Fight?

Was it a fight?

Or maybe a tiff?

No–it was more than a tiff, but less than a fight. I’m at a loss for an appropriate word there, but let’s just say it reduced me to hurt feelings and tears, and pissed Him off. We didn’t manage face time this weekend; between snow, him working, my working, his not communicating in a timely manner so that we could take advantage of a small window of opportunity…

yeah.

That last one was the one that reduced me to a snuffling, morose, annoyed, and upset slut.

Sure, sure, I’m the submissive. *whatevah* (flaps hands in air)

The point is, HE didn’t check his texts and WE didn’t get time together. For another weekend. Which meant we’ve gone a full month without seeing one another. Three weekends of snow (well, four, counting Saturday, but we could have made it work when it WASN’T snowing on Sunday–see? I’m *still* a bit pissy about it.) has made it more than a little bit difficult for everyone up here in the Northeast, aka the Frozen Tundra.

And yeah. He made me cry about it.

Because–

even after 6 years together?

I’m still so fucking hungry for Him.

That’s not a bad thing, mind you. It’s a good thing–except in this kind of situation. It’s the hurt that doesn’t feel good, the sadness that sucks, the lack of touching that leaves me feeling empty, alone, and neglected.

Which is NOT to say He is totally neglecting me, pervie peeps. We text a few times a day, speak multiple times a week–but I haven’t been able to kiss Him…and he gives INCREDIBLE kiss…nor run my fingers through his rough and sexy beard, nor wrap my arms around him (and be squished half to death by his arms around me.)…nothing, nada, zilch.

And this is totally a whiny, feeling-sorry-for-myself post. I’ll get through this, over this. Circumstances have made everything hard up here, driving is horrific, still. Going anyplace is an effort–it’s fucking-ass cold, relentlessly cold (despite breaking freezing yesterday, which was awesome, for 12 hours), snow piles on roads and intersections that are 6-8 feet tall or worse…

It doesn’t make me feel any better that He didn’t make the extra effort to try to be with me.

Because I would have done so to be with him.

And this sounds like I’m shaming him in public. I’m trying  to be fair. But this is also *my* outlet. Not many people that I can vent to–and make no mistake, this is a *vent*  and not an excuse to excoriate my Master. I love Him. I ADORE Him.

He maddens me at times, that’s all.

We’ve spoken, last evening. Things are better.

But they won’t be 100% better until I can touch Him. Maybe next week–but I’m not holding out hope because just now? I feel too raw and tender to trust that it will happen, because it might break me if it falls through.

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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11 Responses to Fight?

  1. Wordwytch says:

    I understand the hunger. When Wolf was gone for 4 months I thought I’d die. Hell, there are days when he’s gone for a few hours and I can’t wait for that first hug or kiss. Touch hunger.

    It’s stress driven. With the weather you’ve had, I’m not surprised that you’re stressed. I know I am, and for me it is a lot of little things.

    Hugs dear, and I hope that you two get together soon!

    • vanillamom says:

      Yes, I remember that…a wickedly long 4 months…One month has been hard and he and I don’t live together–I cannot imagine 16-17 weeks apart…

      Hoping that we’ll get some time in March for play (pending Mother’s Nature’s rather piquant attitude regarding snow this year…!)

      nilla

  2. Jz says:

    *nod,nod,nod*
    I hear ya.

    • vanillamom says:

      Yes, my friend, I know you get this. And it’s good that he and I talked and things are …back on an even keel once more.

      nilla

  3. Kayla Lords says:

    I get the hunger. I get the hurt feelings, sad tears, and annoyance. ((HUGS)) When you crave someone, you crave them – and it’s never okay or fair when you don’t get a taste. ((HUGS))

  4. abby says:

    I get it…..just today I was telling Master that i feel like i needed Him too much over the weekend….only i am the one who did not ask and try to make it happen…but i understand and sympathize with your wine. Our average temp. for Feb….has bee 12 so far…another below zero night and day tomorrow….weather does not help anyone’s moods.
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      I hate to mention how cold it was here yesterday, our coldest of the year, I think. It was wicked. BUT…we seem to be missing these last few storms — so maybe we can go a whole week without snow? One can hope, at any rate. 😀

      And no…EVERYONE’S mood is ugly this year.

      ugh.

      nilla

  5. ashlyroach says:

    A lot is just stress built up through the splendid weather you lucky buggers are having. Or was it a lot deeper and you were miffed cause you missed the bbq? Bot in all honesty when you do meet up it will be very explosive and I should imagine a bit on the painful side. Stay warm and safe

    • vanillamom says:

      We have scheduled our 2nd playdate (pending no snow, of course) a few short weeks from now. I have NO doubt it will be explosive…and no doubt it will be *very* painful (especially after my little pouting episode this past weekend…!)

      nilla

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