This is not a sexay fucky wankable post.
There hasn’t been much time for any of the above, business is booming (yay!) and I’m flat out these days. He had commitments this weekend that precluded ANY chance of us getting together, given my full schedule and his.
I had a bit of a snit. I didn’t think it was a snit at the time, (of COURSE NOT!), but it kind of was. I was just worried because our communication time has been cut down too, and I was thinking ‘oh hell, what if I’ve finally bored him to tears’ which wasn’t the case, just my own insecurity rising up. The good thing was that I wasn’t a bitch about it to him, just talking through my thoughts (my how she’s grown!) so it was handled with zero drama. And we finally talked. And, okay, I did twit him a bit about being older
than dirt than me, and maybe not feeling those Dominant Urges so much anymore, for which I was resoundingly reproved. (Bad nilla, bad.)
And with his birthday coming up didn’t I go out and find the perfect birthday card to go along with my twitting of him? Didn’t I? Of course I did. Because I’m terrible like that! *giggles nervously*
Yes, I’m giving it to him in person. I MUST see his face when he reads it…no point otherwise. 😀
Anyway, all that is water under the bridge now, and we’re good (not that we weren’t good, but *I* wasn’t good…), back on an even keel. (Note, not “footing” because He’s the Dom, and I’m not. As he so very carefully reminded me.
So, all that’s the backstory for the next part. Because He was talking last night and I offered to help him, and made an offhand comment…and he replied in a manner that can only be described as uplifting, affirming. It has nothing to do with my sub status, but my vanilla side. And he … he’s transforming my vision of myself. And gosh that meant a lot to me. He didn’t even think about it…it was an immediate reaction to what I said…”No you’re not nilla, you’re XYZ…and a damn fine job of it you’re doing, too.”
I was, and am, blown away. Not by the support, as he’s been very supportive of this new venture of mine. But of the fact that he immediately moved to bolster me, to lift me up. There are no words to adequately express the fullness in my heart for that. It was more -so much more-than just saying “you’re doing a good job there, slut.” It was even more than a nod of approval of what I’m doing, more like a “I see you this way, you should too.”
I’m hoping you grok what I mean, since I have to be a bit oblique due to privacy issues.
D/s is a complex relationship. He makes no bones about my place on the right side of the slash, being the “small ‘s'” in our dynamic. And yet…on the other hand, he understands my vanilla life so very well, and is proud of me.
Yeah, that’s it. It was a way of unabashedly showing he’s proud of me. Despite my being the small s. Despite my snit the weekend before. Despite any D/s “rules” that say that he is always supposed to be the big bad wolf, and be threatening/menacing/mean-assed Dom all the time. And okay, I’ll admit that it’s often a very thin undercurrent there, that if I cross the line (which I rarely do, because it comes round to bite me in the ass) he’ll snatch me up and remind me. I hate being in that position, I hate putting Him in that position. I’m a big girl and don’t need him directing me to every little thing I do each and every moment we communicate. (Excepting, of course, playtime where we seamlessly slip into our roles (or is that “let them loose”?) as Dom and submissive).
No, this was very much a candid look at how he sees me. And encouragement and re-visualizing of what I do. He cares, he notices, and he’s proud of me. And that’s the best head pat of them all.