Happy Blogoversary to me….!!!

On this date in 2009, in a gesture born of fury and emotional upheaval, I created this blog. I was lost in my head, craving something I didn’t know much about. But I knew it was an answer to a question I’d never before been brave enough to face.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

Why? Why did I crave stories where rape or domination were the main factors? Being forced is a huge part of my kink, except back then …well pre-August 2009…I didn’t understand what a kink was.

Or a fetish.

I was woefully naive. (He would argue that I still am!)

But of this D/s and BDSM stuff? Clueless.

And then I found blogs. Where it happened for real. Where people got beaten and fucked and tied up and and and…


I can tell you that prior to August 2009 I would read some of the most wicked tales, and the seat below me would be wet with my juices. I felt …guilty. Aroused. Scared. Weird. And a sense of longing so intense it was nearly overwhelming.

There I was, middle aged housewife with two young kids and reading such perverse stuff.

I quit, you know.

Went a month, then two. Stopping myself from the perversion. My dreams went haywire. Until I couldn’t NOT look.

And I was hooked.

And Vanilla mom was born.

This is my first uber-short story. It felt wicked and naughty to write it, all 160 words of it (snicker). Stand up, girl was the first in a long long line of stories. Short and not all that interesting, it was a watershed moment for me. I’ve gotten better over the years. Not quite as … obsessed … as I was in the middle years, posting daily for nearly 2 years. Now I take a bit more time, but still…that rush when I hit “publish” just has no equivalent in my vanilla life.

So 5 years of blogging lays behind me, and who knows what lies ahead. But you know I’ll be here; I’ve learned my lesson about trying to keep this dark side hidden away–it’s just impossible.



29 thoughts on “BLOGOVERSARY!!!

  1. WOW…Congrats…it is addictive isn’t it…and comforting to know we are are not alone in out perversions…LOL. Looking forward to more of your wonderful stories.
    hugs abby

    1. Thank you abby….I need to write as much as you need to read, I guess. And while I may never get anything published, I still feel the caring and happy moans from all of my readers….(and even if I don’t, I still like knowing that people enjoy jerking off to what I write…)

      Thanks for your kind words! They are much appreciated.


  2. Congratulations on the journey and your body of work, ‘Nilla. I think we joined you a few months later in 2009. It’s odd to think we have all lasted at this for so many years!


    1. Hi Mick (and Molly)…

      You did indeed burst onto the scene in your own wonderful and kinky blog. So glad YOU are still going strong (I am lax in reading–I know you understand. And sometimes I read without commenting. I need time! (any clues where to find it?)

      Thanks for being a blogging buddy…it really helps to have that community–it enriches us all.


  3. The discovery, the beginning, the awakening of that part of the mind – it’s overwhelming. Lucky for us you are so good at pouring that into words. Congrats on the milestone.

    1. thank you greengirl. It IS an awakening, isn’t it? (ye gods you are so freaking articulate!!) and at times so overwhelming, on so many levels. Thank you for such a fine compliment from such a fine writer!


  4. Congratulations on a great body of work!
    Whole buttload of writing, isn’t it? 😀
    Did you go back and re-read right from the beginning, all the way through?
    I did on mine. (because, you know, self-absorbed…)
    Now, take a deep breath and get ready for the next five years!


    1. *waves to my bumpage sister*…Hey Jz…yanno, it IS a huge buttload of writing…I’ve written over 1800 pieces (some real,, most not) over these years (whoa!). I haven’t had time to go back and read it all (though I do reference-read when I’m writing a new thing)…

      I’m hoping that once my new routine kicks in that I’ll find/finangle/create time to write.

      (she hopes)


    1. That’s awesome…you are also such a force of positivity…I really value you as a friend, as well as a subsister. Thanks for always having a kind word, and being so supportive…hugs…


    1. 4 years of friendship…how magnificent! It’s so amazing to me, all these connections and friendships that have been forged over the years. Thanks Andi, for being my cheerleader for so long. Hugs…


    1. It’s amazing how putting those words out there, whomever shall read it notwithstanding, and feel that connection with others. Each of our relationships is special and unique–yet there is still that “we’re all weirdo’s and that’s okay” feeling.

      Thanks cammies for your comment!


    1. Hi Dee….thank you. I’ve been feeling very disconnected from the wider D/s community…so your words are sweet and kind and accepting. I’m so hoping for more connection time later this fall, but for now, I’ll have to just suck up the vanilla and survive on these little mini connections…

      thank YOU for being SUCH an inspiration to me over these past 5 years –you are one of my favorite people in the lifestyle, and thats a fact. (I ALWAYS give a happy squee when I see you’ve commented here!)



  5. Oh my I can so relate to this, I am still coming to grips with the secret playground in my head that describes the things I want, need and crave on a daily basis. Not very acceptable in most circles. Thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. I too feel very blessed to have someplace to read and connect.

  6. @ everyone!! Thank you. When I get some breathing space I will write to each one of you but for now, please know that all the kind words meant a lot to me on a week when I was both celebrating my blog and feeling glum about things on the “small ‘s’ side of the slash”…thanks for the encouragement, the bumpages, the hugs…and the kindness of your words. I treasure them all.


    1. Thanks Sir, I very much appreciate your reading here (especially since I’ve been ignoring all but a very few blogs myself)…

      hoping to KEEP you entertained for years to come…


  7. Just found your blog thanks for shareing will be looking in from time to time if thats ok with you happily not uanilla and abnormal but harmless

I'm so glad you took the time to leave some words!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.