You know me, and I’ll guess you maybe thought my mind would go to a dirty place. It is, after all, my mind!! And I must admit, for a second or 30 it did. There are so many slang words for a penis after all, and johnson is one of them that I find intensely amusing. How can one even be faintly serious about being fucked by someones johnson? I’ll pause for a moment to let you giggle.
My J word has to be joy.
For the last year I’ve been on a personal mission to consciously find joy. It really is everywhere. Sure, there are those HUGE moments…the weddings, the birthdays, the major holidays. But joy is also to be found in tiny little microcosms, too. In the sudden quick surge of spring heat (at LAST!!) that causes crocus to burst forth into bloom. The greening of the grass. The singing of robins at sunrise and sunset. The unexpected text from M. The compliment from the checkout clerk, or the swirl of pure white clouds in a cerulean blue sky.
There is joy in my family (despite my ofttimes dour venting here that they drive me crazy!), watching my kids grow up (too fast!). There is also joy in my relationship with M, though we don’t have as much together time as we used to. Still, it works for us both at this time in our lives. (egads! doesn’t that ring of an old, settled couple? and yet, there is truth in that….we’re neither of us young, with scads of unscheduled time to fuck around with. Old. Settled. Hmmm)
I used to say, when upsetting things happened (a bump in the schedule or someone pissing me off), that “I had the most awful day today. It was terrible!” Now that I’m older I can see that those “blips” on my daily radar weren’t pleasant, to be sure, but they hardly wrecked my entire day. And by letting go of that one teeny mindset, things that might once have been all blown out of proportion are let go. It helps me move on to forgive the asshat who cut me off, the kid who spilled juice all over my papers on the table, the barista who made my order wrong or any manner of things. Life is FULL of these “blips” and the sooner we get the fuck over them, the quicker we can find the happiness that is all pervasive. It’s so much easier to be dour…being positive is hard work sometimes. So I don’t give you the wrong impression, I’m not Pollyanna. I get blown up over small things…just not as often these days, and never for very long.
Letting go of anger and upset opens the door for happiness and joy to slip in.
Yeah, it’s kinda smarmy. But it’s also true.