I hate when I fall off the grid like that…

…but it happens.

Leading up to the holiday weekend, working every day…every day. Plus a rush rush rush of a job for 10 days–I didn’t even turn on my computer for 7 days. I haven’t done that since I’ve *had* a computer!!  I was so out straight that my only facebook time was when I was on the toilet…and then only when a kid wasn’t popping into the room to ask me something important. You know those questions…like where did I put my red pen, can I have popcorn in the living room, and by the way the cat threw up on the hallway carpet.

Sheesh.

Even my time with M was down to a bare minimum of good morning and good night texts, though I did call a few times, HE was too busy to answer.

Wait.

Wasn’t the computer age going to give us MORE free time? What the fuck, peeps?? I seriously have way less time, and suspect that you do, too. Because we can’t get away from it. And really–would you want to? Because even when we’re stuck to it for work, the internet gives us great things like tit pix and cock pix and dirty stories, and all sorts of stuff that previous generations had to work way harder to access.

But now I think I’m kind of caught up on real life stuff for a while, and trying to be moderate in how often I say “yes” to things because really, working 18 hours a day is a bit much…doing it for 10 days is crazy. I mean, when am I even going to have a second to think about being fucked? Being beaten. Man, do I need a good beating.

And then out of the blue, M sends me a text to pick a date for playtime, tells me the days he’s not available and sends me reeling. M does NOT do this. Not ever. But sheesh, I hate to tell you all how long it’s been since I’ve seen him, and even longer, like 10 months, for real, since a playtime. I need a playtime so much I can’t even think of an appropriate simile for how much.

It’s been so long that I wondered if I was boring him with the mundanity of my life, which has really sucked up all my sexy good stuff…and asked him if he was breaking up with me…(after he suggested I find a few doms I might like to play with, for him to vett)…

to which I got a resounding NO!

Phew.

I don’t want to play with anyone else, just my Master. (I hate to be and sound blase about it but been there, done that, had the experience and it was fine, but I’m just wanting my very own M. Anyway, that’s why I thought that he wanted to break up, to pawn me off on someone else.)

But he doesn’t. I’m still his, and he was just thinking I needed more something. Well I do. But the something i need most is Him.

We’re both on the same page about it, and even though it wasn’t very submissive of me to throw down my “no” card…I did it. He didn’t want it for his own pleasure, but for what he perceived I might be missing. Isn’t it funny in a way that he thought I wasn’t happy with him while I was thinking the same thing in reverse? “I don’t want” isn’t a good thing for a sub to say, yet there are times when one must…and I’m glad I did.

So now the holiday is over, and we’re in quiet mode until Thanksgiving…and I’ll be back to carving out some writing time. Thanks to those who wanted to make sure I was okay, since I’ve tried hard to not go dark here…I do appreciate your caring!

 

 

 

 

About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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2 Responses to I hate when I fall off the grid like that…

  1. Michelle says:

    Yay! The mundanities of life can certainly suck! (I was hoping it was just that, but you know how us s types worry…)

    Here’s hoping you get your play time!

  2. Jz says:

    OK, I howled over “trying to be moderate in how often I say yes”…
    Yuh-huh… ;-p

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