Moody

I’m not in a bad mood.

Nor a good one.

Somewhere lost between the two situations. I’m not too tired, nor fully rested. I’m restless. In my spirit, maybe. I miss Him. I might not get to be with Him this week and I …well…I’m feeling needy. Greedy? Not so much–just…needing Him. I don’t need Him to say anything special. I don’t need Him to tell me to buck up or fill my ears with sexy innuendo.

Okay, that part would be nice, I admit. 🙂

(yes, I am an over-user…an abuser if you will..of smilely emoticons. Bite me.)

It will be weeks until playtime comes again…never had the “fall” after our last visit, until now, really. I need Him. Touch me/hurt me/beat me/fuck me/pinch me/make me laugh until I cry, and help me cry until I’m over this damned mid-winter blues thing.

I want His scent in my nose, His taste in my mouth, the feeling of the strength of His hands, His calm and quiet confidence, the firmness of His sadism, the fun that pours from Him when He uses me…I want all of that.

And I get it. I do. I get bits and pieces whenever we manage a hook up. I taste His lips. I inhale His scent. I feel His hands moving over me. I get His wicked humor, and the joy that slides over His face whenever He delivers “good news” to me about some of His future plans for me…for us.

It’s just, well, you know.

Not enough.

Not nearly enough.

Today I’m going to go crawling back inside my hole, hoping the damned dismal fog blows away, and I can go back to enjoying winter.

And forget about these moody blues for a while.

 

About vanillamom

For over 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Moody

  1. ytysreloaded says:

    I’m not making light of your desire for Him sweet nilla, only an observation. Each year January is a little rough for you. Your desire to end the winter and begin your spring hits. And there is nothing wrong with missing Him or wanting winter over. I’m sending you happy white bubbles of joy and light. All my love, A

    • vanillamom says:

      True, true…January is *always* a hard month for me. All bubbles deeply appreciated…always. Thank you , my friend.

      {HUG}

      nilla

  2. abby says:

    Hugs…..My winter blues usually wait til February…i always think, at least it is only 28 days…i really am not a fan of leap year. I do get your missing Him, your neediness, your missing Him. It doesn’t feel like it…but all those are good things to have in your life. Rest, breathe…..and maybe some wine?
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      Thanks abby. It has been a very foggy winter…and fog gets to me. Today is sunny, and I think I’m feeling a bit better. But these post-holiday weeks …yeah. House is back to “normal” and it takes a bit to shake into the “normal mode”. Thanks for your kind words. I promise to write more and mope less!

      nilla

  3. sofia says:

    Seems like you are not the only one in the Blogosphere who’s a bit moody and down. Missing him is tough i know. Hoping the sunshine warms you and brightens your day.

    love,

    sofia

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks…there are just those days…and my kiddo’s are being especially challenging today…(of course)…

      thank you for getting this. Not quite a whine, but not a happy peppy day…tuggin’ up my big girl panties and dealing day!

      nilla

  4. Wordwytch says:

    We call that “touch hungry”. When i get stressed, I get that way. Touch, scent… anything.
    Lots of hugs for you dear!
    (February is my bad month)

  5. Kayla Lords says:

    ((HUGS)) I understand those feelings…I know it’s hard. We’ll each get through our own restlessness…((HUGS))

    • vanillamom says:

      thanks Kayla….today was a much better day. A lot of the moodyness was from things even outside the D/s world…such violence running rampant, the sadness of hearing of the accidental death of children…I’m pulling away from the news outlets and just letting myself live in my happy little bubble for now…and hugs are always appreciated…and reciprocated. 🙂
      HUG

      nilla

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s