Rocky week here in nillaville…
Busy up to my eyeballs, vanilla life has reached its crescendo and things are now calming for the summer season. My spouse and I are spatting about a divergence in our parenting styles (I can’t go into it or I’ll start seeing red and then maybe grow fangs and go out and bite some poor innocent…) and that’s making me crazy.
And M and I had a tiff. Not even a tiff. I was hurt by something He said…and by things He hasn’t said. And I sent him a LONG series of texts when I was exhausted and overwhelmed with the above stuff…and to His credit, he did NOT dismiss my commentary out of hand.
He listened. (read my pages of texts)
He responded kindly.
He’ll work on some of the things that I mentioned that did really hurt my feelings, and then told me He understood that when things in my vanilla life took a turn that I started to question myself–and him–and I reiterated that while that may have been the catalyst…that I’d been feeling these feelings for a long while and hadn’t the courage to say anything about it.
You know, I was just sucking it up. This IS a D/s relationship after all. But, still…I’m not a doormat, and He is willing to hear me out if I’m going to communicate rather than rant and blame and yell. So … I reined it in (my angst) and spoke clearly and only sent one tiny snark at the very end when I got all worked up.
And then I sit and wonder why I do this when I’m a week away from playtime? I’m sure there will be some “don’t forget that if things change in my feelings for you, slut, that you’ll be the first to know” time. Because He’s steadfast about that–and that leaves him lots of space for his semi-sarcastic comments, and teasing.
So He’s cutting back on some of that, and I’m going to cut him some slack and remember that if He really is not happy to see me, that he’ll say so. He’s never had trouble expressing himself, so…yeah. He’ll let me know. And the air is clear, at least.
It doesn’t help that it’s been 6 weeks since I saw His face, either. That always gets me angsty.
And I thought I’d have time to write but frankly? I haven’t. And when I do sit down? It’s on the edge of my bed before I fall bonelessly into it to sleep. Why is there not more time these days? Sheesh.
Just wanted to let you know I’m alive and kicking (and working, working, working)…and I’ll be back at some point I promise. Stories in my head don’t help you lot jerk off now, do they? 😀