Whine, Bitch, Moan….

…and complain.

Yup, that’s nilla, to be sure.

I’m feeling surly. I’m just annoyed with several things in vanilla life and can’t express them *anywhere* so you all get the brunt of it this time. *shakes head* It is just so…annoying.

On top of not being able to vent anyplace, I was busy all damn day and didn’t have a single moment to write. I knew my a.m. would be full, but I figured that I’d set aside time in the afternoon and that never happened. So that makes me double frustrated. I’m in a need-t0-write mode, but as I sit and pound out my tale of grrr here, it’s 930 at night, I’m tired and cross and plan on going to bed soon, and pounding my pussy.

That may help some–I’ve been horny and *denied* for several days. I’m glad He has some control over me, because just now He’s not talking all that much. I know, I know, greedy fucking slut. But He’s busy and I’m….I’m just fucking needy.

So what?

This is my role, my life, my choice to be a slut. Okay–maybe part choice and part “really-who-I-am-inside”. And being owned is part of what I like about this gig. And not getting attention makes me needy.

I think He likes me needy but I don’t know because HE WON”T FUCKING TALK TO ME!!!

Dang I hate when He’s so fucking busy. Dang I hate being so fucking needy. Dang I am in SUCH a shitty mood.

I’m reminded of a thing I saw on facebook recently. A guy was doing “man on the street” style interviews with people. Asked them “do gay people choose to be gay or are they born that way.”

To the people who said they “chose to be that way”…he nods and says, “And at what age did you choose to be heterosexual…”

And that flummoxed people. “I–I didn’t choose. I was born this…oh. Yeah. I get it. Hmmmm….”

It was a great piece.

And for me it translates at a deeper level–when did you realize you were a slut nilla…

“I’ve always been this way…”

(But you used to be a good girl?)

I played the role. And I was naturally shy. And I wanted to please people.  And I wanted to be tied up and fucked and used and made to cum, and suck cock. I wanted all of that, too. I fantasized about being tied up a ton as a girl.

I also fantasized about women, so I really am a born-bi-sexual. 🙂

****************

On another stupid note.

When I take off my boot at night? My foot is so stinky. And my leg is all dented from the fuzzy sock I wear…it comes out looking like a dino leg. And I’m fretting because there is a very visible difference in calf size between my two legs now. The broken ankle leg is shrinking and at my age it is VERY hard to get muscle back.  I’m in next to zero pain these days, not that it was ever very bad after the initial break happened. If I do too much it hurts some, but sometimes I *swear* I can feel the bone and tendons healing. It’s a strange thing. Go ahead and laugh – you’re allowed.

And I’m also grumpy because it was TOO FUCKING HUMID up here these last two days. The temp has fallen at last, and there’s a chill in the air, but wow, was it sticky and gross today. I don’t do humid at all well. It makes me…(you know I’m gonna say it again) ….grumpy!

So to recap. . .

I’m mad at the humidity.

I’m fretful about my leg/ankle/muscle.

I’m annoyed with Master for not taking my phone call NOR texting me.

I’m annoyed with TW, and my teen.

My bathtub drains slowly and my home remedy didn’t work.

And I haven’t had an orgasm in days.

At least I can rectify that last one. So I’m going off now, heh…going off to get off…funnah.

I’m going to take my crabby ass to bed, now that I’m done dumping on you all, and when I return on the morrow, I’ll be ready and willing AND with time at hand to sit and write and drain some of this biliousness from my spirit.

‘nite…

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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23 Responses to Whine, Bitch, Moan….

  1. sirqsmlb says:

    CRAP, SHIT, DAMN, FUCK!!!

    Just empathizing/sympathizing with you dear nilla!

    Now, I would tell you to pull up your big girl panties…but in this case…
    PULL DOWN YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES and orgasm!
    It simply CAN NOT hurt!

    I hope tomorrow is a new day and things start to turn the corner!!

    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
    fiona

  2. Kinbaku Gardener says:

    Um, Nilla… Please don’t hold back. Tell us how you really feel… 😉
    Hope tomorrow’s better.

    Gardener

    • vanillamom says:

      🙂 I was a total cranky-ass. He got the spill-over emotions from my family. (And no, He wasn’t thrilled about that, either. )

      We’ve worked through it, and all is well again!

      nilla

  3. Kayla Lords says:

    I don’t “like” this because I like that you’re um, in a mood. More of a solidarity, preach on sista, kind of thing. 🙂

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks kayla…it was just one of those bumps in the road, a blip on the radar, now recovered from. Kinda, you know…real life.
      🙂
      Much appreciate the caring!

  4. Nilla, it seems that hot and humid makes everything worse. ( yeah it gets hot and humid on the plains once in awhile)
    Give yourself an O, have a good nights sleep, and hopefully things will look better tomorrow.
    Rose

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks rose…it was a shit day, and some days are like that. Things rarely stay stagnant for long, and the next day was better. (and today? Is freaking awesome. 🙂 )

  5. slave ali says:

    I’m sorry your having such a crappy day nilla. **hugs** just think about how tomorrow is a new day and count your blessings. My long distance owners, Master J and Miztress E sometimes go days without returning my emails or texts thanks to busy schedules. Hang in there I know its hard. I did get a chance to write a bit today on my blog and I’m hoping to write more tomorrow. Things will get better. Less grump and more Wonton. 😉

    • vanillamom says:

      I would go mad without some contact each day…we actually have a “promise” to contact each other, at a minimum, in the morning and the evening.

      Definitely the grump is over and things are back on an even keel. Thanks ali!

  6. Wordwytch says:

    Hugs dear! We are here whether you write smut or bitch. It’s been a weird week, and probably will get worse before it gets better. So, I hope the O’s help. I hope that your Master gets some time to respond to calls and texts.

    Your leg… When you aren’t in your cast, do isometric exercises!

    As for the born stuff…. You were born a slut, you’ve just been in de-Nilla. 🙂

    Love, WW!
    (one of the other born slutty and bi brats who had better get to bed before I piss off Wolf)
    ((had asthma issues and was told to go to bed EARLY))

    • vanillamom says:

      definitely take care of you. You don’t need a full-blown asthma attack–yuck. And scary.
      Each day has gotten better, and today is back to “normal” 🙂

  7. Jz says:

    I’m mad at the humidity, too.
    And annoyed at my unresponsive dom.
    “I don’t care how many seventy-million things you have on your plate, there should ALWAYS be room for Me!!”

    (There’s one of those, “let me know how that works out for you” statements…!)

    *bumpage*

    • vanillamom says:

      wahahahaha…yeah…um…I didn’t quite say that but …close. 🙂

      He did remonstrate me for taking out my “family grump” on Him, justifiably. But we’re better now. I’ll hold that thought in abeyance..one never knows when a great snarky comment should be utilized! 🙂

  8. abby says:

    OK….I get it., .you are having a really bad,terrible, horrible day…hugs! i hate humidity too, and it is so sticky here…..but the time you read this you will have had your O…hope it was huge..and that you are feeling better.
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      it was a great O… :O

      and it’s thundery and stormy here and I’m stinky from needing a shower (those danged Tstorms!) but still in a good mood! Thanks abby!

  9. ytysreloaded says:

    Returning bubbles to you my sweet friend. Lots and lots of them.

    As for your leg muscles, I have a feeling you will notice in very short time that they will once again be equal. While sometimes with age it is harder to regain, your calves have no choice but to be worked all day every day.

    I hope for you that your orgasm was earth shattering and your sleep was peaceful.

    A

    • vanillamom says:

      Master said the same thing about my leg. It was reassuring to me. :0

      thanks for the bubbles…I used *every* one!

      hug

  10. dryfly2005 says:

    I will trade you for your 70% humidity, for 1000 black flies any time. Hope things clear up very soon. Tip

    • Kinbaku Gardener says:

      DON’T DO IT, Nilla! Some things are just too wrong, even for a self-confessed pain slut!

      Gardener

    • vanillamom says:

      I’ve been to Maine in blackfly season (also the White Mtns)…oh no, my friend. I’ll take my humidity, thank you very much!

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