And Then He Does That

This is not a sexay fucky wankable post.

Sorry.

There hasn’t been much time for any of the above, business is booming (yay!) and I’m flat out these days. He had commitments this weekend that precluded ANY chance of us getting together, given my full schedule and his.

I had a bit of a snit. I didn’t think it was a snit at the time, (of COURSE NOT!), but it kind of was. I was just worried because our communication time has been cut down too, and I was thinking ‘oh hell, what if I’ve finally bored him to tears’  which wasn’t the case, just my own insecurity rising up. The good thing was that I wasn’t a bitch about it to him, just talking through my thoughts (my how she’s grown!) so it was handled with zero drama. And we finally talked. And, okay, I did twit him a bit about being older than dirt than me, and maybe not feeling those Dominant Urges so much anymore, for which I was resoundingly reproved. (Bad nilla, bad.)

And with his birthday coming up didn’t I go out and find the perfect birthday card to go along with my twitting of him? Didn’t I? Of course I did. Because I’m terrible like that! *giggles nervously*

Yes, I’m giving it to him in person. I MUST see his face when he reads it…no point otherwise. 😀

Anyway, all that is water under the bridge now, and we’re good (not that we weren’t good, but *I* wasn’t good…), back on an even keel. (Note, not “footing” because He’s the Dom, and I’m not.  As he so very carefully reminded me.

So, all that’s the backstory for the next part. Because He was talking last night and I offered to help him, and made an offhand comment…and he replied in a manner that can only be described as uplifting, affirming. It has nothing to do with my sub status, but my vanilla side. And he … he’s transforming my vision of myself. And gosh that meant a lot to me. He didn’t even think  about it…it was an immediate reaction to what I said…”No you’re not nilla, you’re XYZ…and a damn fine job of it you’re doing, too.”

I was, and am, blown away. Not by the support, as he’s been very supportive of this new venture of mine. But of the fact that he immediately moved to bolster me, to lift me up. There are no words to adequately express the fullness in my heart for that. It was more -so much more-than just saying “you’re doing a good job there, slut.” It was even more than a nod of approval of what I’m doing, more like a “I see you this way, you should too.”

I’m hoping you grok what I mean, since I have to be a bit oblique due to privacy issues.

D/s is a complex relationship. He makes no bones about my place on the right side of the slash, being the “small ‘s'” in our dynamic. And yet…on the other hand, he understands my vanilla life so very well, and is proud of me.

Yeah, that’s it. It was a way of unabashedly showing he’s proud of me. Despite my being the small s. Despite my snit the weekend before. Despite any D/s “rules” that say that he is always supposed to be the big bad wolf, and be threatening/menacing/mean-assed Dom all the time. And okay, I’ll admit that it’s often a very thin undercurrent there, that if I cross the line (which I rarely do, because it comes round to bite me in the ass) he’ll snatch me up and remind me. I hate being in that position, I hate putting Him in that position. I’m a big girl and don’t need him directing me to every little thing I do each and every moment we communicate. (Excepting, of course, playtime where we seamlessly slip into our roles (or is that “let them loose”?) as Dom and submissive).

No, this was very much a candid look at how he sees me. And encouragement and re-visualizing of what I do. He cares, he notices, and he’s proud of me. And that’s the best head pat of them all.

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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11 Responses to And Then He Does That

  1. greengirliam says:

    I think it is all just so much MORE with all of each person involved – does that make sense? The M/s can be so much deeper because you each recognize and embrace all the aspects of the other – or at least that’s how it works for us. Without being ‘all in’ it would all feel a little fake and surface-y. How awesome that he sees that so naturally and nurtures all of you.

    • vanillamom says:

      YES….and since we’re not 24/7, getting that “more” and full involvement can be challenging…but he gets me, gets what I’m trying to accomplish…and takes it one step further in pushing me to see myself as a leader…it’s awesome and intimidating and encouraging too. 😀

      thanks for “getting it” gg!

      nilla

  2. abby says:

    I’d say that was ….almost…as good as some play time. I get it, Master is very good at D/s…and He never lets me forget my place…but He is also my biggest cheerleader, encourager…
    hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      YES! He’s always in charge and I know my place so getting vanilla encouragement is…well, it’s pretty close to the best of things for me. 😀

      nilla

  3. sofia says:

    Well, cool! Apparently he does see and appreciate you for who you are! That’s such a good feeling.

  4. Jz says:

    It’s kind of like the time I teased BG, “hey, did I finally do something that impresses you?” and he shot right back, “Finally? No, you do it regularly”…
    It sort of stops you in your tracks and (if you’re me) makes you go, “Wait!! Did I know this?!?!?”

    • vanillamom says:

      Awww…see? this goes to my point that we’re always in that place of “are we enough for them”…even when we think we aren’t. Encouragement helps a TON in framing our vision of ourselves. Sometimes they don’t get that because as M often says…if something is wrong, I’ll be sure to tell you. If you hear nothing then all is well. (Is that a Dom thing or just a guy thing? hmmmm….)

      😀

      nilla

  5. Twigs at 100AcreSub says:

    Yay for Doms breaking ‘them rules’. I am always amazed and loved when in a moment he shows his recognition of ‘all’ of me like that. Mostly it reminds me when my D is being ‘soppy’ as I jest that they’re the ones that make the rules not anyone else. Oh and such jesting usually gets me into ‘trouble’ 😉 but good trouble you know ?
    Humbly twigs.

    • vanillamom says:

      exactly! I am all for being 100% dommed, but there is that undeniable vanilla side to our lives too. It helps to be encouraged that way.

      nilla

  6. Wordwytch says:

    So good to hear things like this. As Wolf says, it’s all about the sub. Making the sub grow and develop. 🙂 Like me being able to cope with things that 3-5 years ago would have left me in tears. Silent tears. Hugs dear!

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