This, That, and a Bunch of I Gots Nuthin’

Rocky week here in nillaville…

Busy up to my eyeballs, vanilla life has reached its crescendo and things are now calming for the summer season. My spouse and I are spatting about a divergence in our parenting styles (I can’t go into it or I’ll start seeing red and then maybe grow fangs and go out and bite some poor innocent…) and that’s making me crazy.

And M and I had a tiff. Not even a tiff. I was hurt by something He said…and by things He hasn’t said. And I sent him a LONG series of texts when I was exhausted and overwhelmed with the above stuff…and to His credit, he did NOT dismiss my commentary out of hand.

He listened. (read my pages of texts)

He responded kindly.

He’ll work on some of the things that I mentioned that did really hurt my feelings, and then told me He understood that when things in my vanilla life took a turn that I started to question myself–and him–and I reiterated that while that may have been the catalyst…that I’d been feeling these feelings for a long while and hadn’t the courage to say anything about it.

You know, I was just sucking it up. This IS a D/s relationship after all. But, still…I’m not a doormat, and He is willing to hear me out if I’m going to communicate rather than rant and blame and yell. So … I reined it in (my angst) and spoke clearly and only sent one tiny snark at the very end when I got all worked up.

And then I sit and wonder why I do this when I’m a week away from playtime? I’m sure  there will be some “don’t forget that if things change in my feelings for you, slut, that you’ll be the first to know” time. Because He’s steadfast about that–and that leaves him lots of space for his semi-sarcastic comments, and teasing.

So He’s cutting back on some of that, and I’m going to cut him some slack and remember that if He really is not happy to see me, that he’ll say so. He’s never had trouble expressing himself, so…yeah. He’ll let me know. And the air is clear, at least.

It doesn’t help that it’s been 6 weeks since I saw His face, either. That always gets me angsty.

And I thought I’d have time to write but frankly? I haven’t. And when I do sit down? It’s on the edge of my bed before I fall bonelessly into it to sleep. Why is there not more time these days? Sheesh.

Just wanted to let you know I’m alive and kicking (and working, working, working)…and I’ll be back at some point I promise. Stories in my head don’t help you lot jerk off now, do they? 😀

About vanillamom

For over 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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8 Responses to This, That, and a Bunch of I Gots Nuthin’

  1. Get your partner to give your arse a good spanking and mix it with rough tit play then you are sorted!! I do hope things are sorted for you!!! I have just seen you are near st albans I was born in st A in the uk.
    All the best wishes Hugs Ashly xx

    • vanillamom says:

      I’m not near St. albans…not sure where that is, actually, and too short on time to google…I’m in the northeast USA, New Englander. My spouse and I are non-sexual. And getting time with Master is proving to be very difficult. Thankfully we have play time coming soon…though it is not for me to “get” Him to do whatever to me. 😀 That’s totally HIS call–I’m the submissive, after all. It will be nice to have time with Him after a long time without seeing him nor playtime.

      nilla

      • ashlyroach says:

        Please don’t get alarmed I may be stalking you! My nieces will be coming over the pond, too work as an au pair for a year. She will be in a family in New England or Boston. Reason for a lot of interest in tour area. Hope all goes well with your meet.

        Ashley 😘

  2. Jz says:

    Clear air is huge – glad you achieved it!
    I hate how spring seems to magically suck up all my free time. It runs counter to expectations, somehow, doesn’t it?

    • vanillamom says:

      YES! I LOVE spring. Not as much as fall, but all those plantings from last year coming up strong in the garden this year, plotting and planting for this year…so so so much to do (I should be outside mowing now…er…uh…whatever).

      But time sure has a way of getting sucked up at an amazingly quick rate!

      nilla

  3. abby says:

    LOL….you are the first place i go to when i get a surprise…cum now…text from Master…He just doesn’t understand that ‘nilla is busy now! But is ure do get it…..hope your M dry spell gets….much wetter…soon.
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      oh wow, what I’d love to get–a surprise cum now from Master!! So glad you come…er…cum? here first. Sorry I’ve been out of the sexy stuff of late! You might have inspired me to get my groove back on, though! Thanks abby!

      nilla

  4. Wordwytch says:

    Hugs dear! And I hope that it all mellows out. Life has been ‘interesting’ for so many of us lately. I can’t wait for Mercury to leave Retrograde! (june 11th)

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