This is Master and nilla lately.
We can’t seem to communicate for shit.
He resorts to silence “until your mood passes”, not understanding how much that hurts. WHY, male Doms/Tops….why is it SO fucking hard to say “I like you” or “I care about you” or “I miss not spending time with you”???
Is it because you ALWAYS have to be on top, never letting your guard down? Like…I’m going to jump all over the emo connection and bat my eyes and coo and bill?
I just…need to know that he cares. Just a little. That it’s not okay to accept the status quo. Yes, I’m super busy. But when I eke out time, even a small sliver of it, and HE doesn’t/can’t/won’t make time to meet me in that narrow window…it gets frustrating as hell.
Never in our almost 8 years together have we ever spent this much time apart. NO face time since mid-May, fercrissakes, and I’m supposed to sit and smile and be accepting of this?
No I’m not. I’m not accepting it, AT ALL.
It’s not wrong to want to be with your Dom.
It’s not wrong to be upset when time after time meetings fall through.
It’s not WRONG, dammit, to be pissed off because we’re just piddling through, with hardly any communication at all.
And it’s not wrong for me to be *respectfully* pissed and work through the channels that HE created for me to communicate. But he doesn’t answer, doesn’t communicate, makes me feel like I’m wrong to feel the way I feel because “every 90 days you go off this way”. I call bullshit. I spoke to him two weeks ago about these same frustrations and no change, no acknowledgement. But there has been NO dissent, NO moodiness, NO disrespect, NO arguing in close to two years. Don’t give me that “every 90 days” bullcrap. That was in the early days, M, not now.
So now I’m disrespectfully pissed.