Was it a fight?
Or maybe a tiff?
No–it was more than a tiff, but less than a fight. I’m at a loss for an appropriate word there, but let’s just say it reduced me to hurt feelings and tears, and pissed Him off. We didn’t manage face time this weekend; between snow, him working, my working, his not communicating in a timely manner so that we could take advantage of a small window of opportunity…
That last one was the one that reduced me to a snuffling, morose, annoyed, and upset slut.
Sure, sure, I’m the submissive. *whatevah* (flaps hands in air)
The point is, HE didn’t check his texts and WE didn’t get time together. For another weekend. Which meant we’ve gone a full month without seeing one another. Three weekends of snow (well, four, counting Saturday, but we could have made it work when it WASN’T snowing on Sunday–see? I’m *still* a bit pissy about it.) has made it more than a little bit difficult for everyone up here in the Northeast, aka the Frozen Tundra.
And yeah. He made me cry about it.
even after 6 years together?
I’m still so fucking hungry for Him.
That’s not a bad thing, mind you. It’s a good thing–except in this kind of situation. It’s the hurt that doesn’t feel good, the sadness that sucks, the lack of touching that leaves me feeling empty, alone, and neglected.
Which is NOT to say He is totally neglecting me, pervie peeps. We text a few times a day, speak multiple times a week–but I haven’t been able to kiss Him…and he gives INCREDIBLE kiss…nor run my fingers through his rough and sexy beard, nor wrap my arms around him (and be squished half to death by his arms around me.)…nothing, nada, zilch.
And this is totally a whiny, feeling-sorry-for-myself post. I’ll get through this, over this. Circumstances have made everything hard up here, driving is horrific, still. Going anyplace is an effort–it’s fucking-ass cold, relentlessly cold (despite breaking freezing yesterday, which was awesome, for 12 hours), snow piles on roads and intersections that are 6-8 feet tall or worse…
It doesn’t make me feel any better that He didn’t make the extra effort to try to be with me.
Because I would have done so to be with him.
And this sounds like I’m shaming him in public. I’m trying to be fair. But this is also *my* outlet. Not many people that I can vent to–and make no mistake, this is a *vent* and not an excuse to excoriate my Master. I love Him. I ADORE Him.
He maddens me at times, that’s all.
We’ve spoken, last evening. Things are better.
But they won’t be 100% better until I can touch Him. Maybe next week–but I’m not holding out hope because just now? I feel too raw and tender to trust that it will happen, because it might break me if it falls through.