Cranky

It’s Tuesday as I write and…I’m feeling listless and moody. Part of it is my ankle–there is not much pain, and it’s not “bothering” me per se–but my body is definitely feeling it-back is kinda knotty and I’m so frigging tired all the time. That is really annoying!

I’ve had to give up some things for this summer and I haven’t seen Master in 2 weeks, and I’m just…cranky.

I’m not feeling sexy, like–at all. I fell and broke my ankle not my pussy. But not feeling the horny that is part of nilla normal.

And this is so much self-pity whining that I feel like just dumping this entire post-but I already dumped the first 300 words…hard to imagine that they were worse than this but they were.

If I was in agony? I could understand better or be kinder to myself. But I’m not in agony. I’m in a boot. I can walk. I can work. I can do most of what needs doing.

O.

M.

G.

It’s my perfection streak isn’t it?

Rearing it’s ugly little head–nilla can’t do everything she *wants* to do so it must be time to whine.

Oh shit I hope it’s not that. That’s so fucking shallow.

Some of my mood is–this maybe sounds weird, maybe–but a mini-grief? I have to give up my garden for the summer (my veggie plot) since it’s located in the middle of a field and the terrain is uneven, with lots of typical New England rocky soil. Perfect for re-breaking an ankle, which I wouldn’t be pleased about. So I let it go. *sad sigh* And my seedling tomato’s are coming along so nicely, too.

I was supposed to go to the BIG city, New York City, next month with a group–and now I can’t. We’re only there Sat/Sun–and there is NO way I can keep up walking for 11 hours with a group of vibrant teenagers.

Definitely learning my limits, but sad all the same. It kinda sucks that doing the right thing hurts–even more than the broken bone does.

I need time with Master—somehow He makes everything right again. A good beating, some wall time, orgasm overload–all the good stuff. Unfortunately, wearing stiletto’s isn’t in my immediate future, either, maybe not even when we have our scheduled play time in early June. I may still be needing to wear my incredibly ugly but definitely necessary black boot.

Enough whining! Seriously. This is depressing shit, isn’t it? Definitely not normal nilla. *sigh*

bootI’m too sexah for my boot? um. no. my boot suits my mood. I feel like a Sith warrior. blerg.

072212144521Although, truth to tell, it’s apparent that I’m not doing much walking in these stiletto’s….

(searching for this pic cheered me up. Let’s try that again!)

cropped-cropped-img00042-20110501-164611.jpg

And of course, my very first pair of shoes…unique, black n white, sexy. I always feel so sexy in these…

Okay, I’m feeling better. Nothing better than a bit of “shoe therapy” to help cheer a slut up!

Oh, and I was out at Michael’s last night, looking for someย jewelryย findings, and what did I spy? This:

cotoIt’s a pendant. I came “that” close to getting it, too. Didn’t coz I was trying to get home, and I wasn’t sure where I’d ever wear such a thing, but I did drool over it a little bit.

Well, I wasn’t sure that sitting here and moping about my little issues would make me feel better, but apparently it has. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for reading this far, if you have. I’m sure I’ll be ready to write more tomorrow. As for now? I need to go take a nap. Whining takes a lot of energy out of a gal.

 

 

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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26 Responses to Cranky

  1. Wordwytch says:

    First off, HUGS!
    Second… when you break a bone, marrow leaks into your bloodstream and it can make you cranky, upset, nasty, grumpy and/or depressed.
    Third… I hope you get some Master Time soon. Even if he hangs you by your boot and tickles you. Plus, look at it this way. Maybe, just MAYBE the Universe is trying to tell you to slow down and smell the roses. Yes, you don’t have a garden. Can you put those tomato plants in a corner of your yard? In containers? Think around this. I know you can. Most of all though, know you are loved and Take it Easy for a bit.

    • vanillamom says:

      That is the new plan. its so hard to shake out the “but i WANTED TO…” and get into the “but I need to..” mindset. Thanks for pointing out that some of my cranky is biology and not just me feeling snittish. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I’m better today. Now. All the whammies and love and stories of more injurious wounds from others. I dunno…but suddenly my mind is in a better place. That could be Williams comment, too. Which i am still laughing about. ๐Ÿ™‚

      HUGS right back..

      nilla

  2. charlotte says:

    Wordwytch what a lovely and inspiring comment. Nilla, I totally understand the cranky and bitter feelings. I fell the first part of March and tore my MCL. I have been toting around a leg brace for two months and looking at a possible surgery. This is my favorite time of year, and I love being outdoors doing outdoorsy stuff, but not this year, grrrrrrrr! And, to top it all off I just found out I need to have a tooth extracted and replaced with an implant. Suffice it to say: “I feel your pain.” I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope for your speedy recovery. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • vanillamom says:

      oh charlotte…that sucks. two months of leg brace AND surgery? Hell I need to shut the fuck up! My runner up favorite time of year…(Autumn wins)…and yes…so many things I’d planned to do. You know the saying “LIfe is what happens when you’re making other plans”…that made me so mad when I was thinking about it…but suddenly I’m …coping with it.

      And watching the weather channel this a.m? Al Roker is at a dairy farm and they’re getting the cows milked. oh myyyyy….

      nilla

  3. abby says:

    Hugs and good whammies your way, my friend. I can identify, I am so blasted tired of ‘recovering’…BLAH. On the bright side, i am sitting here on a sore, bruised bottom….
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      yes! YOU WIN! You have the roughest recovery of all…so I’m going to stop sulking. Amazingly enough, I am feeling MUCH better suddenly. ๐Ÿ™‚ The day is stunning…a war of sun and clouds, rain is imminent…and the light slanting through the leaves is glowing like precious emeralds. Suddenly I see the beauty and not feel the beast. ahhh…

      nilla

  4. Jz says:

    My very first scene ever took place with an ankle that had just been de-booted. Swollen, bruised, really ugly looking… BG sat down to give me the “here’s what to expect” talk, and almost absently started to gently rub my ankle.

    “I’m going to hurt you…” *stroke, stroke*
    “You’re allowed to…” *stroke, stroke*
    “I expect you to… *stroke, stroke*

    Gad. He had me before the explanation was done…
    You don’t need the shoes, sunshine. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • vanillamom says:

      wow…that made me all warm and tingly just thinking of it. You know, we have a ton of commonality. ๐Ÿ™‚ But you still get to keep the crown. ๐Ÿ™‚

      nilla

  5. sofia says:

    Hmmm, that’s a lot of loss to deal with. I would think that anyone would feel some sadness about losing their garden, a trip they’d been looking forward to, the ability to wear stilettos, and having to wear an ugly boot. I know I mourn the losses. Maybe if you let yourself do that, then you can move through that part of it and begin to find the silver linings. But don’t skip the grieving part.

    Just my two cents…

    hugs,

    sofia

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks sofia. I spent most of last night feeling *very* sorry for myself. I’m better this morning, and really? Will C. just snapped the bad mood in half. I’m *still* giggling about his comment.

      The good thing about insomnia is that it gives one a fair amount of time to indulge in ones shit mood…but only until one finally bores oneself into sleep. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. greengirl says:

    For supposedly being one who wants to, needs to, give up control – i hate, hate, hate having my plans thwarted. Giving over to the universe at large just sucks – inevitable and unavoidable or not. Our new home doesn’t allow for a real food garden, a loss i’m finally working around. I can imagine the frustration at knowing the plot is there, fallow. I do hope you are able to reconnect with your Master soon. – heels or no. And i admire the way you take all the rest in stride – recognizing the loss but also moving forward.

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks gg…

      Will C. has made me giggle and now my bad mood has totally evaporated. Damn Him! ๐Ÿ™‚

      I’m sorry your new home doesn’t come with a garden area…I saw a NEAT thing on …Pinterest? maybe…you know those wire shelves that you can hang over a door and put stuff into for a mini pantry? Someone lined one of those with that dry mossy stuff, then put in soil and grew lettuces, greens and herbs in one on their deck. It was WICKED awesome…maybe you have a wee bit of space for some vertical gardening? I’m reexamining my space for same.

      Hug, and thanks…

      nilla

  7. willcrimson says:

    You mean they don’t make boots with high heels? No wonder you’re in a state. But the problem with self-pity as that the audience just eggs you on.

    I’ve got another tentacle story in the works. =) After this one, I think I’ll throw them into a little e-book. And get rich. Either that or I’ll be sued by the ACLU. The Association for Cephalapods, Lituitida and Uctopi. (Octopi can’t spell.)

    Cheer up. If you must cury pity, a better strategy is to make others feel sorry for you. Wring it for all its worth. Even better, lie. If anyone asks you how it happened, tell them about your narrow escape from an evil Japanese businessman living in Brazil while you were investigating sex slavery and the underground importation of candied cherries for an albino museum curator with a taste for redheads from Boston and Lituitida bred with a curiously phallic shell.

    You can elaborate from there. I know you can. Your next story title: How I Broke my Ankle.

    • vanillamom says:

      *giggling*

      how can one fully indulge in a fit of self pity with YOU around? *shakes head* gawd, William, you have managed to ruin a perfectly good bad mood with this comment, inciting a riot of giggles.

      *pouts*

      *giggles*

      nilla

    • vanillamom says:

      BTW….

      Yippee for another Tentacles story…a Mother’s Day gift. ๐Ÿ™‚

      (no pressure ๐Ÿ™‚ )
      nilla

  8. Dear Nilla, I read this earlier before Will commented but was busy with other things, and was unable to chime in. Now I see you are much better ( I giggled at the comment from Will too).
    I think I shall just second what everyone else said (including Will) and leave it at that.
    I am wondering however, what lovely, delicious, kinky ideas you might come up with for a sub with a temporary bum leg. Hmmmm…..
    ๐Ÿ™‚
    Rose

    • vanillamom says:

      Wow, who knew that Will would be such an inspiration? I have one “in the can” after a flurry of writing, and another idea in my head that I hope to get down soon.

      Thanks for the caring…I really am feeling better…I guess I just needed to wallow a bit. But I’m done now. ๐Ÿ™‚

      nilla

  9. dryfly2005 says:

    Sorry to hear about your ankle, but I was just thinking about how much time you could spend at the farm, since you can’t walk anywhere while you are hooked up, and a little pressure does help the bones repair quicker. You need to go back and get the pendant your chest is the perfect place for it to be displayed, plus it will make you smile when you wear it. Tip

    • vanillamom says:

      :0

      awww Tip…that’s a lovely thing to say. I think I might just go back and see if they have it there. If they do, it was meant to be. ๐Ÿ™‚

      As to the udderly fascinating idea of being hooked up…(moan)…um…

      nilla

  10. nancy says:

    Oh how hard to have to give up the garden.. I so understand that!
    And not being able to wear the killer shoes.. well I get that too.
    But that little jewel at Michael’s.. hmm you know that was made for you, don’t you? I hope you can go back and get it one of these days.
    HUGS to your foot, slow down and smell the roses or whatever.. and I know you’ll be just fine.. I can just tell~!

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks nancy…i’m plotting (no pun intended!) a way to get some of my tomato plants into the ground here. (only have one 5X4 foot section that gets full light. I have a LOT of trees surrounding my yard!) And I do need to work on my house gardens…they’re kind of sad after multiple years of neglect. So…silver lining, right? I’m getting happier, truly. I won’t let a silly little bone define my summer. (take that, ankle!)

      nilla

  11. ytysreloaded says:

    Sending you whammies and bubbles and friendly pats on the bum!

    Don’t forget how important your energy is in the healing process. And how beneficial the energy of your loved ones can be. Who wants to mend broken bones with frustration as its glue?

    So tonight let all the happy energy we are sending you do double work!

    • vanillamom says:

      What a great thought “who wants to mend …with frustration as the glue”…

      made me smile, and go ‘hmmm”….and I’m better now. I think i needed to indulge in that wee fit of self=pity because everything has gone on as normal…I only missed the day of work on the day of my accident…got right back up and out on Friday, and it felt like everything was “normal” but for the boot. And my lost trip and garden. But I’ve worked at compensating for both, and feel much better.

      my glue is all positive and possibilities now. ๐Ÿ™‚

      thanks andi for grokking.

      HUG

      nilla

      • ytysreloaded says:

        I would be rolling out the red carpet for my own complaints if I lost both a trip and a garden. I so glad things are moving forward for you. Sending you much love my dear.

        A

  12. Slave Ali says:

    you have every right to pout! id pout too if it were my hobbies taking the fall. sending happy thoughts your way ๐Ÿ™‚

    • vanillamom says:

      Thanks Ali…

      it was just a wee bit of cranky, mixed up with some sad. It had to happen, to get over the hump, and then move on.

      The happy thoughts worked. I’m in a much better headspace now.

      Hug

      nilla

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