It kinda feels like I’ve gone “off grid”, doesn’t it?
But after SOOO much time without playtime, having it is simply overwhelming. It’s not that I’m relieving every moment, every moment of my day. It’s not that I’m sighing happily at remembered things. It’s not that I’m feeling a bit of sub-drop.
It’s…missing him almost more than I did before.
He and I spent a lot of time apart, four months without seeing one another at all. Now, after touching him, being with him? It kinda makes my heart and body hurt to be without. My weekends are crazy busy, and trying to eke out time from either of our schedules, and accommodate that fickle bitch ~ Mother Nature ~ it’s nearly impossible just now.
I miss Him.
So I’ve been spending some very busy times remembering, yes, and more, yearning. I can’t be with him 24/7. We’ve not that dynamic. So I’m not yearning for the white picket fence, and me in my nothings, scrubbing his floor and taking care of his every breathing desire. That might be some people’s fantasy, but it isn’t mine, nor is it his. We’re in this for the play…no matter how brutal it may seem to vanilla’s. We’re in this for the bruising pinches, the painful slaps, the fierce biting, the whipping and beating and fucked to a frenzy of it all.
Quiet introspection is something I do pretty well. There’s not many I can share this with…you all, here in blogland, and a few friends IRL. So I hold it close and try to not be overly dramatically poignant about missing him. Because I’ve been there, done that and…gotten through it.
I’ll be writing next week. Much work ahead for me for the next 5 days, and then some breathing space. I’ve kind of hit the ground running and that helps ameliorate some of my feeling of loss….hard to focus on being sad/down/lonely/longing when you’re working 10 days in a row, you know?
For now, just moving forward. He wants to play again, no more of this 13-month waiting for one another crap.
Thanks be to all the powers of the Universe for that!