Finding the Perfect D/s Partner?

I’m pretty lucky.

I’ve been with my Master for 5 years…if you count from when we first started talking, then six. I can’t believe it’s been that long.

I started my D/s journey on the internet, in a short-lived thing…maybe two weeks? There wasn’t enough companionship, too many orders and this life was all so new to me.

Then there was the ill-fated romp with sin and her Sir…it lasted 5 or 6 months and came at a time when Master and I were struggling in our early days. It was a difficult time–MoS was a hard taskmaster and a very strict Dom. Very much protocol driven–it’s his thing. I thought it was my thing. But it wasn’t a good match for my heart, so despite loving him,loving her… I broke it off. I spent more time unhappy and fearful than I did feeling fulfilled as a submissive. When it feels that bad, and it is hurting others in the relationship that much…its time to be done with it.

It about broke me, to be honest.

That’s when the light bulb went off in my head, my heart, my cunt. I talked to my Sir. Really, deeply and honestly. About what I wanted, what I needed. About what HE wanted, needed.

Turns out that we’re pretty well matched that way. 😀

Master IS the Master for me. Okay, so he’s not into protocols…that works for me. The things He demands are things that mesh well. Yes, sometimes He makes me do things that I don’t like for His amusement…but that also makes me hot, you know? It doesn’t happen all the time, but often enough to keep me on my toes.

So why am i spilling my guts here?

Coz I have talked to many subs (or emailed, etc)…who long for a Dom to master them. Someone who isn’t an asshat (at least not all the time. *grin*) to deal with. Someone to bond with. It ain’t easy. I’ve been there.

And I’ve corresponded with Doms who are sub-less. Doms who want to control, to have, to share. Some online, some IRL.

And now there is no more collar me, since the big blow up over there. In honesty, I met Master, (or rather, he met me) via Fetlife, but it was one of those 1-in-100 odds that we ever would have. I liked His snarky comment to me…he liked my sassy response to his snark. We corresponded for 4, 5 months or so before we met for real.

And via Fet, I’ve been asked several times to play. Nope. Been there, done that, have the tee-shirt.

But how? How now does one find –if not their perfect mate, then at least an option to meet. Do you have any ideas? Will you share? Are you looking for a sub? Are you looking for a Dom? Am I playing matchmaker here?


That’s not my job. I can’t vett or recommend. I’m just wondering. For my friends who are lonely, and looking.

(if you choose to respond to this privately, don’t be afraid to email me. I love to chat with folks that way too.)


9 thoughts on “Finding the Perfect D/s Partner?

  1. After realizing what I wanted was a BDSM type relationship, I initially started by scrolling through Craigslist of all places (never responding, just reading). Then I was on OKCupid, searching for specific keywords, but it really isn’t the right venue for kink. Eventually I met my Sir on After we started dating, I learned about FetLife and CollarMe.

  2. I still say it is all your fault, Nilla. I was so content writing vanilla sex or Shifter sex stories. Then your stories tempted me to the dark side. Yeah, the kinky side. And I discovered that Wolf had been using his ubersneaky Dom stuff on me.

    It was good, and then there was the FSCT…. And we all know where that went.

  3. Well, you know, I had some amazing adventures before i met Sir, but we met on Collarme.

    Btw, the old collarme site is now apparently available in all its former glory at a new site. I was reading some comments on the old site about how “mean” Tiffany was not to post a link to the new site when someone pointed out that this was why god made google (ok, not in those terms.) Sure enough, a quick google search revealed the new/old site. Amazing.

  4. The new Collar Me is “Collarspace”,

    Of course Mistress has been looking for a Dom for some time to play out our cuckold fantasies. Not easy to find.


  5. Kayla and I met through our respective blogs. I had just moved my blog from Blogger to WordPress; which by the way was you and WordWytch’s fault because I couldn’t “Like” things without a WP account.
    When I moved my blog I found hers and started commenting on hers and she on mine. The rest is now history.

  6. Like you, i was very lucky……I had been corresponding with a number of Doms….from a site over 10 years not remember which. but none seemed a good fit. I was so new to it all…i wanted it, but was so scared. Master and i started out slowly…and turns out we were meant to be…but it is not easy…i wish it could be more open to help those who are searching.
    hugs abby

  7. I was on plentyoffish when I met BG. While neither he nor I had anything about kink in our profiles, I did see profiles there that did. That may not be the most attractive way to go about it for many, but it’s an option.

  8. I’ve had success in the past with Collarme, once with Fet. But I was until January very active in the local scene. But, even then there are very few available Doms who frequent our club. Plus I’m a little burnt out and “raw” (I guess, my tolerance is VERY low to handle people’s bullshit). But it’s not easy, I’ve yet to find a suitable partner/Dom who can meet me on all the levels necessary for a committed relationship. Currently I’m counting myself beautifully lucky at having great friends who meet my needs. (Rope, impact, pain, sex)

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