It had been a long, long, long time since he and I had any extended play time. And when we have extended time apart, he doesn’t task me with things to do — which is good because I just simply don’t have the time available to do much with being his “good little slut”.
Does that shock you to your core, that last statement there?
Yeah, me too. Once, long ago when this was new and hot and ohmahgawd I wanna do it all and do it now and do it with anyone… I would have thought that a “slut” like that was a bad one. A non-submissive, just a whore.
But now? I’ve been doing this dark and naughty thing we do for a long time…and I am older and wiser. We all serve our tops in a variety of ways…and in the ways that work best for each of our relationships. For all of those relationships that start out gangbusters and going hardcore 24/7 Dom/slave? Very few make it. Sure there is Omega and mouse…and Scott and kaya…and there’s Fiona and her Sir…and if I’ve forgotten to add YOU, apologies. Those are the lone few that leapt to my mind this late evening as I write.
The point here is that you have to make this D/s thing work for YOU. Well you and your Top…but you know that I meant that, right? Anyway…you can’t do this for anyone else. Not for blogland, not for the accolades of others in the lifestyle. If it works for you and makes you happy, then go for it. Don’t feel the need to copy anyone else’s thing and feel that you’re doin’ it wrong if you don’t.
So you all know that M and I don’t live together. We’re semi LDR…(well, long distance as in around 40 miles or so, as opposed to cross-country!)…but between his responsibilities and mine…it’s been very hard on us these last two years. He doesn’t like to Dom (read: give tasks, sex act etc) unless he’s there to reap the benefits of the torment. He’s VERY hands on.
When we played a few weeks ago, it was hard and rough and fast. And cuddling and tickling and pain. And kisses that lasted forever, and brutal fucking and being fingered until I thought my cunt would be swollen and tender forever, followed by that wonderful languid feeling of being well used.
There is also the “one last orgasm” thing he does, when it just hurts so. fucking. much. His fingers jab into my swollen and tender pussy, and I moan and thrash, and he holds me down with brutality, and savages me…and then I’m hot and it’s good and it hurts and oooomygawd…I’m fucking back and then I come and it’s like I’m dying with it…a sudden surging rush of liquid, a bed-soaking orgasm that drains me totally until I fall into the depths of subspace.
All that good stuff aside? He won’t tell me what to wear, won’t tell me what to eat, won’t tell me when to go to bed. He’s my Dom, not my keeper. I’m not his pet, nor his child…so those are my decisions to make. He really doesn’t have a way to enforce it, so if I fuck up? What can be done from afar? Not much. It has worked out to an occasional “you will have two half-o’s tonight, 3 minutes apart, no cumming” and that’s it.
A few years ago I would have been unhappy with that. But these days, when my vanilla life is jam packed–between college teen and schooling two younger kids, and my various jobs and running my own business? I’m stretched pretty thin. There have been times I’ve thought seriously of stopping this blog because how boring am I?
But then I have these dreams, or even these naughty “thinks” that come up in the course of my doing some mundane task or other…and I know I need this outlet to be here for me. Because I am a submissive and I am a slut and I am a horny wench, and I do have a warped sense of what is sexy…sometimes it’s sweet with a touch of pain or teasing, and sometimes it is dark, and vile and nasty and so …untoward…coming out of my head.
Here is a place that I don’t feel at all judged by that.
So you’re stuck with me. And I’m stuck with him, and he with me. We’ll go on making this wacky wild nasty thing we do work…because it does work.