Signals of His Need

So…here I am feeling overwhelmed (a bit) with the planned-for but—still…wow–changes around the vanilla nilla side of things…

and glumly talking to a “dark side friend” about the loss of D/s in my day to day…He’s busy, I’m INCREDIBLY overwhelmed…and was it even possible to call myself a slut, a whore, a needy cunt. Okay I didn’t say that to her nor Him but it’s in my head.

I feel….fake.

How can I relate to you all who are getting beaten/fucked/spanked/cornertime/buttplugged…you know, all the things that BROUGHT me to the darkside, when nonathat is happening in my life?

But the desire for it all is still there.

I confessed to Him (somewhat tearfully) in a series of texts…wait, I’ll quote myself…easier than trying to reconstruct the mood. I was telling Him of the things that this current week holds for me, feeling–overwhelmed. I know. I said that before. (and I’ll get used to it…I like routine and structure–it’s just all new, you know?)

me: I…am having a hard time finding my D/s vibe…I am overwhelmed with my family and have no time for me anymore.

Him: Like Day without your vibe will be a religious experience. Maybe your dog is using it as a bone.

note: He is deliberately misconstruing my comment. I hate when he does it…but it also makes me smile. It’s SO Him.

me: Not *that* vibe Master. The groove. The driving need…and…truth? I’m feeling a bit lost. I need…and yet I have no time for my own needs. And maybe this will all even out once we get back to our regular fall schedule. I start walking tomorrow morning. That will help too. Sorry for being so down.

Him:  Now, now, you’ve fallen down and can’t get up – I believe there’s a button for that: If you can’t get up, use your tongue – Lord knows that it gets enough exercise.

(my eyeroll did not get sent in a text)

me: Funnah. Bastard.

Him: Thank Youuuuuuuuuuu!

(He loves it when I call Him names. Go figure.)

me: *giggle* MASTER. I am in too bad of a mood to be giggling here–!

And of course, this kind of sets me to rights in a gentle way. He acknowledges my feelings and transmutes them.  I know some of you are saying “but i always have serious and deep discussions with my Dom over my feelings”…but we’re not 24/7 and that just isn’t our way. We do have serious conversations…but not over a little mini-rant. He understands I’m blowing steam…and helps me diffuse it.

So then, today, I get this text from Him:

Him: Since you’ve failed me miserably by withholding all physical contact for six months or so, I’ve joined Christian Singles to get a little action. My first date is with a priest.


First I laughed hysterically. The funny Bastard!!

And then I went…”hmmm…the man who says nothing about no playtime in 6 months really IS missing me in bed (and on the wall. and on the floor between his thighs…and…)

And somehow?

That helped most of all.