Sex Blogger Guilt

I’ve gone on this tangent before, I know. Those that have read here for a long time will nod and say ‘ya, nilla, we heard you loud and clear when you went all through this 2 years ago…’

But it bears repeating. So, let’s back up a bit and start at my own beginnings…

My sex kinks are fear and pain.

M knows this, and is very, very good at scaring the holy fuck out of me. He knows what turns me on, and exactly what buttons to push to please us both. What we do behind closed doors is truly D/s, full of pain and moans and his laughter and my tears. It’s full of orgasms of pleasure and orgasms beyond counting, and into the realm of a very different sort of pain.

But when we part ways, though we remain Dominant and submissive, we’re also real. I don’t know how to put it other than that. He’s kinky, I’m kinky, and it is a part of us. But it isn’t the whole of us. He has no desire to kidnap me and keep me in a cage in his cellar. I have no true secret desire for that to happen.

But as I said above, fear plays a large role in my turn-on factor. And if you’ve read even half of my tales, it shows. I don’t live in kinkworld, however fun that might be. My reality consists of occasional visits with my Dom, (a very small amount of my time, actually) and  the regular day-to-day life things: going to work, and feeding and schooling my kiddo’s, and taking care of my pets, and the house and the yard and and and.

Real. Life. Shit.

What my issue is with sex blogging is my very own personal guilt about writing these really truly nasty tales, and some pervie peep taking it as permission.

“I read it in the sex blog that nilla writes. She writes really cool stories of kidnapping and fucking any slut I want. I think she’s telling me what allll those cold bitches want. Pigs. Whores. Sluts.”

No. NO!

I don’t want to plant that seed in anyone’s head!  I don’t want some sick fuck to read a story that I wrote and assume that all girls are sluts/whores/cumholes and should be scooped up –drunk from the bar, or walking down the street, or whatever…and making them their forever slave.

This blog is not permission to be a jackhole and steal women people.

This blog is not permission for you to harm someone who is unwilling to be your sex partner, sex doll, sex toy, or sex slave. Or whatever name you choose to call it.

This blog is not permission for anyone to do harm to someone who is not committed to being a party to your sexual fantasy, and making you a part of theirs.

Got it?

The last time I went through this kind of guilt/crisis, I could not write for several months. It was just after that guy in Chicago was found to be keeping several women in his basement. He’d kidnapped them as teens, if you recall, and raped them and made them pregnant and kept them hidden away…for years.


That haunted me. Still does, actually. That guy said sex blogs and porn made him do it. And if you tumblr or tweet or read blogs–it’s all out there. Some truly horrific misogynistic stuff about snuff rape and women not being people and should all be grateful to be taking their cum.

It kind of horrified me, actually. I may be a perverted sex blogger but by damn I’m a person too!

It doesn’t change the reality of the fact that reading abduction/rape fantasy is growing by leaps and bounds. So many people have sexual fantasies about being taken/used against their will.

It’s hot. It’s violent. It’s perverted. It’s a sicko fantasy.

And for whatever reason, it is my fantasy, too.

That there is the key word, though. It IS *fantasy*. I don’t expect a reader to find me and say oh hey nilla, there you are, come with me now and I’m going to fuck you brainless no matter if you want it or not. Nor does any other woman/teenager/person living their lives want that.

It’s in the mystery, the fantasy of it, that make the thought of being powerless so sexually stimulating.  I blame it on the strange connections in my head but who knows why any of us are wired the way we are. And really, it doesn’t matter as long as we have the morality and discretion to separate reality from fantasy, right?

Here’s the bottom line and then I’m going to put my soapbox away for the night.

Don’t rape someone who doesn’t really want it.

Unless you work it out in advance (consensual non-consent) in your relationship, it really is rape. If you think all girls deserve it/want it/crave it/ need it…you’re wrong. Build a D/s relationship to make it work but don’t read my stories and use it as a guidepost for grabbing your own partner against their will.

Be a bastard. Be mean. Be brutal. But do it the right way.