MORE thoughts on “Perfection” -or- Happiness is NOT Found in a Self-Help Book

Some great comments yesterday which got me thinking (always a dangerous past-time!). I’m not sure what’s up with my brain, but obviously I’m thinking something through in the back burner of my mind. Guess you’ll have to bear with me as it works through me, because the kinky stuff has been pushed down until I think myself to the other side of this.

I guess yesterday’s post started because I’m happy, but became more about that endless, unceasing quest for being ‘more’, ‘better’, and the oft touted “improved”.  I don’t feel guilty for being happy, nor for not being perfect by society’s harsh standards. It’s stupid, because NO one is perfect.

Do we need improving? Sure, some of us could lose weight. Some of us could gain weight. Some of us could read more, or clean more, or less of both things.

And this isn’t to say that you should sit around on your sofa (or floor) like an amorphous lump just growing mold. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t learn new things, either. It’s more of an acknowledgement that we don’t need an exterior force telling us that we need to be “perfect”.

I don’t ever “strive for perfection”–it has long been my personal motto to alway be the best nilla that I can be…and tomorrow that may look different from today.

I don’t work for NASA. I don’t live in an environment where “failure is not an option”–and there are certainly times and places where we all need to push through, push harder, and just do it. Certainly where our Masters/Sirs/Tops/Dommes/Dominant tells us we need to be is important. But at the end of the day? Your self-worth has to come from within you, not from Her or Him. It can begin from them, but it really comes from you and your work.

He sets some standards for me that is true. “Take care of yourself.” “Eat well, not junk.” That’s pretty much it. Not tons of directions, because the fact is, He likes me as I am. Sure, He teases me *relentlessly* about the “kitties” (ie, the muffintop)…but it is partly a game, and partly a way He can torture me. (easy to get a grip on a spare tire, right?)  Sure, He’d be happy for me to lose 10 pounds. But He’s also happy with who I am. He accepts me as the perfectly imperfect slut who is insatiable and who sticks hearts on Him when He isn’t looking, who laughs at His jokes, and who can’t do math. (and who takes His marks like He’s drawing on my skin with markers, rather than His hands) I am perfectly imperfect, yet always growing and evolving.

TW and I were talking last night and I commented that she has way younger friends than I do and the kids consider her the ‘fun mom’ while I am the ‘boring’ mom. I do the house stuff. You know,  day-to-day living stuff, from laundry to sweeping, and discipline. I work most evenings, and every Saturday and occasional Sunday’s. My fun time with family is very small. And I was feeling a bit down about it, frankly. Who wants to be the “boring” mom?! She is a go-go-go always on the move hurry to the next thing where is it let’s go now and have FUN! kind of person. I’m slower. I like to stop and look at an ant crossing the sidewalk. I like to look at the shape and structure of a flower. I like to look at clouds. I stop to watch the dappling light dancing through the trees, and dust motes sailing through a sunbeam. I look at the small views of life, she looks at the bigger more splashy things.  (re-reading this? It sounds like I’m five…maybe I am. I am fascinated by the tiny microcosms of life.)

This doesn’t make either of us better. This doesn’t make either of us right or wrong. We just have our own paths. My role in my family is important. It’s important to me to not live in a grimy dirty house, that the laundry is done and the house tidy–it’s my vanilla kink, if you will!  I’ll never have “house beautiful” like in a magazine, but if you’re really “living” in a house? who does, right?

All this, these examples here…they all point to the same thing. Perfect IS attainable, because it is who we are just now. Just today. It’s not being unhappy because we don’t have an iPhone, or a Peace Rose, or a Lexus. Some of you do have those things. Doesn’t make either of us “better”…just makes us different. And if we can celebrate those differences from a place of inner peace, I think we can be happier people. At least, that’s how it’s working for me.

About vanillamom

For over 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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14 Responses to MORE thoughts on “Perfection” -or- Happiness is NOT Found in a Self-Help Book

  1. abby says:

    WOW.. agree, we need to be comfortable in our skin, with who we are…that does not mean we do not try to make improvements. If only more believed and felt what you expressed…
    hugs abby

  2. nancy says:

    Yes and yes and YES! We do have to be happy in our own skin and everyone’s happy is not the same. Of course I think it is human nature to want to be different than we are.. but relaxing and being happy for who we are is important! Good post ~!!

    • vanillamom says:

      nodding…sure, I LOVE being an odd duck. 🙂 It’s part of my groove. . . and yanno? I think writing this last little bit got my head out of my proverbial ass, and i’m ready to write me some juicy porn. 🙂

      nilla

  3. sirqsmlb says:

    Oh girl, you wax poetic!! SELF ACCEPTANCE…..that’s where it’s at. That is what we should strive for because in that lies peace.

    hugs,
    fiona

    BTW, I’m learning to accept being an amorphous lump just growing mold
    hehehehehehe
    GODS I LOVE YOUR WRITING!

    • vanillamom says:

      made me laugh out loud….and I was drinking tea and it *almost* came out my nose. If you’d managed to make me do that, you would have made my Master very proud. He tries to do that to me all the fucking time. 🙂 Soooo funny. You know, for an amorphous lump of mold.

      🙂

      nilla

  4. Perfectly Imperfect, I love that!
    Rose

  5. slave ali says:

    Your so right nilla happiness isn’t found in a self help book. I think its cute you stick hearts on your master when he’s not looking.

    • vanillamom says:

      He keeps every one, lines the edge of his laptop with them. He’s been asked on more than one occasion if he has grandkids who do that (put the hearts on his computer)…He just shakes his head and says no. (but he has said he has a 5 year old, which is what he calls me sometimes … 🙂

      nilla

  6. Wordwytch says:

    Ooooohm…. 🙂 And you know what the best part of our Sirs pushing…. it’s because they understand that WE want to change, and then they step in and help.

    And, they put us to bed when we’re sick… 🙂 Which is where I have to go in about 5 minutes. I hate asthma.

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