts at the time, had a perfect hourglass figure, think Marylyn Monroe,except a bit shorter and brown hair.
    Then…..
    I had a baby and chose to breast feed. I loved my breasts while I breast fed, not the size, which exploded with pregnancy, but just the whole experience.
    And then…
    My son was weaned and I have ‘ who knows what size’ breasts. Everyday I fight to try to appreciate them. I fight to not loathe them.
    I started reading your blog, Nilla, and others from your blog roll, I have seen pictures of breasts. Not porn breasts, that stay put no matter what position they are in, but real live normal breasts. I have to tell you, it has changed my body image a lot. Oh I have a long ways to go, but there is a definite improvement in my ‘relationship’ with my breasts. I still would like a reduction in the future, but at this point it’s more because of shoulder and back pain than just loathing of size.
    Thank you for HNT,I appreciate it in more ways than one.
    April

    • April says:

      I just wanted to add, I have uneven breasts too. One side is larger and at a different angle. And yeah I’m over a DD now, somewhere in the E’s or F’s.
      and, I show cleavage, as much as I can get away with, sometimes a bit more. 🙂
      April

  9. dryfly2005 says:

    Nilla, the bottom picture is a 10 no question. Of course I was going to say I want to be friends with your breast, but not today, I will save that for another time. Tip

  10. Wordwytch says:

    As always, I love your HNT breast pics. 🙂 Love too that you’ve been able to change your mind on how you feel about your breasts. 🙂 There were days I wasn’t happy with mine, especially as a nursing mom, but life changes.

    WW, the DD. 🙂

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