HNT~Back in Focus

The last few weeks has been a flurry of doctor appointments, life-stuff, and a pretty big argument with M that almost, almost broke us.

That sounds very dramatic, and at the time, it was. But in fairness to Him, much of my stress/anxiousness/fretting was mostly in my head. There were some issues, yes, because He is NOT the most demonstrative (verbally or otherwise) of Doms. He won’t tell me He needs me. He won’t tell me he misses me.

But a woman~~even a slut~~needs to hear that once in a while. I’m usually pretty strong, pretty dependable, and not greatly prone to excessive whining about “he isn’t _____” (fill in the blank). But even I, busy and not as demanding a slut as I’ve been in the past, had noticed that things have fallen by the wayside…no more D/s ‘chores’, no challenges, nada.

He WAS neglecting me, and I didn’t like it. Ergo the argument that isn’t fully resolved. I offered to send back his collar…he advised me to hold onto it until we can talk face to face. I’m not ‘threatening’ him, mind you, just feeling like he doesn’t really want the responsibility of taking care of me in even the most desultory fashion.

PAY ATTENTION TO ME, I wanted to shout. I didn’t. And truthfully, I can’t give HIM tons of attention. So I’m not whining like a child wanting a treat. I just want something of him.

Anyway. Between that and my stupid body parts giving out on me, it’s been a hell of a January. Trust me, this getting older thing is not for wimps!! Now on the road to recovery, I got a slam-dunker of a cold last week, and didn’t have the wits about me to even consider trying to write. Hopefully there will be some down time soon to sit and do that. Nyquil does give one strange ideas…strange and sexy ideas.

So thanks for stopping in even though I’ve been pretty absent. Hoping to get to responding to all of you lovely peeps who have commented. I HATE not replying to you, it’s discourteous of me to discount your time and energy in responding to me!

Oh, and it’s HNT! Last week, I was very out of focus…this week? Not so much!

Go, be naughty. And do it Hard!

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About vanillamom

For 8 years--(EIGHT?!) nilla and M have been a D/s couple. I'm the "small s" side of that designation, as he often reminds me. I'm silly and prone to giggling at inopportune times. He's a wicked Sadist, who feeds me my drug of choice--pain. My brain is always spinning dirty and dark little fantasies, which I sometimes share with the world. Welcome to the nilla-verse. It's wet and slippery here...with a dragon or two lurking.
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4 Responses to HNT~Back in Focus

  1. abby says:

    I hear you about getting older, each of my parts chooses a different time to remind me of that. Good to hear from you…hugs abby

    • vanillamom says:

      Yup…it’s almost my birthday and I’m butting up closer to a pretty significant one. We really do change as we age. In some ways I’m way stronger but my body doesn’t always agree….dang it!

      nilla

  2. olivia says:

    It’s hard to need attention and not get it. Sigh. And hard to have one’s body turn on you, like it does, as i well know. Another sigh…

    Thinking of you and sending love.

    • vanillamom says:

      Yes. Needing attention is a human thing, not just a ‘slut’ thing. We need to feel … important? needed? special? without that component, all else just fizzles away like expired soda. It’s flat and stale and tastes nothing like the original. And we all get older and it gets harder to make it work…but if you have the desire to make it work you will.

      And if not, then it’s just done.

      Thanks for the love and caring and support.

      nilla

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