Did I Mention….?

….that August was a supremely busy month for my vanilla life? I’m sure I have, more than once.

I want to say thanks for all the whammies, good thoughts, blue bubbles and prayers you all sent…I found out yesterday that the job I wanted VERY much…is mine! *beaming* It’s not a “grandiose” job, a blue-collar job–but it’s MINE. My own little business, and I’m doing well at it. And I’ll be SO much closer to home, and making a tad more money, and getting to spend time with my entire family which is a nice side package.

It will curtail some of the ‘face time’ that I get with Master, but we’ll make it work. He is so proud of me for getting the job.

And speaking of the Man…we had a little tiff this week.

Okay. *I* had a little tiff. He doesn’t “fight”. He lets me blow up, blow out, calm down…and then we talk.   I *was* clear and concise in my thoughts to Him…arguing by text certainly makes one succinct. uh…perhaps even a bit terse. But I was polite, if a bit caustic. I add this–because I’m sure from the outside it looks like Master and nilla have a “perfect” relationship.

No one has a perfect relationship.

It’s the ebb and flow of emotions and needs–that are often at opposite ends of the spectrum for each party involved–and learning how to dance the dance, and find some balance. That equilibrium is hard-won sometimes. Obviously HIS needs come first. But our relationship is based on the fact that we both get our needs met, somehow. And we don’t live together, and our D/s isn’t 24/7. I am not a slave, nor a pet, but His slut.

And sometimes it is so. Fucking. Hard.

Hard to maintain that spark, that interest in being submissive, and for Him, “Domming”, every moment of every day. Vanilla life intrudes on us all the time.

Wait…hold that thought….no. No.

It doesn’t “intrude” so much as intertwine. He knows of my kids and their ventures. I know of His kids and their lives. The vanilla parts of us weave through the “U/us” of our D/s coupling…it’s part of who we are and what we bring to our relationship. It can’t be ignored. He has His job, His life-things that need to be handled, and I have mine.

Now, mind you, He is ALWAYS a Dominant. That is integral to who He is as a person. He is firm, and I know that it is my place to sit and listen while He talks–not to interrupt or interject–this is part of our D/s dynamic at play with our vanilla. I get my turn. Eventually. 🙂

And sometimes my —? My what? My needs? My obligations? All those things that I juggle day-to-day…they make me even more needy for Him to be MORE Dominant. Sometimes I want Tasks (as if I even had time to make that work, right?) or something  to make me feel more bound to Him. I told Him that I felt like I needed Him way more than He needed me.

I’m not sure about that now, now that the heat of my frustrations and needs have been tamped down. It’s been a long time since playtime, and I need a good beating. But others have waited longer than I have, and have survived. I am never sure what triggers one of my eruptions…neither is He…but we talk it through and move on.

So there you go. Neither nilla, nor Master of nilla–are perfect people. Let me know if you meet any, because surely I’ve never met any. What we are? Persevering.  What we have is special and wonderful and good. It feeds us both on some level. Our connection to one another runs deeper than a whip mark; deeper than the fucking pink hairbrush; deeper than ass fucking. It’s about Him knowing me well enough to tolerate my little rants– and helping to move us forward. It’s about me being there to listen to Him as He drives home after a long day, or share His successes, or to joke and tease one another.

We’re strong because we know we belong together. I’ve said it to a few others…Master is the only Dom I want. If we separate, or –the circle of life takes one of us from the other? I know I’d never even go looking. He is exactly what I need–despite the aggravations that crop up from time to time–despite the ‘not-always-available-to-be-with-one-another’ times–despite the fact that I’m WAY more needy to submit than what HE requires of me…He fulfills me in ways that I can’t even put to words. The yin to my yang, as it were.  While I believe, fully, in free love, in spreading it around?

He will be the last Dom that I will ever serve.

Does that surprise you? It did me. I know it did Him…and I’m still not sure He really believes that.  I spent a long time in fantasy land, and I’m happy there. But I’m happiest when I’m with my Master, in whatever times we can carve out for ourselves.  I can’t imagine my life without Him. I’m a keeper, a stay-er.  And Him?

I’m keeping.


4 thoughts on “Did I Mention….?

  1. What a fabulous place to be. It’s pretty scary saying things like that outloud for the first time. But for me, after I’ve gotten the gumption to say it-admit it, then it’s so liberating! What an amazing gift to give your Master. I hope he cherishes your words!!


  2. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that when there’s no more BG, I’ll drop the “submissive” and just revert to plain jane, garden-variety bitch…

  3. Sooooooooooo Happy on the job front. Congrats to you nilla! That is wonderful news!

    I agree with Fiona on the liberating part. It is grand when you know you will belong to no other.

    I know it is what keeps me going in this crazy “deployment” world I live in.

    Congrats again!


  4. Congrats on the Job.
    As for the rest… I understand. We don’t always mention the shady/muddy/ugly/frustrating aspects of relationships. But, they exist. And sometimes it matters, while other times it doesn’t. It’s nice to explain though. Just every once in a while.
    Love and hugs!

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