Yup, that’s nilla, to be sure.
I’m feeling surly. I’m just annoyed with several things in vanilla life and can’t express them *anywhere* so you all get the brunt of it this time. *shakes head* It is just so…annoying.
On top of not being able to vent anyplace, I was busy all damn day and didn’t have a single moment to write. I knew my a.m. would be full, but I figured that I’d set aside time in the afternoon and that never happened. So that makes me double frustrated. I’m in a need-t0-write mode, but as I sit and pound out my tale of grrr here, it’s 930 at night, I’m tired and cross and plan on going to bed soon, and pounding my pussy.
That may help some–I’ve been horny and *denied* for several days. I’m glad He has some control over me, because just now He’s not talking all that much. I know, I know, greedy fucking slut. But He’s busy and I’m….I’m just fucking needy.
This is my role, my life, my choice to be a slut. Okay–maybe part choice and part “really-who-I-am-inside”. And being owned is part of what I like about this gig. And not getting attention makes me needy.
I think He likes me needy but I don’t know because HE WON”T FUCKING TALK TO ME!!!
Dang I hate when He’s so fucking busy. Dang I hate being so fucking needy. Dang I am in SUCH a shitty mood.
I’m reminded of a thing I saw on facebook recently. A guy was doing “man on the street” style interviews with people. Asked them “do gay people choose to be gay or are they born that way.”
To the people who said they “chose to be that way”…he nods and says, “And at what age did you choose to be heterosexual…”
And that flummoxed people. “I–I didn’t choose. I was born this…oh. Yeah. I get it. Hmmmm….”
It was a great piece.
And for me it translates at a deeper level–when did you realize you were a slut nilla…
“I’ve always been this way…”
(But you used to be a good girl?)
I played the role. And I was naturally shy. And I wanted to please people. And I wanted to be tied up and fucked and used and made to cum, and suck cock. I wanted all of that, too. I fantasized about being tied up a ton as a girl.
I also fantasized about women, so I really am a born-bi-sexual. 🙂
On another stupid note.
When I take off my boot at night? My foot is so stinky. And my leg is all dented from the fuzzy sock I wear…it comes out looking like a dino leg. And I’m fretting because there is a very visible difference in calf size between my two legs now. The broken ankle leg is shrinking and at my age it is VERY hard to get muscle back. I’m in next to zero pain these days, not that it was ever very bad after the initial break happened. If I do too much it hurts some, but sometimes I *swear* I can feel the bone and tendons healing. It’s a strange thing. Go ahead and laugh – you’re allowed.
And I’m also grumpy because it was TOO FUCKING HUMID up here these last two days. The temp has fallen at last, and there’s a chill in the air, but wow, was it sticky and gross today. I don’t do humid at all well. It makes me…(you know I’m gonna say it again) ….grumpy!
So to recap. . .
I’m mad at the humidity.
I’m fretful about my leg/ankle/muscle.
I’m annoyed with Master for not taking my phone call NOR texting me.
I’m annoyed with TW, and my teen.
My bathtub drains slowly and my home remedy didn’t work.
And I haven’t had an orgasm in days.
At least I can rectify that last one. So I’m going off now, heh…going off to get off…funnah.
I’m going to take my crabby ass to bed, now that I’m done dumping on you all, and when I return on the morrow, I’ll be ready and willing AND with time at hand to sit and write and drain some of this biliousness from my spirit.