I’m not in a bad mood.

Nor a good one.

Somewhere lost between the two situations. I’m not too tired, nor fully rested. I’m restless. In my spirit, maybe. I miss Him. I might not get to be with Him this week and I …well…I’m feeling needy. Greedy? Not so much–just…needing Him. I don’t need Him to say anything special. I don’t need Him to tell me to buck up or fill my ears with sexy innuendo.

Okay, that part would be nice, I admit. 🙂

(yes, I am an over-user…an abuser if you will..of smilely emoticons. Bite me.)

It will be weeks until playtime comes again…never had the “fall” after our last visit, until now, really. I need Him. Touch me/hurt me/beat me/fuck me/pinch me/make me laugh until I cry, and help me cry until I’m over this damned mid-winter blues thing.

I want His scent in my nose, His taste in my mouth, the feeling of the strength of His hands, His calm and quiet confidence, the firmness of His sadism, the fun that pours from Him when He uses me…I want all of that.

And I get it. I do. I get bits and pieces whenever we manage a hook up. I taste His lips. I inhale His scent. I feel His hands moving over me. I get His wicked humor, and the joy that slides over His face whenever He delivers “good news” to me about some of His future plans for me…for us.

It’s just, well, you know.

Not enough.

Not nearly enough.

Today I’m going to go crawling back inside my hole, hoping the damned dismal fog blows away, and I can go back to enjoying winter.

And forget about these moody blues for a while.