What. The. Fuck. (Viewpoint 3)

with deepest appreciation to that searcher who was looking for aliens sucking tits…and to my boon friend, Will Crimson…he’s my go-to guy, fellow author, with as much insight into Tentaclalia as anyone I know. It’s great to have a friend who will tell you exactly how many times one used the word “goop” in one’s writing…(trust me, this is a GOOD thing!)…and laugh at your funny bits. You’re one in a million, Will, and I thank you for your wacky mindset that really coalesces with mine…we’re weird fucks, to be sure, but we sure have fun with it!  ~nilla~

 

*He adjusts the microphone one last time, as the pretty young woman moves to sit across from him. She looks nervous, but he notices her curvy tits, the pretty curl of her hair, and the lovely round shape of her ass as she sits. Clearing his throat, he dives into the interview*

“Do you mind if I record this? I like to be certain that I properly quote people in my stories.”

“ah, I…sure, I guess…” She looks, if possible, even more uncomfortable than she did when she entered the room.

“You know how papers like mine get such a bad rap, making up stories, putting up topless pictures of celebrities and the like. But at the Daily View we pride ourselves in reporting accuracy.”

“uhm…okay, sure. Look, I’m not really totally sure about this–”

“Please! Oh, no..stay…really. Your little……{pausing, he leans forward, covering the mic, and whispers to her} …

“you know we can’t mention those social media sites by name or we have to pay royalties…”

“oh. uh…okay…”

“Your –we’ll call it a “blurb”– was circling the globe, you know. Rather like an alien spaceship might, amiright?”

He smiles in what he hopes is a winsome manner, nodding his head at his cleverness. It isn’t everyday he gets to interview the woman who tweeted that she’d been screwed by aliens. He wonders if he could get in her pants as easily as some “alien” did. He watches her body language as he continues to dive into the checklist of questions on his clipboard. He is sure he’ll trip her up, and this will be a waste of his time…unless he gets to fuck her. She is a prime piece, he muses, his gaze slipping from her ankles to the secret place hidden by the hem of her skirt.

She blushes, crossing her legs at the ankle and tucking them under the chair. Her purse is pulled up high on her lap almost defensively.

“You know, young woman, it isn’t everyday that someone tells the world that she was …raped…by an alien. And for it to be retwe….shared, I mean…the million plus times that it was? My dear, you’re an overnight sensation! Maybe for that alien, too, eh?”

He grins at her, but his attempt at humor goes unappreciated.

“It happened. I remember it. Clearly. I might have been out of my head with it, but–”

“With…”IT”…. can you describe that a bit more for us?”

Her voice drops again, as her discomfort grows.

“It. The thing. It gave me…you know.”

“Chlamydia? Herpes?”

“No!” she stares at him, indignant. Taking a deep breath, she continues.

“Orgasms. It gave me a zillion orgasms. When it raped me.”

“Pardon me, miss, but the two see mutually exclusive.”

“It made me drink stuff. And it…affected me.”

His eyebrows raise. He hadn’t heard this part before.

“Tell me more. Wait. What did It look like? Did you suck it’s dick?”

She covers her face with her hand, hiding her eyes. Her voice is muffled by it.

: BOB!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WATCHING?:

:NOTHING:

:FUCK IF YOU AREN’T…WAIT…ISN’T THAT CARSON’S LAST MOTHER? THE FUCK…IT IS HER…WHAT THE FUCK?:

{sound of toggling of switches, and a voice booms through the ship: CARSON TO THE BRIDGE CODE RED}

“It –wasn’t like us…at all…it was…goop. It could make shapes…it went into my mouth and …and…injected me with something goopy that I had to drink and..”

“But did it have a penis? Was it HUGE like they show on those overseas pornos?”

:I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS. CARSON!!! YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU BLOCKED HER MEMORY. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?:

:uhm…I dunno Captain, I just got here, remember? I had to …well Yani was in my quarters and you know how…avidly she secretes…But I de-slimed and came up here as soon as you called me. I have no idea why but I came up here…:

He is interrupted by his nearly apoplectic captain pointing a tentacular finger at the big vid screen that he’d uploaded from Bob’s viewscreen.

:LOOK AT THE FUCKING SCREEN:

:Cap’n sir, uh..you kind of just spit on me…:

:CARSON! FUCKING FOCUS HERE. SHE REMEMBERS! THIS IS A FUCKING DISASTER (SOUNDS OF LIQUID SLOSHING ABOUT):

:Cap’n…maybe you should stop pacing…you’re kind of …uhm…:

:KIND OF WHAT? (HE SOUNDS PISSED):

:er…well Sir…..you’re kind of rolling around like a tsunami, sir.There’s…uhm…you’re leaving a trail, Captain.. And okay yeah, that’s my last mother down there talking to a .. OH FUCKING JUPITER!!!!:

:I SEE YOU FINALLY GROK THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE MATTER:

:You have to send me back. I have to stop it. I …:

:ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND? SEND YOU BACK TO YOUR FUCK UP? DO YOU HAVE any IDEA WHAT HEADQUARTERS WILL DO TO ME OVER THIS? YOU’LL GET DEMOTED, SENT PLANET-SIDE AND MIGHT BE SORTING  PUKA PEARLS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. ME? I’LL BE SCUTTLED AND BECOME FRIKKING METEOR SHOWERS EVERY 78 YEARS. THIS IS BEYOND BAD. I’M GOING TO HAVE TO SPRAY THE ENTIRE ATMOSPHERE WITH FORGET-ME-NOTS. THOSE FUCKING FLOWERS WILL BE EVERYWHERE, FROM THE NORTH POLE TO THE AMAZON JUNGLE:

There is an audible gasp in the room.

:YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!! HOLY HALCYON!  YOU’LL HAVE ELEPHANTS MATING WITH TIGERS, AND HUMANS MATING WITH DOGS AND CHAOS, MAN…IT WILL BE BORNE OF THIS ONE CRITICAL DECISION!:

:SHUT UP BOB:

:humans mating with dogs? Holy Jupiter, Bob. Where do you get these thoughts from?:

:AND HE FUCKING OOZES ALL OVER EVERYTHING. JUST. STOP. BOB.:

******************

“I’m sorry, you were saying..?” The reporter tries to get her to lower her hands, and respond.

“I…it…there was…”

She rises in a quick motion, almost upsetting the small coffee table between them.

“Look,” she says, her face crimson. “It was a hoax. Nothing happened. I just broke up with my boyfriend and thought I’d just…you know. Get famous and make him regret dumping me.”

He blinks. Well, thank GAWD he wouldn’t have to write this story up. He knew the boss was mad at him for boffing his sister, but for fucks sake, to sic him on an alien fucking story?

“Oh. Oh. Well, then okay.”

“Really?” She looks at him, nervous. She didn’t know why she’d thought this was a good idea anyway. He was kind of cute, in a way. He was a bit obnoxious, but didn’t that just mean he was confident?

“No worries. It happens. Ya get caught up in the excitement and here I am trying to get your…story.”

He pauses, his eyes on her tits. Was it his imagination, or were they bigger than when she’d first come in?

“So….since we’re not doing the interview, it would be shame to let this hotel go to waste. I can order us some room service…some wine on the paper’s tab wouldn’t be a bad thing, right?”

He runs a finger down her wrist.

:you’ve got to be kidding me:

:SAVED BY THE FUCKING BELL! I’M NOT SURE WHAT WENT ON DOWN THERE JUST NOW, BUT SHE BACKED OFF…:

:someone’s gonna get lucky…won’t have to play pocket polo tonight:

:geezuz Bob:

:SHUT UP BOB. BOY DID WE DODGE A BULLET THERE. IF I’D HAD TO DEPLOY THE FORGET ME NOTS I’D BE FUCKED:

:I think you’re not the one getting fucked tonight, Boss:

:THAT’S CAPTAIN, YOU IDIOT:

:I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to call you an idiot, sir.

*sounds of sighing from all over the bridge, then a quick series of slaps, a deep vibrating jolt and a gargled scream. There is a moment of silence, then the sound of something big sloshing as it hits the floor. Someone behind the captain applauds.*

:SECURITY, STASH THAT FUCKTARD IN HIS BERTH AND LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR:

:permission to go below decks Sir?: (he thinks longingly of Yani’s presence in his berth, the many holes awaiting him. Sure she was messy, but by Jupiter she was fun as fuck!)

:GRANTED. CON, GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. ON MY MARK…:

:bearing 3.045 vector 12 ready on your mark, captain:

:ENGAGE:

Below, a man and his young son gaze up at the Big Dipper. He is pointing out the handle to the boy when a brilliant light arcs across the sky leaving a trail of incandescent blue. IN a hotel on the other side of town, two bodies are entwined. Through the window, she also sees the arc of light. And smiles.

 

 

 

 

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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6 Responses to What. The. Fuck. (Viewpoint 3)

  1. This portion of the tale makes me think of the saying: “The best laid plans…”

  2. Wordwytch says:

    A well played part of the story. Love the aliens.

  3. Comical, dark, sexy and just plain fun!!!
    Absolutely love the 3 different versions you wrote.

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