un-Kink-ed ?


i am a very tired girl these days. had a busy vanilla weekend, and virtually no Master time (like 2 or 3 texts, a 10 minute phone call).

I am feeling…very vanilla.

Very kink-less.

Kinked out?

It’s an odd feeling. Maybe once the tired is gone I’ll feel more like nilla again. But for today, at least, I’m feeling way more “vanilla” than any other kind of thing.


About vanillamom

For over 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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19 Responses to un-Kink-ed ?

  1. greengirliam says:

    Aww nilla, It’ll come roaring back when it can – when you have half a moment, and some sleep, and a glimmer of a chance of an opportunity. At least that’s how it works here. All parts of the whole……

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks gg. I like the thought of that…”roaring” back. Yes. I can live with that hope. I do need rest. A good sleep or three…and a chance to work in the garden, and time. Yeah. just to sit with a cuppa and look at the leaves dancing overhead. Make an appointment with my spirit. ๐Ÿ™‚

      thanks for the caring…

  2. Kayla Lords says:

    The vanilla feeling sucks…it always puts me off-kilter…hang in there. It will pass…eventually…

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks Kayla…i think part o fit was working 13 contiguous days…and on the 14th day, a family obligation that was every bit as draining a work day. Thanks for the caring!


  3. Donna says:

    I’m so sorry! Vanilla is fine for the non-kinky folks, but it’s similar to a sleepwalking state for those hardwired with a kinky brain and body.

    Maybe you should devote just a few minutes out of every hour to visualizing something really kinky. At the very least, it will make you smile, and it may restart your kink function button.


    • vanillamom says:

      yes…that’s it in a nutshell. I feel like I’m sleepwalking…like something very special and precious is missing (and of course, i t is. And it’s hard coz He and I have had very little time even for texting. so…suckage.

      I will try for a few times a day…as I said to WW, I am losing (or more accurately, using) huge chunks of hours…I’ll look at the clock and 2 hours or more will have passed since I last had time to glance at it. C’est la vie…and this too shall pass. Even just a few minutes a few times a day would be an improvement. Thanks for the caring, and the suggestion. ๐Ÿ™‚


  4. Wordwytch says:

    I agree! It’d like being numb, and even a little bit of pain can make you think about what you are missing. I like Donna’s solution. Maybe situationalizing the hourly kink moment… Like if you are sitting in a cafe, think of how the stuff on the table could be used. Or in a museum… dare you to pervert a display. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • vanillamom says:

      I am losing time in chunks of late…just brim full of …vanilla. Maybe I can manage a few times a day…but …well the crazy ends in two weeks. Or the worst of it does. And then a bit of normalcy returns. We’ll see how it all shakes out. ๐Ÿ™‚



  5. SouthernSir says:

    nilla un-kinked….say it ain’t so Joe!!! Just a lull, son you’ll be back to your old kinky, naughty self.

    • vanillamom says:

      it’s a lull. I hate it…but acceptance is part of the deal, i think. Thanks Southern Sir for the boost!


  6. I think life has a way of making us simply be spent in certain areas for a little bit of time. Like our brain cannot handle the onslaught of it all at once so it pushes aside one for another. It will come back.. I promise..

    • vanillamom says:

      Thanks angel…I think you’re right…there is just so much going on on the vanilla side that there isn’t any energy left for anything else. Except that nagging feeling that it’s not there just now. I’m going to just hang in this “liminal” time and hold the faith.

      With a butt plug in my ass. Coz, yanno, Faithful suggested it, and vouched for it’s working and all. ๐Ÿ™‚


  7. faithful says:

    Put a butt plug in.
    It works, trust me.
    Just sayin ๐Ÿ™‚


  8. sofia says:

    Ha! Sometimes faithful has the best ideas!!!

    i forgot what i was going to say… {giggling…}


  9. Jz says:

    Completely get this.
    I came thiiiiis close to just shutting my blog a bit ago, I was feeling so mired in non-kink…

    The good news? this too, shall pass.

    • vanillamom says:

      that’s good to hear. I *know* that all of life is cyclic…but right now I’m so “vanilla” it is ..weird. I’m busy, which is good, and hoping that the new job comes through…and then I will have some breathing time. Summer is just jammed up with all kinds of weird shit. Even my *gardens* are being neglected. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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