Tuesday Rambles

First, thanks for all the kind comments on yesterday’s story–you all know it was a story, right?

Okay, I’ll confess that parts of it were taken from real life. I really do have a very ugly scar on my belly, a result of an operation that gave me my life back. (metaphorically speaking) I really am self-conscious about it. He really did tell me I’m beautiful, and *made* me believe it, for the first time, ever in my life.

He gave me such confidence in myself. Now, not all of it came directly from him. Much of that is stuff that I worked through as a result of being with him, and discovering that there is a name for all the weird things I was fantasizing about. And that I’m not evil or gross or a bad person for having these types of fantasies, nor am I alone in them, either.

So the story was shaped from that life experience. Because, truthfully, if so many of you understand my kinks and I write about things that speak to your kinks, then there would be lots who would relate to this story, too. It was less about kink and more about healing and self-image. Kink, in many ways, doesn’t define who I am…not wholly, anyway. But by accepting that I *am* kinky, that I *am* normal (wait, is deviant normal? or am I a normal deviant. hmmm…no let’s table that for now, shall we?)….kink helped me become a better me.

I was thinking about just that as I was doing my job tonight (Monday). It’s mundane and I was zenning out on it, and I thought…gosh, I’m happy.

I’m happy with my life.

I’m happy with who I am.

I have a good life. There are parts that aren’t all that great, and other parts that are good, and still more that are fabulous…just like most of us, I suspect.

I have just about everything I need in my life. Okay, I need more kink…but who doesn’t right? And I’m not saying what I’d *like*…we all have desires, after all. What I’m saying is that I’m at that perfect place in my life where good and bad are in balance, I’m in harmony with myself, body, mind, spirit, and it’s good.

There is no “perfect life”.

We could all use more money. Well, maybe not the Gates. Or Mz. Winfrey. Or the Bushes. But you know I mean us guys, right?  Us day-to-day people.

But money is just trade value. There are other ways to measure success. For me? That is my happiness quotient. And right now? It’s really up there.

Maybe it’s because I’m going to see Master this weekend. Maybe it’s because the heat wave has broken. Maybe it’s because my garden is taking shape. Maybe maybe maybe….but you see? It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter what she thinks, or he says, or what I have or don’t have…all of that is just extraneous.

It comes from within my own head. I seek always to improve myself.

I am perfect as I am….right now.

And I’ll continue to grow, as a woman, a mom, a submissive, as a writer. And tomorrow I’ll be perfect too, even though it will be a different day, with different stressors and challenges.

Each day that I can get up and face the goals and obligations that await me, well, isn’t that a good day? I’ve stopped grousing about work, because…all told? I’m glad to have the jobs I have. I’m glad for the people I work with, and that I’m very accomplished at what I do.

Does this make me sound like a braggy bitch? Maybe. But yanno what? I’ve paid my dues. I’ve sweat, and cussed, and moaned and cried, and worked and failed…

and I’ll do those things again, likely, in some form or other.

But dang it!

I worked HARD to get here. I did it on my own merits. No one handed me anything and said here ya go nilla, have fun. So if I stop and have a moment of reflection, and realize that I’m happy and pleased with how things are going?

It’s allowed.

🙂

So let me put my soap box up for now, and put my tired old happy ass to bed. Enjoy YOUR day, and I hope you recognize that YOU are perfect as YOU are, today.  And you’ll be so tomorrow, too, though not the same, either. We grow and morph and step forward and fall back…all while being just the perfect us we can be at that moment in time.

Or in the immortal words of Bobby Ferrin…don’t worry…be happy!

Worry not my friends, my philosophizing is done for the day. Tomorrow we return to our regularly scheduled kink. 🙂 Promise!