…keeping one’s head above water is hard work sometimes. I love my work, I do. I love my family, I do. I have a good life, maybe even a great one. I have enough to eat, clothing to wear, a job I love, and people I care deeply about.
But all that aside?
I’m a filthy, dirty-minded, wanton slut.
And that part of me has become a recluse. Through over-programming in my vanilla life, to loss of time with my Master (and communication)…I’m feeling…adrift.
I know many of my fellow wanton sluts have gone through this–maybe are going through it now. I’m not alone in my misery. Oh hell, maybe that’s too strong a word? I’m *not* miserable. But I’m lonely, even with my family and friends around me. Lonely for the slut I was 5, 6 years ago. For the hunger I had when this all began 7+ years ago. Avidly reading blogs, commenting.
My kids were younger, way younger then, so I didn’t have schooling them, nor worrying about them reading over my shoulder at what I’m reading or writing. So many challenges.
So I sent Him an email. One that shares my longing to be that slut again, to be marked by Him, used by Him, to share the depravity that we call D/s. We MUST make time to be together. We just must.
For now I wait to get his response.
Waiting, it’s part of a sluts job, right? I feel like I’ve been waiting forever…but I know it’s not so.
And we’ll make plans, to try to connect.
Funny thing about that word, connect. Reminds me of plugging in an appliance, a lamp. What happens when you do that? Why, through the wonders of wiring–they work. They illuminate, they heat, they do all sorts of amazing things.
I need to connect to Him, to be illuminated, to be charged, to be fully, wholly myself. It’s no wonder I’ve been feeling dim, then is it?